Received: from beru.its.uow.edu.au (130.130.68.31) by staffmail.uow.edu.au (10.5.102.13) with Microsoft SMTP Server id 8.1.291.1; Sun, 10 Aug 2008 09:15:42 +1000 Received: from febris-nat.its.uow.edu.au ([130.130.68.210] helo=febris.its.uow.edu.au) by beru.its.uow.edu.au with esmtp (Exim 4.69) (envelope-from ) id 1KRxew-0003c2-7p for blane@uow.edu.au; Sun, 10 Aug 2008 09:15:42 +1000 Received: from c3.confirmedcc.com (c3.confirmedcc.com [64.95.77.164]) by febris.its.uow.edu.au (MOS 3.8.7a) with ESMTP id MYZ75188; Sun, 10 Aug 2008 09:15:38 +1000 (EST) Received: from p1-ws008.ad.prodcc.net (unknown [10.250.0.101]) by c3.confirmedcc.com (Postfix) with ESMTP id 6E96098FFB for ; Sat, 9 Aug 2008 23:15:36 +0000 (UTC) From: Fatherhood Foundation To: Brian Lane Date: Sun, 10 Aug 2008 09:15:36 +1000 Subject: Fathering Adventures Thread-Topic: Fathering Adventures Thread-Index: Acj6ddhT5KhGA6k5SZad3bT0wDbERg== Message-ID: <1102197190646.1101938345415.1211.8.97191502@scheduler> List-Unsubscribe: http://visitor.constantcontact.com/d.jsp?p=un&v=001jm8CFGIzLJHYg-gJRLc-3d90mBLDU8ykRZgf1x_36pE5i19PG5Napg== Reply-To: "info@fathersonline.org" Accept-Language: en-AU, en-US Content-Language: en-US X-MS-Exchange-Organization-AuthAs: Anonymous X-MS-Exchange-Organization-AuthSource: excasht03.ad.uow.edu.au X-MS-Has-Attach: X-MS-TNEF-Correlator: x-junkmail-status: score=10/49, host=febris.its.uow.edu.au x-junkmail-sd-raw: score=unknown, refid=str=0001.0A010202.489E251E.001F,ss=1,fgs=0, ip=64.95.77.164, so=2008-05-01 23:44:25, dmn=5.4.3/2008-02-01 x-return-path-hint: ESC1102197190646_1101938345415_1211@in.confirmedcc.com x-roving-id: 1101938345415.1211 x-roving-campaignid: 1102197190646 x-roving-streamid: 0 x-lumos-senderid: 1101938345415 x-junkmail-iwf: false Content-Type: multipart/alternative; boundary="_000_110219719064611019383454151211897191502scheduler_" MIME-Version: 1.0 --_000_110219719064611019383454151211897191502scheduler_ Content-Type: text/plain; charset="iso-8859-1" Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable [http://origin.ih.constantcontact.com/fs007/1101938345415/img/11.jpg?a=3D11= 02197190646] 11th August 2008 Inspiring Fathers Encouraging Families Issue 312 [http://img.constantcontact.com/letters/images/1101093164665/people3_header= 1.jpg] Fathering Adventures Dear Brian, Welcome to the Fatherhood Foundation newsletter and email information servi= ce for fathers and families as we present being the Fathering Adventures. In This Issue Frontline...Fathering Adventures Laughter.. Is Your Mother home Grandfathers...What a Wonderful World Single Dads...We are a Take Away Society All You Need is Love..Your Own Grassroots Marriage Special Feature...My Little Story News & Info..News Links for Parents Dad's Prayer..Life is a Great Adventure Next Week Snakes, Crocodiles and other Adventures. Join our Mailing List! [http://img.constantcontact.com/ui/images1/ftf_btn_1.gif] Quick Links Fatherhood Foundation Fathering Adventures Family Law Web Guide Men Alive Families for Life National Fatherhood Initiative Dad Can Do Culture Watch Mens Fraternity Promise Keepers CSA Adverts Thought of the Week [http://origin.ih.constantcontact.com/fs007/1101938345415/img/352.jpg?a=3D1= 102197190646] It is only in adventure that some people succeed in knowing themselves - in finding themselves. Andre Gide 1869-1951 Frontline [http://origin.ih.constantcontact.com/fs007/1101938345415/img/353.jpg?a=3D1= 102197190646] It is the calling of great men, not so much to preach new truths, as to res= cue from oblivion those old truths which is our wisdom to remember and our = weakness to forget. These are the words of Sydney Smith. These same words are the opening state= ment on the Fathering Adventures website. Darren L= ewis, the founder of Fathering Adventures writes: Real fathering, as it was meant to be, has been lost. Join us on this criti= cal adventure to rediscover and restore what has been long since forgotten. Research reveals that children with involved, loving fathers are significan= tly more likely to do well in school, have healthy self-esteem, exhibit emp= athy and pro-social behaviour, and avoid high-risk behaviours such as drug = use, truancy, and criminal activity compared to children who have uninvolve= d fathers. Sadly, research also reveals that on average, a child spends only 8 minutes= per day with his or her father. Every child has one core question, though = they may never voice it. This core question must be answered by BOTH his or= her mother AND father. This universal question can be asked in a variety o= f ways... "Do you love me?" "Are you proud of me?" "Do you delight in me?" = A child spells LOVE, "T-I-M-E", and 8 minutes per day, does not, and cannot= answer this question in a healthy, life-giving way. The absence of Dad's p= resence in the life of his child will leave the child with a deep unseen wo= und, that if left unhealed, will continue to shape and affect their life in= a potentially destructive manner, for a lifetime. Here at Fathering Advent= ures, we believe that prevention is better than cure. We've never met a Dad who hasn't wanted to be the best he can be. Many Dads= just feel inadequate and ill-equipped in their capacity as fathers, courte= sy of their relationship with their own Dad. Darren Lewis of Fathering Adventures goes on to talk about fathers and sons= . There is a second core question that every boy is asking, and if answered n= egatively, or worse still, not answered at all, he will continue asking tha= t same question throughout his entire lifetime... Do I have what it takes? = Do I have the strength, the courage, the gifts, talents, and the ability, t= o come through in any given situation? Whilst we highly commend mothers for= their efforts toward their sons in the absence of Dad, this core question = can only be answered effectively by the father. As the proverb says, "the g= lory of sons are their fathers." Many men today are either attempting to pr= ove that they do have what it takes, and becoming driven in their pursuits,= however the majority of men today believe they don't have what it takes, a= nd so they shrink away from those situations that threaten to expose that f= ear. They become passive men. Masculinity is bestowed by masculinity. For a boy to become a man, there is= a journey that he must take. An invitation into a community of men that ca= lls forth daring and courage. It's a journey that requires testing and chal= lenging... physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Equipping to= day's sons / boys / young men, is equipping tomorrow's husbands and fathers= . Further on Darren also talks about fathers and daughters: Have you ever noticed Dad, how your daughter dresses up for you? She wants = to be noticed by you... seen, pursued, and fought for. If you fail in that = calling, her desire for masculine love, attention, and affection does not g= o away, it just goes elsewhere, into the arms of another. And just as the father, albeit his chromosome, determines the gender of the= child at conception, it is also the father that calls out the