Received: from evaki.its.uow.edu.au ([130.130.68.32]) by anubis.ad.uow.edu.au with Microsoft SMTPSVC(6.0.3790.3959); Mon, 5 May 2008 16:07:55 +1000 Received: from febris-nat.its.uow.edu.au ([130.130.68.210] helo=febris.its.uow.edu.au) by evaki.its.uow.edu.au with esmtp (Exim 4.69) (envelope-from ) id 1Jstre-0002X1-Q3 for blane@uow.edu.au; Mon, 05 May 2008 16:07:54 +1000 Received: from marlin.fishinternet.com.au (marlin.fishinternet.com.au [202.77.90.3]) by febris.its.uow.edu.au (MOS 3.8.5-GA) with ESMTP id KGY54672; Mon, 5 May 2008 16:07:38 +1000 (EST) Received: from COMP1 (cpe-111-223-67-118.ade.interconnect.net.au [118.67.223.111]) by marlin.fishinternet.com.au (Postfix) with ESMTP id 47636DEB9E for ; Mon, 5 May 2008 16:07:20 +1000 (EST) From: "Fatherhood Foundation" To: "Lane, Brian" Subject: 28/04/2008 The Battle for the True Man Date: Tue, 13 May 2008 16:06:58 +1000 Message-ID: <000601c8b4bf$8e697bd0$6401a8c0@COMP1> MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: multipart/alternative; boundary="----=_NextPart_000_0007_01C8B513.60158BD0" X-Mailer: Microsoft Office Outlook 11 Thread-Index: Acin90gxerAfQq2MSWCh1TNmgMK2ewMyBmqw X-MimeOLE: Produced By Microsoft MimeOLE V6.00.2900.3198 X-Junkmail-Status: score=10/49, host=febris.its.uow.edu.au X-Junkmail-SD-Raw: score=unknown, refid=str=0001.0A010205.481EA43A.0044,ss=1,fgs=0, ip=202.77.90.3, so=2007-07-31 18:51:00, dmn=5.4.3/2008-02-01 Return-Path: info@fathersonline.org X-OriginalArrivalTime: 05 May 2008 06:07:55.0676 (UTC) FILETIME=[5C3A55C0:01C8AE76] This is a multi-part message in MIME format. ------=_NextPart_000_0007_01C8B513.60158BD0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset="us-ascii" Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit FF Header Logo 28th April 2008 Inspiring Fathers Encouraging Families Issue 297 The Battle for the True Man Dear Friend, Welcome to the Fatherhood Foundation newsletter and email information service for the fathers and families as we think about being true to ourselves In This Issue Frontline...Woman advocating for men Laughter..Missing the moment Grandfathers...True Man All You Need is Love..New Divisions Single Dads...Men Excluded Special Feature...Battle for True Man News & Info..2020 a failure Dad's Prayer..Be true to yourself Next Week Long Live Mothers Join our Mailing List! Quick Links Fatherhood Foundation Dads in Distress Men to Men Malachi Global Marriage com au Mannet Living Waters Care for the Family Wild at Heart CSA Adverts Thought of the Week Shakespeare To thine own self be true and as night follows day you cannot be false to any man William Shakespeare Frontline Elizabeth Celi When it comes to advocacy for men and fathers in a parliamentary setting one good woman is worth 10 good men. Such a woman is Dr Elizabeth Celi, a psychologist and author from Melbourne, Australia www.qualityliving.com.au Elizabeth was one of 30 key leaders from within the men and fathers movement that gathered at the historic Men and Father's Health Forum held at Parliament House, 19th March 2008. I have noticed that when men speak up in front of parliamentarians about the discrimination they experience in today's society the eyes of the parliamentarians glaze over - you can almost hear them thinking, 'another whinging male'. It has been reported that that is exactly what Quentin Bryce, former Sex Discrimination Commissioner and our new female Governor General elect, jotted on a letter of complaint re discrimination by a man. As Andrew Bolt said, "A woman could become a Governor General but you can be sure a man will never become a Sex Discrimination Commissioner." Some things never change. However, when Dr Elizabeth Celi pointed out to the many parliamentarians gathered at the Men and Father's Health Forum that is was atrocious that men were still waiting for a National Men's Health Policy almost 20 years after the same was granted to women in 1989 you could see them jump in their seats. It wasn't just what Elizabeth said, it was the passion in her voice as she said it. At one point in Dr Celi's presentation, as she spoke about some of the problems that men face, tears came to her eyes. Elizabeth is a caring woman with a real heart for the male of the species. Who can argue with that? Dr Elizabeth Celi is an extraordinary woman and she has just released an extraordinary book titled, 'Battle for the True Man - Regular Joe versus Mr Invincible'. Last weekend I spoke at an 'Iron Man's' breakfast in Armidale, NSW. I told the men about one of my favourite sayings about real men: 'Real Men: Accept Responsibility, Reject Passivity and Expect God's Reward'. To illustrate the point I read a portion of Dr Elizabeth Celi's book called, 'the greatest epidemic facing men today'. Interestingly enough, none of the men present disagreed. I'll let you make your own judgement. The SUSOWO Syndrome is a serious funny. It is an unofficial diagnosis that neatly encapsulates a great mechanism we can all use in appropriate situations. It's a generally healthy short-term coping mechanism we all engage in, especially in situations where we feel distressingly overwhelmed and need some time out to think, process and respond appropriately. Women do it. Men do it better! The SUSOWO Syndrome stands for The Shut Up, Switch Off and Walk Off Syndrome, Men Shut Up from talking about their fears, concerns, feelings and pressures they encounter from internal and external expectations. When the emotional system then overloads, it easily results in the Switch Off. However, it is up for debate as to whether the emotional overload results in the Switch Off first, which then leads to the Shut Up. Quite frankly, you can't Speak Up about something that's been Switched Off in your emotional system! . . . Man Thinking In men, there's a high potential that the SUSOWO mechanism can go wrong and become a Syndrome. Men's strengths of focus and diligence, which they apply well in the work context, can be too rigidly applied to SUSOWO and make them their own worst enemy. It seeps into their behaviour so frequently that is becomes hard to tell if it's a mental health strategy gone wrong or a personality flaw. Personally and professionally, I believe it's the former in most cases. Society tends to see it as the latter. Lovework I believe Dr Celi's diagnosis to be correct. The SUSOWO Syndrome is definitely alive and well in most of us. The anecdote, according to the good doctor, is SUSOSIT which means, Speak Up, remain Situationally On and Stay In It and face the problem - and that's a tough call for any man. Yours for more True Men Warwick Marsh PS. I had such high hopes for the 2020 Summit. It was painful to see such active discrimination against men and fathers when all 17 of the key leaders from the men's movement were excluded from the Summit. There were very few new ideas, mostly old, recycled, politically correct ideas. Working families didn't get a look in. Men and fathers were on the outer and children were left out in the cold. If you feel the same way, check out our Media Release /Call for a Fatherhood Summit in the News & Info section. Write a letter to your local paper or send a letter to your local parliamentarian. They need to know what you think! Remember SUSOSIT! ____________________________________________________________________________ __ Warwick Marsh has been married to Alison for 32 years. He is the grandfather of two children and father of five children, four boys and one girl, ranging in age from 27 years to 15 years. Warwick is a musician, songwriter, producer and public speaker who likes to think he can still laugh at himself. Laughter Man in Bathtub During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director how do you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized. "Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub." "Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup." "No." said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?" Grandfathers Adopted Family If there be any truer measure of a man than by what he does, it must be by what he gives. Robert South All You Need is Love New Class Divisions in Altared States Marraige Kids Miranda Devine April 10, 2008 Despite the concerted efforts of social revolutionaries over four decades, marriage is making a comeback, at least for Australia's most educated women. Career-minded women used to be haunted by the prospect of never marrying, because, according to conventional wisdom, men liked to marry down the social scale. "Oh my God I forgot to have children," was the cry of a generation of female university graduates who came of age in the 1980s. But in a decade, everything changed for this subset of women, according to an analysis of the 2006 census published this week in Monash University's People And Place journal. In 1996 a university-educated woman aged 30 to 34 was less likely to have a husband than her less-educated counterpart. But by 2006 she was more likely to be married. Smart women it seems, have worked out the value of traditional marriage as the optimal way of ensuring health, happiness and success for their children. In effect, they are reinventing the wheel, because the reason nuclear families came into existence in the first place was to protect the interests of women and children by harnessing men's energies. Sex without strings is of benefit primarily to men. And smart men may have realised that marriage to the pretty airhead, who will uncomplainingly set out the pipe and slippers at the end of a hard day and make sure the children are clean and fed, is not all it was cracked up to be. Increasingly, in times of job uncertainty a marriage of equals, and two incomes, is an economic necessity. The division of labour in a marriage may have changed - from a male breadwinner and stay-at-home mother - to a more equal partnering based on shared roles and a common purpose - but its value as an economic unit best placed to advance the wellbeing of children remains. But the march towards the altar by educated women outlined in the paper, Partnerships At The 2006 Census, by Genevieve Heard, a research fellow at the Monash's Centre for Population and Urban Research, is only a glimmer of light in what has been a bleak picture for the future of marriage. What is yet to be seen is whether the phenomenon will filter down the social strata, to those most in need of protection. As rates of traditional marriage have declined, fatherhood has been devalued and rendered obsolete in the most needy parts of Australia. Whenever we hear of a Jaidyn Leskie or Dean Shillingsworth, or any number of child victims of abuse or neglect, the elephant in the room is always the family situation - or lack of it. Invariably the mother is in some sort of chaotic de facto relationship, sometimes with numerous children to different fathers. While dispensing with formal marriage