femininity o= f his daughter. Equipping today's daughters, is equipping tomorrow's wives = and mothers... the life-givers of our society. I find it very hard to argue with Darren Lewis. Darren tells some of his ow= n story in today's special feature. I think you will find it inspiring. In the coming weeks I would like to share with you some of my own adventure= s and encourage you to step out with your own children on the journey of ad= venture. Lovework Make up your own adventures. Life is too short to be boring. If the reef an= d whitewater experience of North Queensland is to too far to go, why not st= art with a tent in your own back yard and try camping out? If that's too co= ld, why not go and visit the Snowy Mountains and really have fun g= etting cold. Don't do nothing, do something. As the famous basketballer said: JUST DO IT= ! PS. Dads & Kids Adventure at Parliament House, Canberra. On Thursday 4th September 2008 the Fatherhood Foundation will be holding a = Dads4Kids Forum at Parliament House, Canberra. As a celebration of Father's Day we are not only inviting dads to come and = talk to politicians but children too. Your children can experience the adventure of a lifetime. Come with Dad to Parliament House See inside Parliament House Check out Question Time Meet and talk with parliamentarians Find out how decisions are made The Dads4Kids Forum will be child-friendly with some fun activities for dif= ferent age groups. Your children can put forward their ideas about how to m= ake Australia a better place for children to grow up. You and your children= can come. This will be a great way to celebrate Father's Day. If your children can't come, come anyway. To register your interest in attending the Dads4Kids Forum at Parliament Ho= use, Canberra, please email info@fatherhood.org.au ____________________________________________________________________ Warwick Marsh has been married to Alison for 32 years. He is the grandfath= er of two children and father of five children, four boys and one girl, ran= ging in age from 27 years to 15 years. Warwick is a musician, songwriter, = producer and public speaker who likes to think he can still laugh at himsel= f. Laughter [http://origin.ih.constantcontact.com/fs007/1101938345415/img/360.jpg?a=3D= 1102197190646] "Is your mother home?" the salesman asked the small boy. "Yeah, she's home," the boy said, scooting over to let him past. The salesman rang the doorbell, got no response, knocked once, then again. = Still no one came to the door. Turning to the boy, the fellow said, "I thou= ght you said your mother was home!?" The kid replied, "She is; but this isn't where I live." _____________________________________ A central west couple who drove their car to K-Mart only to have their car = break down in the parking lot. The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car = their in the parking lot. The wife returned later to see a small group of p= eople near the car. On closer inspection she saw a pair of male legs from u= nder the chassis. Altough the man was in shorts his lack of underpants turned private parts into glaringly public ones. Unable to stand the embarrassment she dutifully stepped forward, quickly put her hand up his shorts and tucked everything back into place. On regaining her feet, she looked across the hood and found herself staring at her husband who was standing idly by. The mechanic, however, had to have three stitches in his head. Grandfathers [http://origin.ih.constantcontact.com/fs007/1101938345415/img/354.jpg?a=3D1= 102197190646] We live in a wonderful world that is full of beauty, charm and adventure. There is no end to the adventures that we can have if only we seek them with our eyes open. Jawaharial Nehru Indian Prime Minister 1889-1964 Single Dads We are a Take Away Society [http://origin.ih.constantcontact.com/fs007/1101= 938345415/img/355.jpg?a=3D1102197190646] by Tony Miller You wonder why! We have been telling you for 5 years now and still you don't listen Take away the person you thought was your soul mate for life, Take away your trust in people, Take away any dignity you may have, Take away your self esteem, Take away most of what you have worked for all those years, Take away any incentive to rebuild and move on. Take away the right to see your children, Take away the right for your children to see you, Take away your children, Take away your fatherhood, Take away your life.......... Dads in distress Inc is calling on the Federal and State Governments to del= iver some substantial funding into men's health and stop throwing peanuts a= nd expecting us to be monkeys. We have an epidemic of male suicide. We have billions of dollars being spen= t on women's programs; need I mention the millions spent on the domestic vi= olence campaign alone. Rightly so, yet next to nothing is spent on Men's pr= ograms. I am not talking about the deficit male model programs teaching dad= s to be better dads. You are inferring before you start that these men are = less, now they are divorced or separated. I am here to tell you that just b= ecause you are a divorced or separated dad doesn't mean you have suddenly b= ecome less of a dad. When you try and run programs like Interrelates "Managing Anger Now", with = the acronym "MAN". What are you telling us? Imagine if we had started an an= ger management program for women with the acronym "WOMAN", we would be hung= out to dry. Thank goodness they have seen the light....... Men are angry b= ecause you have taken their children away. Men are angry because they are b= ack and forth through the courts in order to find a judge who will assure t= hem that they can continue a relationship with their children. Men are angr= y because our children have been stolen, and we want them back. There is no= thing wrong with anger, violence is the problem. Anger is an emotion that g= et's you to your feet. To fight against an injustice and rightly so........ We need research and we need $$$ for that research. The NSW Health 2004-200= 5 Men's Health Funding Round was a total of $100,000. That's One hundred th= ousand dollars. That's for the whole STATE, for Men's Health. What are we g= oing to do with that? By the time that's divided up, you can forget any wor= thwhile long-term viable project. It's seeding and it's not even enough for= that. When a women's refuge is funded at over $400,000 and that's one, in = one town. I am not denying that sadly they are needed. What I am saying her= e, is we have an unacceptable male suicide rate and we are putting bandaids= on a great gaping wound. How much is it costing now? How much does it cost for the attempted suicide= s? What's the cost in doctors, nurses, hospitals, ambulance etc because I c= an tell you there are far more attempted then successful. Thank God. As journalist Carol Nader states in her article, White Wreath Association P= resident Fanita Clark believes the Federal Government is under reporting. We have been asking that question for years. How many deaths by drowning, s= ingle vehicle accidents, death by misadventure etc etc are actually suicide= s? We know of the reluctance to report suicide because of the implications,= insurance, stigma etc. I have spoken to many men who have told me they wis= h to disguise their suicide in the misguided belief that it won't hurt the = children if they think it's an accident. What we need is research. The Men's Health Information & Resource Centre "M= HIRC" from the University of Western Sydney have expressed interest in cond= ucting that research over the next 6-12 months. We have developed a working= relationship with the centre and our groups. Now let's ask the questions, = let's get some real qualified research happening and get the answers. Until= we do, we are not going to solve anything. We are just going to keep runni= ng around with bandaids. Dads in distress is in the ideal position to supply the information as it i= s happening. We can connect with the myriad of fathers and men's groups out= there and connect these men directly to the researchers. So you can stop g= uessing and know the real answers...........Obviously "MHIRC" cannot do thi= s without funding. Nor can anyone else. 'Dids' is gratefully funded by the = Federal Government. This is not about funding us, it's about funding organi= sations that are working with men. It's about funding the people who are al= ready at the coalface. We are calling on the Federal and State Government to urgently fund researc= h into: Why this country has such an appalling male suicide rate.... The crisis with men's health in this country today. The connection with the loss of fatherhood to suicide. The loss of productivity in the workplace due to separation grief. The link between suicide and separation grief, etc etc etc Tony Miller dids tmiller@nor.com.au www.dadsindistress.asn.au All You Need is Love YOUR OWN GRASSROOTS MARRIAGE CAMPAIGN [http://origin.ih.constantcontact.com/fs007/1101938345415/img/356.jpg?a=3D1= 102197190646] 1) Celebrate wedding anniversaries in a BIG way. In the olden days it was a= big deal to reach each birthday milestone. We can now take birthdays more= for granted, and in our age of a 50% divorce rate, it makes more sense to = celebrate wedding anniversary milestones. So celebrate your own and your adult children's wedding anniversaries EACH = year - don't wait till 25th or 50th. Parties, big gifts, big TAH DAHs. It's a strong marriage message to your kids, grandkids and community. 2) Give marriage education courses as engagement, wedding, new baby gifts. See Smart Marriages 3) Establish a Grandparents Week where you babysit your grandkids but you m= ake the point clear that the purpose is to give their parents a 'romantic w= eek' to renew their honeymoon spirit. Or, do a weekend or two if that's al= l you can manage. The message is what's important. Diane Sollee of www.smartmarriages.com does two weeks, partly be= cause a week is never long enough for her and five grandkids. She can atte= st to the fact that her married adult children look forward to this all yea= r - they tell her how great it is for their marriage. And, the kids definit= ely get the "romantic marriage message". Special Feature A little of my story... [http://origin.ih.constantcontact.com/fs007/1101938345415/img/357.jpg?a=3D= 1102197190646] Should I jump right in and share about how adventure is one of the core des= ires written onto the hearts of every man, and link that in to what Fatheri= ng Adventures is offering? Or do I offer a little of my story, revealing de= eper insights into my life... my past? The Fatherhood Foundation's 4th Augu= st 2008 edition newsletter showed up in my inbox. I opened it and begin to = read. Wow! It's a no-brainer... not just a mere coincidence... Warwick Mars= h ever so eloquently introduces the story of Calvin Sandborn, as told in hi= s book, Becoming the Kind Father. I'm without excuse. I must go there mysel= f... and take you with me. This article is being written on Sunday 3rd August, 2008. In just five days= time, after 4 years of waiting, images of the Olympic Games will be splash= ed across our televisions. In just 10 days time, it'll mark the fourth anni= versary of my father's passing... Friday 13th August, 2004. He was only 53= years of age. Sadly, the illness that claimed his life was self-inflicted.= .. Liver Disease. That's right... from as far back as I can remember, my fa= ther had been an alcoholic. He was good at what he did... he managed his ow= n steel erection business. He was a hard-working man... that's code for, he= was a workaholic. He was just never home... and the absence of Dad in the = home has a vacuum effect on a young boy. When he did finally arrive home, h= is first priority was to stack the fridge with a fresh carton of stubbies..= . that's 24 stubbies every day. XXXX bitter ale (heavies) was his poison of= choice. So that was pretty much a summary of what my relationship with my = father looked like. Almost never home... and when he was finally home... he= would just write himself off. Fast forward to September 2003... my Dad was sick... very sick. He had very= limited mobility in his legs, and he would frequently suffer from bouts of= encephalopathy... basically his liver was unable to filter out the toxins = in his blood, so when those toxins would reach his brain... he would become= literally crazy and incoherent. From that point on, he was in hospital mor= e often than he was out. I couldn't change the past we had shared, but I co= uld choose to honour him anyway, in the time he had remaining. So I was alw= ays there for him, and I am so glad that I was, because I can honestly say = that I have no regrets. One day I was taking him home from hospital after one of his many blood tra= nsfusions. I was walking a number of paces ahead of him, not wanting to be = seen with him... embarrassed by the fact, that he had done this to himself.= I knew it was wrong... I wanted to handle things differently... better... = I began to pray. "Father, give me eyes to see my Dad as you see him." I tur= ned around and I saw my Dad as this 8 year old boy hobbling along... he cou= ld have been one of my own sons. You see at age 8, my father was asked by h= is mother to ride his bike across town to purchase a loaf of his father's f= avourite bread. His father was the "town drunk", and my Dad from a very you= ng age despised him for it. So his response to his Mum was a resounding "NO= !". His 11 year old sister volunteered to go, and that was the last they sa= w of her. She was struck by a car and killed instantly. And so began my fat= her's journey of self-loathing and self-punishment, with no-one ever taking= him in their arms and telling him that it was not his fault. There is alwa= ys something deeper going on than a person's behaviour or response. That's = why knowing one's story is essential to really knowing the person. That's w= hy I offer this part of my story, and my Dad's story. About three weeks before my father passed away, we were called to the hospi= tal to say our goodbyes. He had slipped into a coma, and we were told that = he would pass quickly. I prayed for my father, and the next morning he