may once have been considered a logical consequence of financial independence for better-educated women, for the children of the underclass it has been a disaster. As the US social researcher Kay Hymowitz has pointed out in her 2006 book, Marriage And Caste In America: Separate And Unequal Families In A Post-Marital Age, the breakdown of marriage has created two unequal classes - one successful, upwardly mobile and marriage-minded, the other struggling. In Australia, Heard found the overall proportion of women aged 30 to 34 who were married fell to 56 per cent in 2006, from 65 per cent in 1996. For those aged 35 to 39 the rate went from 70 per cent to 63 per cent. An increasing percentage of 25 to 29-year-old men and women are living in de facto relationships - 21 per cent, up from 14 per cent in 1996. Business Marriage "It seems men and women are increasingly reluctant to enter marriage in the first place," wrote Heard. Yet while marriage rates continue to decline steeply overall, far from acceding to the United Nations declaration that "formal marriage is receding everywhere", she suggests that "we are witnessing the redistribution of marriage." Heard writes the conventional wisdom held that increased female economic independence lowered "the incentive to union formation", and that as women become more educated they "acquire a less traditional orientation, place less emphasis on the family and as a result are less likely to form partnerships [particularly] marriage". But, she found: "This assumption has changed from true to false within the space of a decade." Among women aged 30 to 34 in 2006, 61 per cent of those with degrees were married compared with 53 per cent of those with just a high school education. Heard joins Hymowitz in decrying the "disturbing phenomenon" in which marriage becomes available only to the most educated and prosperous. It is a self-perpetuating cycle, with children in intact marriages receiving more care and attention from both parents, as well as the benefits of two incomes. A 1996 Cornell University study highlighted the advantage. The analysis of a longitudinal study of almost 30,000 American high school students showed that children who lived with two biological parents (that is, almost always married) were twice as likely to attend an elite university. "Why do educated women marry before they have children?" asks Hymowitz. "Because, like high-status women since status began, they are preparing their offspring to carry on their way of life. Marriage radically increases their chances of doing that." With the decline of marriage, women at the bottom of the social scale lost not only a husband but a reliable "life-scrip... a way of organising their early lives that would...culminate in childbearing only after job training and marriage. Worst of all... low-income women lost a culture that told them the truth about what was best for their children." Heard, 30, and soon to be married herself, was surprised to find that, given the choice, women wanted the very thing that 1970s feminists had labelled as the greatest oppressor of women. "It's always been assumed that more educated women are at the vanguard of change, that they are rebels, if you like, with regard to traditional steps like getting married," she told ABC Radio. "In fact, these data show that... those with the most choice in these situations are choosing the most conservative route." If more women realise that, far from being the "comfortable prison" of feminist lore, marriage has been the greatest social liberator for women and children, life at the bottom may begin to look up. devinemiranda@hotmail.com Single Dads Men Excluded I have to say it was disappointing to say the least 2020 that our new Government kicks off with the 2020 summit last weekend and then excludes representation of any major Fatherhood group. Disappointing but not surprising. Fathers are being forced into redundancy or at least it seems that is how they are feeling. I never applied for the summit, maybe I should of. But for me it was just another talk-fest and to be honest I'm over them. When this Government announced the fast tracking of a national Men's Health Policy in its election run up I was excited and came out in full support. Where is it? What has happened? Nothing. The Fatherhood Foundation is calling for an urgent National Fatherhood Summit and Dads in Distress Inc would support that fully.I would support that personally. Simply because I know personally what it is like to feel, as a man, as a father, that you are no longer relevant, that you are no longer needed. I see and hear from men all over the country and from overseas who feel the same way. According to the ABS our suicide rate has dropped down from 5 a day to 4 a day. Unfortunately I still hear from far too many who have lost loved ones to suicide due to a relationship breakdown. The suicide rate still has a ratio of 4 to 1. That is 4 males to 1 female. There are approximately 28 MALE suicides each and every week in this country. The highest at risk group being 35-50 years. And dads going through divorce or separation. Figures are not complete. We all know there are many suicides that are reported as something else. Death by drowning, single vehicle accidents, death by misadventure etc etc. We all know that people are reluctant to admit suicide due to stigma, insurance etc. But the reality is we are still losing far too many