woke= . I had never heard my father tell me that he loved me, and I wasn't about = to wait for him to do so any longer. I decided to take the initiative. I to= ld him that I loved him. He nodded. I told him a second time that I loved h= im. He told me that he liked me too. I told him a third time that I loved h= im, and finally... after nearly 34 years... the words that I longed to hear= from him... "I love you too." Both of us just wept together. He went on to= apologise for not being a good Dad. I forgave him, and told him that he ha= d done the best that he could, with what he had. I also shared with him a f= avourite memory that I had of him, and he thanked me for sharing. I asked h= im if he had considered eternity, and he went on to assure me that he had m= et his maker, and that he wanted to spend his remaining time with his loved= ones. For nearly three weeks I came to know my Dad in a way I had always w= anted to know him. You cannot give what you do not have, and you cannot take someone where you= have not been. So well done to you men for subscribing to this weekly news= letter. You are being strategic and proactive in your approach, and your ch= ildren will be the beneficiaries of your efforts. Strength and Honour, Darren Lewis Fathering Adventures Ph: (07) 4723 2941 Fax: (07) 4723 2941 Mob: 0431 839 035 email: info@fatheringadventures.com.au web: www.fatheringadventures.com.au Darren has been married to his beautiful wife Melissa for 17 years, and is = father to his four courageous sons, ranging in age from 14 years to 5 years= . Darren has not given up on his desire to live life to the full. News & Info News Links for Parents[http://origin.ih.constantcontact.com/fs007/110193834= 5415/img/358.jpg?a=3D1102197190646] Beating the Bullying out of Society _________________________ Camp Connect Victorian Camp coming soon Dads & Kids Weekend Camp Sept 2008-Register Here 99.7 Rhema FM Newcastle 5 yearly licence renewal due for submission October 2008 If you are in the Newcastle, NSW area and would like to write a letter of s= upport to enable 99.7 Rhema FM to continue to broadcast please send your le= tter to P.O. Box 2000, Dangar NSW 2309. Alternatively an outline with ide= as of content for a letter of support can be obtained by emailing rhemafm@r= hemafm.com.au UNDERSTAND YOUR OTHER HALF AND THE JOURNEY OF MARRIAGE A workshop FOR MEN AND WOMEN in Perth, Western Australia with Noel Giblett & Peta Wellstead Me/You/Us - how to understand your relationship; its cycles, seasons and ne= eds; and the pressures on relationships; 'Brain-Sex' - how the genders are wired differently, what your partner need= s from you and how to get your message across; Normal Marital Ambivalence - the common difficulties couples face and how t= hese can be handled better; and Your questions and areas of concern. Saturday 13th September 2008 9:30am t0 4:30pm Enquiries: Noel 0431 848 835 or noel@noelgiblett.com.au _____________________________________________________ More Than a Bed Read this important study "Contrary to popular perception, while alcohol and drugs can keep people o= n the streets they are not the main pathway to homelessness, said the Wesle= y Mission CEO Rev Keith Garner. "Alcohol and other substances are often use= d to medicate depression and despair." Relationship breakdown - an issue af= fecting a third of all marriages in Australia - is the second leading cause= of homelessness, the study shows. Marriage and divorce figures for the hom= eless are the same as for the general population. The general belief that food is a primary need of the people on the street = is not true for Sydney's homeless, the report says: satisfaction with acces= s to food is a high 82.6 per cent - greater than the acceptable wellbeing a= verage for mainstream Australia. But homeless people starve in terms of per= sonal relationships, and their sense of wellbeing is so low compared to the= wellbeing of the general population that the Wesley Report findings help t= o show why homeless people suffer high rates of clinical depression. The trauma of childhood abuse had the greatest impact on the wellbeing of h= omeless people. More than two-thirds of those who were abused as children h= ad problems so deep-seated that, for one in every five respondents, they co= ntributed to continuing homelessness. Despite popular perceptions most inne= r Sydney homeless people had originally come from elsewhere, with only 27 p= er cent having lived in inner Sydney prior to becoming homeless Download Study Options Dad's Prayer [http://origin.ih.constantcontact.com/fs007/110193834541= 5/img/359.jpg?a=3D1102197190646] Dear God Helen Keller said: "Life is either a great adventure or nothing." Help me be more adventurous as a father. My children need it, not the boring same-old, same old. Getting the latest gizmo or gadget is not an adventure - that's just consumerism, and leads to becoming consumed by consuming. Help me not to be consumed. Help me break out of the mould and do something I haven't done before - Something my children will enjoy. You never know - I might just find myself in the middle of an adventure and my children might find me too. Help Us! The Fatherhood Foundation is a Harm Prevention Charity. Fatherlessness and inadequate fathering has been proven to be a source of h= arm. The Fatherhood Foundation helps children by promoting excellence in f= athering. Excellent fathers are in word and deed: responsible, involved, pr= otective, loving and committed to the well-being of their children and thei= r children's mother. If you would like to give financially to the Fatherhood Foundation Public F= und and receive tax deductibility: Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund (Name, address and amount details must be emailed for a receipt for tax ded= uctibility) Westpac Branch Wollongong DONATE ONLINE BSB: 032 695 A/C: 25-5558 Or mail cheque and address details to: PO Box 542 UNANDERRA NSW 2526 AUSTRALIA The Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund is a public fund listed on the Regis= ter of Harm Prevention Charities under Subdivision 30_EA of the Income Tax = Assessment Act 1997. You have received the fathersonline.org newsletter because you have subscri= bed, or you have been subscribed by a friend. If you do not wish to receiv= e future emails, please click the UNSUBSCRIBE button below. Forward email [http://img.constantcontact.com/letters/images/safe_unsubscribe_logo.gif] This email was sent to blane@uow.edu.au by info@fathersonline.org. Update Profile/Email Address | Instant removal with SafeUnsubscribe(tm) | Pri= vacy Policy. Email Marketing= by [http://img.constantcontact.com/letters/images/cc-logo-color-sm.gif] Fatherhood Foundation | P.O. Box 542 | Unanderra | NSW | 2526 | Australia --_000_110219719064611019383454151211897191502scheduler_ Content-Type: text/html; charset="iso-8859-1" Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable
=09
3D"FF
=09
=09
=09 = =09 =09 =09
11th August 2008  &nbs= p;  Inspiring Fathers  Encour= aging Families Issue 312
<= /tr>
Fathering Adventures
Dear Brian,

Welc= ome to the Fatherhood Foundation newsletter and email information service f= or fathers and families as we present being the Fathering Adventu= res.

=09
In This Issue
Frontline...Fathering Adventures
Laughter.. Is Your Mother home
Grandfathers...What a Wonderful World
Single Dads...We are a Take Away Society
All You Need is Love..Your Own Grassroots Marriage=
Special Feature...My Little Story
News & Info..News Links for Parents
Dad's Prayer..Life is a Great Adventure
Next Week&nb= sp;
 Snak= es, Crocodiles and other Adventures.
 =09 =09
 
Join our Mailing List!
 
Quick Links

Thought of the Week

3D"Adventure" 
It is only in adve= nture
that some people succeed in knowing themselves
-  in f= inding themselves.
 
Andre Gide 1869-1951
 =
Frontline
  =20
3D"Father 
It is the calling of great men, not so much to preach new truths, as t= o rescue from oblivion those old truths which is our wisdom to remember and= our weakness to forget.
 
These are the words of Sydney Smi= th. These same words are the opening statement on the Fathering Ad= ventures website.  Darren Lewis, the founder of Fathering Adventur= es writes:
 
Real fathering, as it was meant to be, has been= lost. Join us on this critical adventure to rediscover and restore what ha= s been long since forgotten.
 
Research reveals that childre= n with involved, loving fathers are significantly more likely to do well in= school, have healthy self-esteem, exhibit empathy and pro-social behaviour= , and avoid high-risk behaviours such as drug use, truancy, and criminal ac= tivity compared to children who have uninvolved fathers.
 
S= adly, research also reveals that on average, a child spends only 8 minutes = per day with his or her father. Every child has one core question, though t= hey may never voice it. This core question must be answered by BOTH his or = her mother AND father. This universal question can be asked in a variety of= ways... "Do you love me?" "Are you proud of me?" "Do you delight in me?" A= child spells LOVE, "T-I-M-E", and 8 minutes per day, does not, and cannot = answer this question in a healthy, life-giving way. The absence of Dad's pr= esence in the life of his child will leave the child with a deep unseen wou= nd, that if left unhealed, will continue to shape and affect their life in = a potentially destructive manner, for a lifetime. Here at Fathering Adventu= res, we believe that prevention is better than cure.
 
We've= never met a Dad who hasn't wanted to be the best he can be. Many Dads just= feel inadequate and ill-equipped in their capacity as fathers, courtesy of= their relationship with their own Dad.
 
Darren Lewis of Fa= thering Adventures goes on to talk about fathers and sons.
 
There is a second core question that every boy is asking, and if answered = negatively, or worse still, not answered at all, he will continue asking th= at same question throughout his entire lifetime... Do I have what it takes?= Do I have the strength, the courage, the gifts, talents, and the ability, = to come through in any given situation? Whilst we highly commend mothers fo= r their efforts toward their sons in the absence of Dad, this core question= can only be answered effectively by the father. As the proverb says, "the = glory of sons are their fathers." Many men today are either attempting to p= rove that they do have what it takes, and becoming driven in their pursuits= , however the majority of men today believe they don't have what it takes, = and so they shrink away from those situations that threaten to expose that = fear. They become passive men.
 
Masculinity is bestowed by = masculinity. For a boy to become a man, there is a journey that he must tak= e. An invitation into a community of men that calls forth daring and courag= e. It's a journey that requires testing and challenging... physically, ment= ally, emotionally, and spiritually. Equipping today's sons / boys / young m= en, is equipping tomorrow's husbands and fathers.
 
Further = on Darren also talks about fathers and daughters:
 
Have you= ever noticed Dad, how your daughter dresses up for you? She wants to be no= ticed by you... seen, pursued, and fought for. If you fail in that calling,= her desire for masculine love, attention, and affection does not go away, = it just goes elsewhere, into the arms of another.
And just as the fat= her, albeit his chromosome, determines the gender of the child at conceptio= n, it is also the father that calls out the femininity of his daughter. Equ= ipping today's daughters, is equipping tomorrow's wives and mothers... the = life-givers of our society.
 
I find it very hard to argue w= ith Darren Lewis. Darren tells some of his own story in today's special fea= ture. I think you will find it inspiring.
 
In the coming we= eks I would like to share with you some of my own adventures and encourage = you to step out with your own children on the journey of adventure.
&n= bsp;
Lovework
 
Make up your own adventures. Life is too short to be bo= ring. If the reef and whitewater experience of North Queensland is to too f= ar to go, why not start with a tent in your own back yard and try camping o= ut? If that's too cold, why not go and visit the Snowy Mountains and really h= ave fun getting cold.
 
Don't do nothing, do something. As = the famous basketballer said: JUST DO IT!
 
PS. Dads= & Kids Adventure at Parliament House, Canberra.
 
= On Thursday 4th September 2008 the Fatherhood Foundation w= ill be holding a Dads4Kids Forum at Parliament House, Canb= erra.
 
As a celebration of Father's Day we are not only inv= iting dads to come and talk to politicians but children too.
 Your children can experience the adventure of a lifetime.
C= ome with Dad to Parliament House
See inside Parliament House
Chec= k out Question Time
Meet and talk with parliamentarians
Find out = how decisions are made
 
The Dads4Kids Forum will b= e child-friendly with some fun activities for different age groups. Your ch= ildren can put forward their ideas about how to make Australia a better pla= ce for children to grow up. You and your children can come. This will be a = great way to celebrate Father's Day.
 
If your children can'= t come, come anyway.
 
To register your interest in attendin= g the Dads4Kids Forum at Parliament House, Canberra, pleas= e email info@fa= therhood.org.au  
 
______________________________________________________________= ______

Warwick Marsh  has been married to Alison = for 32 years. He is the grandfather of two children and father of five= children, four boys and one girl, ranging in age from 27 years to 15 = years.  Warwick is a musician, songwriter, producer and public speaker= who likes to think he can still laugh at himself.
Laughter
=
 3D"Housewife"
 "Is your mother home?" the sa= lesman asked the small boy.
"Yeah, she's home," the boy said, scooting= over to let him past.
The salesman rang the doorbell, got no response= , knocked once, then again. Still no one came to the door. Turning to the b= oy, the fellow said, "I thought you said your mother was home!?"
The k= id replied, "She is; but this isn't where I live."
_____________________________________
 
A central west couple who drove their car to K-Mart only to have = their car break down in the parking lot.

The man told his wife = to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car their in the parking l= ot. The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the car. On= closer inspection she saw a pair of male legs from under the chassis.
Altough the man was in shorts his lack of underpants turned
private p= arts into glaringly public ones.

Unable to stand the embarrassme= nt she dutifully stepped forward,
quickly put her hand up his shorts a= nd tucked everything back
into place. On regaining her feet, she looke= d across the hood
and found herself staring at her husband who was sta= nding idly
by.

The mechanic, however, had to have three sti= tches in his head.  
Grandfathers
3D"Father 
We live in a wonderful world that is f= ull of beauty, charm and adventure.
There is no end to the adventures =
that we can have
if only we seek them wi= th our eyes open.
 
Jawaharial Nehru
Indian Prime Minister 1889-1964
Single Dads
 
We= are a Take Away Society 3D"Ha=
by Tony Mil= ler
 
You wonder = why!
 
We have been telling you for 5 years= now and still you don't listen
 
Take away the person you t= hought was your soul mate for life,
 
Take away your trust i= n people,
 
Take away any dignity you may have,
 <= br />Take away your self esteem,
 
Take away most of what yo= u have worked for all those years,
 
Take away any incentive= to rebuild and move on.
 
Take away the right to see your c= hildren,
 
Take away the right for your children to see you,=
 
Take away your children,
 
Take away your = fatherhood,
 
Take away your life..........
 
Dads in distress Inc is calling on the Federal and State Governments to de= liver some substantial funding into men's health and stop throwing peanuts = and expecting us to be monkeys.
 
We have an epidemic of ma= le suicide. We have billions of dollars being spent on women's programs; ne= ed I mention the millions spent on the domestic violence campaign alone. Ri= ghtly so, yet next to nothing is spent on Men's programs. I am not talking = about the deficit male model programs teaching dads to be better dads. You = are inferring before you start that these men are less, now they are divorc= ed or separated. I am here to tell you that just because you are a divorced= or separated dad doesn't mean you have suddenly become less of a dad.
 
When you try and run programs like Interrelates "Managing Ange= r Now", with the acronym "MAN". What are you telling us? Imagine if we had = started an anger management program for women with the acronym "WOMAN", we = would be hung out to dry. Thank goodness they have seen the light....... Me= n are angry because you have taken their children away. Men are angry becau= se they are back and forth through the courts in order to find a judge who = will assure them that they can continue a relationship with their children.= Men are angry because our children have been stolen, and we want them back= . There is nothing wrong with anger, violence is the problem. Anger is an e= motion that get's you to your feet. To fight against an injustice and right= ly so........
 
We need research and we need $$$ for that re= search. The NSW Health 2004-2005 Men's Health Funding Round was a total of = $100,000. That's One hundred thousand dollars. That's for the whole STATE, = for Men's Health. What are we going to do with that? By the time that's div= ided up, you can forget any worthwhile long-term viable project. It's seedi= ng and it's not even enough for that. When a women's refuge is funded at ov= er $400,000 and that's one, in one town. I am not denying that sadly they a= re needed. What I am saying here, is we have an unacceptable male suicide r= ate and we are putting bandaids on a great gaping wound.
 
H= ow much is it costing now? How much does it cost for the attempted suicides= ? What's the cost in doctors, nurses, hospitals, ambulance etc because I ca= n tell you there are far more attempted then successful. Thank God.
&n= bsp;
As journalist Carol Nader states in her article, White Wreath Ass= ociation President Fanita Clark believes the Federal Government is under re= porting.
 
We have been asking that question for years. How = many deaths by drowning, single vehicle accidents, death by misadventure et= c etc are actually suicides? We know of the reluctance to report suicide be= cause of the implications, insurance, stigma etc. I have spoken to many men= who have told me they wish to disguise their suicide in the misguided beli= ef that it won't hurt the children if they think it's an accident.
&nb= sp;
What we need is research. The Men's Health Information & Resource = Centre "MHIRC" from the University of Western Sydney have expressed interes= t in conducting that research over the next 6-12 months. We have developed = a working relationship with the centre and our groups. Now let's ask the qu= estions, let's get some real qualified research happening and get the answe= rs. Until we do, we are not going to solve anything. We are just going to k= eep running around with bandaids.
 
Dads in distress is in t= he ideal position to supply the information as it is happening. We can conn= ect with the myriad of fathers and men's groups out there and connect these= men directly to the researchers. So you can stop guessing and know the rea= l answers...........Obviously "MHIRC" cannot do this without funding. Nor c= an anyone else. 'Dids' is gratefully funded by the Federal Government. This= is not about funding us, it's about funding organisations that are working= with men. It's about funding the people who are already at the coalface. 
We are calling on the Federal and State Government to urgen= tly fund research into:
Why this country has such an appalling male su= icide rate....
The crisis with men's health in this country today.
The connection with the loss of fatherhood to suicide.
The loss of p= roductivity in the workplace due to separation grief.
The link between= suicide and separation grief, etc etc etc
 
Tony Miller did= s
tmiller@nor.= com.au  
www.dadsindist= ress.asn.au   
All You Nee= d is Love
YOUR OWN GRASSROOTS MARRIAGE CAMPAIGN
 
3D"Marriage
 
 
1) Celebrate wedding anniversaries i= n a BIG way. In the olden days it was a big deal to reach each birthday mil= estone.  We can now take birthdays more for granted, and in our age of= a 50% divorce rate, it makes more sense to celebrate wedding anniversary m= ilestones.
 
So celebrate your own and your adult children'= s wedding anniversaries EACH year - don't wait till 25th or 50th.  Par= ties, big gifts, big TAH DAHs. 
 
It's a strong marria= ge message to your kids, grandkids and community.
 
2) Give = marriage education courses as engagement, wedding, new baby gifts.
See Smart Marriages =20
 

3) Establish a Grandparents Week where you babysit y= our grandkids but you make the point clear that the purpose is to give thei= r parents a 'romantic week' to renew their honeymoon spirit.  Or, do a= weekend or two if that's all you can manage.  The message is what's i= mportant. 
 
Diane Sollee of www.smartmarriages.com   does two weeks, partly becau= se a week is never long enough for her and five grandkids.  She can at= test to the fact that her married adult children look forward to this all y= ear - they tell her how great it is for their marriage. And, the kids defin= itely get the "romantic marriage message".
=09

Special Feature

<= /font>
A little of my story...
 3D"Man
Should I jump right in and share about how adve= nture is one of the core desires written onto the hearts of every man, and = link that in to what Fathering Adventures is offering? Or do I offer a litt= le of my story, revealing deeper insights into my life... my past? The Fath= erhood Foundation's 4th August 2008 edition newsletter showed up in my inbo= x. I opened it and begin to read. Wow! It's a no-brainer... not just a mere= coincidence... Warwick Marsh ever so eloquently introduces the story of Ca= lvin Sandborn, as told in his book, Becoming the Kind Father. I'm without e= xcuse. I must go there myself... and take you with me.
 
Thi= s article is being written on Sunday 3rd August, 2008. In just five days ti= me, after 4 years of waiting, images of the Olympic Games will be splashed = across our televisions. In just 10 days time, it'll mark the fourth anniver= sary of my father's passing... Friday 13th August, 2004.  He was only = 53 years of age. Sadly, the illness that claimed his life was self-inflicte= d... Liver Disease. That's right... from as far back as I can remember, my = father had been an alcoholic. He was good at what he did... he managed his = own steel erection business. He was a hard-working man... that's code for, = he was a workaholic. He was just never home... and the absence of Dad in th= e home has a vacuum effect on a young boy. When he did finally arrive home,= his first priority was to stack the fridge with a fresh carton of stubbies= ... that's 24 stubbies every day. XXXX bitter ale (heavies) was his poison = of choice. So that was pretty much a summary of what my relationship with m= y father looked like. Almost never home... and when he was finally home... = he would just write himself off.
 
Fast forward to September= 2003... my Dad was sick... very sick. He had very limited mobility in his = legs, and he would frequently suffer from bouts of encephalopathy... basica= lly his liver was unable to filter out the toxins in his blood, so when tho= se toxins would reach his brain... he would become literally crazy and inco= herent. From that point on, he was in hospital more often than he was out. = I couldn't change the past we had shared, but I could choose to honour him = anyway, in the time he had remaining. So I was always there for him, and I = am so glad that I was, because I can honestly say that I have no regrets. 
One day I was taking him home from hospital after one of hi= s many blood transfusions. I was walking a number of paces ahead of him, no= t wanting to be seen with him... embarrassed by the fact, that he had done = this to himself. I knew it was wrong... I wanted to handle things different= ly... better... I began to pray. "Father, give me eyes to see my Dad as you= see him." I turned around and I saw my Dad as this 8 year old boy hobbling= along... he could have been one of my own sons. You see at age 8, my fathe= r was asked by his mother to ride his bike across town to purchase a loaf o= f his father's favourite bread. His father was the "town drunk", and my Dad= from a very young age despised him for it. So his response to his Mum was = a resounding "NO!". His 11 year old sister volunteered to go, and that was = the last they saw of her. She was struck by a car and killed instantly. And= so began my father's journey of self-loathing and self-punishment, with no= -one ever taking him in their arms and telling him that it was not his faul= t. There is always something deeper going on than a person's behaviour or r= esponse. That's why knowing one's story is essential to really knowing the = person. That's why I offer this part of my story, and my Dad's story.
=  
About three weeks before my father passed away, we were called = to the hospital to say our goodbyes. He had slipped into a coma, and we wer= e told that he would pass quickly. I prayed for my father, and the next mor= ning he woke. I had never heard my father tell me that he loved me, and I w= asn't about to wait for him to do so any longer. I decided to take the init= iative. I told him that I loved him. He nodded. I told him a second time th= at I loved him. He told me that he liked me too. I told him a third time th= at I loved him, and finally... after nearly 34 years... the words that I lo= nged to hear from him... "I love you too." Both of us just wept together. H= e went on to apologise for not being a good Dad. I forgave him, and told hi= m that he had done the best that he could, with what he had. I also shared = with him a favourite memory that I had of him, and he thanked me for sharin= g. I asked him if he had considered eternity, and he went on to assure me t= hat he had met his maker, and that he wanted to spend his remaining time wi= th his loved ones. For nearly three weeks I came to know my Dad in a way I = had always wanted to know him.
 
You cannot give what you do= not have, and you cannot take someone where you have not been. So well don= e to you men for subscribing to this weekly newsletter. You are being strat= egic and proactive in your approach, and your children will be the benefici= aries of your efforts.
 
Strength and Honour,
Darren Le= wis
Fathering Adventures
Ph: (07) 4723 2941
Fax: (07) 4723= 2941
Mob: 0431 839 035
email: info@fatheringadventures.com.au &n= bsp;
web: www.fath= eringadventures.com.au  
 
Darren has been married = to his beautiful wife Melissa for 17 years, and is father to his four coura= geous sons, ranging in age from 14 years to 5 years. Darren has not given u= p on his desire to live life to the full.
Ne= ws & Info
=
 
News Links= for Parents3D"Kid
 
 
 
 
 
  
 
_________________________
Camp Connect Victorian Camp coming soon
 
 
 
99.7 Rhema FM Newcastle
5 yearly licence renewal due for submission October 2008
&= nbsp;
If you are in the Newcastle, NSW area and would like to write a = letter of support to enable 99.7 Rhema FM to continue to broadcast please s= end your letter to P.O. Box 2000, Dangar  NSW  2309. Alternativel= y an outline with ideas of content for a letter of support can be obtained = by emailing rhemafm@rhemafm.com.au 
 
 
UNDERSTAND YOUR OTHER HALF
AND THE JOURNEY OF MAR= RIAGE
A workshop FOR  MEN AND WOMEN in Perth, Wes= tern Australia
with Noel Giblett & Peta Wellstead
 
Me/You/Us - how to understand your relationship; its cycles, = seasons and needs; and the pressures on relationships;
'Brain-= Sex' - how the genders are wired differently, what your partner ne= eds from you and how to get your message across;
Normal Marita= l Ambivalence - the common difficulties couples face and how these= can be handled better; and
Your questions and areas of concern.
=  
Saturday 13th September 2008
9:30am t0 4:30pm
 
Enquiries: Noel 0431 848 835 or noel@noelgiblett.com.au  =20
_____________________________________________________ 

 More Than a Bed  Read this im= portant study
 
 "Contrary to popular perception, while alcohol and drugs can keep peopl= e on the streets they are not the main pathway to homelessness, said the We= sley Mission CEO Rev Keith Garner. "Alcohol and other substances are often = used to medicate depression and despair." Relationship breakdown - an issue= affecting a third of all marriages in Australia - is the second leading ca= use of homelessness, the study shows. Marriage and divorce figures for the = homeless are the same as for the general population.

The genera= l belief that food is a primary need of the people on the street is not tru= e for Sydney's homeless, the report says: satisfaction with access to food = is a high 82.6 per cent - greater than the acceptable wellbeing average for= mainstream Australia. But homeless people starve in terms of personal rela= tionships, and their sense of wellbeing is so low compared to the wellbeing= of the general population that the Wesley Report findings help to show why= homeless people suffer high rates of clinical depression.

The t= rauma of childhood abuse had the greatest impact on the wellbeing of homele= ss people. More than two-thirds of those who were abused as children had pr= oblems so deep-seated that, for one in every five respondents, they contrib= uted to continuing homelessness. Despite popular perceptions most inner Syd= ney homeless people had originally come from elsewhere, with only 27 per ce= nt having lived in inner Sydney prior to becoming homeless=20
 

Dad's Prayer

           &nbs= p;       3D"Father
Dear God
 
Helen Keller said:
"Life is either a gr= eat adventure or nothing."
Help me be more adventurous as a father.My children need it, not the boring same-old, same old.
Getting the= latest gizmo or gadget
is not an adventure - that's just consumerism,=
and leads to becoming consumed by consuming.
Help me not to be c= onsumed.
Help me break out of the mould
and do something I haven'= t done before -
Something my children will enjoy.
You never know = -
I might just find myself in the middle of an adventure
and my c= hildren might find me too.
 
=
=09
=09
Help Us!

The Fatherhood Foundation is a Harm Pre= vention Charity.
Fatherlessness and inadequate fathering has been pro= ven to be a source of harm. The Fatherhood Foundation helps children b= y promoting excellence  in fathering. Excellent fathers are in word an= d deed: responsible, involved, protective, loving and committed to the well= -being of their children and their children's mother.

 

If you would like to give financially t= o the Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund and receive tax deductibility:

 

Fatherhood Found= ation Public Fund
(Name, address and amount details must be = emailed for a receipt for tax deductibility)

 


Westpac Branch Wollon= gong            = ;         DONATE ONLINE


BSB: 032 695
A/C: 25-5558
 

Or mail cheque and address details to:<= br />PO Box 542
UNANDERRA  NSW&nbs= p; 2526
AUSTRALIA

 

The Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund&n= bsp; is a public fund listed on the Register of Harm Prevention Charities u= nder Subdivision 30_EA of the Income Tax Assessment Act 1997.=

 

You have received the fatherson= line.org newsletter because you have subscribed, or you have been = subscribed by a friend.  If you do not wish to receive future emails, = please click the UNSUBSCRIBE button below.

=09
=09
=09
3D"Safe
This email was sent to blane@uow.edu.au by in= fo@fathersonline.org.
Fatherhood Foundati= on | P.O. Box 542 | Unanderra | NSW | 2526 | Australia
--_000_110219719064611019383454151211897191502scheduler_--