men to suicide, at least 28 a WEEK. Now, we need a Men's Health Policy. We need to start talking and then ACTIONING some strategies around what to do around men's health. And it's not just about 'visit your GP more often', it's not just about 'check your prostrate'. Its about Fatherlessness. Its about Men feeling redundant in today's society. Its about, has this Government given up on men, on its fathers? Its about has our society given up on its men, on its fathers?Its about do Fathers have any relevance in today's family? I am supposedly the leader of one the countries major Fatherhood organisations and I have gotta tell you, I don't know any more!! Its about the call for a NATIONAL FATHERHOOD SUMMIT. This Government needs to wake up, because every week we wait another 28 MALES will die needlessly, how many children will be left behind without a dad or worst still how many will follow his lead? Believe me too many. Tony Miller Dads in Distress www.dids.org.au Special Feature The Battle for the True Man Blue Man Excerpt from 'The Battle for the True Man: Regular Joe versus Mr Invincible' by Dr Elizabeth Celi available from: www.qualityliving.com.au Paul is one of six men interviewed throughout the book. This topic is about work/family balance, just one of the many topics covered in this great book. Paul: You find as you go on, the more senior positions you hold, prioritizing is one of the crucial things you have to do. Elizabeth: Sure. Paul: Because there's no way you'll ever do 100 percent of things that people expect of you or the organisation expects of you, so you've really got to prioritise but the thing that I've used through life is, I've prioritised in two ways. I've prioritized in respect of the job that I'm trying to do and I was ambitious when I was younger. Elizabeth:So prioritise within the job within the role. Paul: Within the job, within the role but also prioritise on the family side as well. Elizabeth:Right. Paul: And then, I would have two lots of priorities and it's then a question of balancing priorities. If you don't do that, and you're a conscientious person, you'll more than likely have a nervous breakdown in the end because you'll find it becomes too big. The only way you could handle it as the pressures come on is to break down the compartments into something that is manageable, but making certain you've got your priorities right. . . . . . . Men are sensitive beings. They are more receptive to feelings and emotions than women are. On the emotional Richter scale, what might register a one for women would register a five for men. That may seem counter-intuitive, considering women are known to be more emotional and emotionally expressive. . . . . . Have the courage to express your vulnerabilities and the strength to address them. This is where the True Man emerges, strengthens, reconnects and becomes a pillar of society, in his own right and therefore in giving to others around him. The True Man status doesn't just fall into your lap. It takes drive and it takes focus. You have to put in the hard yards, make the tough decisions, face the fears and be vulnerable when the situation calls for it. The more you connect with your True Man, the more you sense his true power in your daily life. That power becomes grounded in your daily life, which facilitates connecting with your True Man through your life experiences. Simultaneously, you become a tower of genuine strength, strong in your principles and convictions, a role model of ethical and respectful behaviour. The strong connection with your True Man makes all of this happen with ease. You inevitably become a beacon for other men. Your charisma becomes a magnet for a solid and quality network of True people within your circles. Even more than that, you can look forward to experiencing sheer joy, appreciation for the smallest of events that carry the deepest significance, quality moments in your interactions with people, priceless moments with your kids and the rapture of a mind-blowing intimacy with your partner, especially when that partner is your soul mate. That's only a taste of what makes reconnecting with the True Man so valuable. www.qualityliving.com.au News & Info Fatherhood Foundation Logo Media Release 2020 Summit - a Failure for Working Families Call for Fatherhood Summit to Help our Children The Fatherhood Foundation first raised the need for a National Fatherhood Summit to turn the tide of fatherlessness and family breakdown in 2002. The Fatherhood Foundation has renewed the call for a National Fatherhood Summit in the light of the dismal failure of the 2020 Summit to provide a voice for the working families of Australia. Warwick Marsh from the Fatherhood Foundation said, "The outcomes of the Summit prove our earlier assertion that the 2020 Summit held last weekend was fatally flawed. Seventeen key leaders (including two professors) from the men and father's movement were excluded whilst Labor-friendly politically-correct activist group 'GetUp' had 118 of their members included in what proved to be a stacked deck for summit delegates. Those that suffered from gender disorientation pathology were well represented as well as many other fringe groups such as president of the prostitutes group 'Scarlet Alliance', but where was the voice for ordinary Australian families and more importantly a voice for our children." Families are in meltdown with one in two marriages breaking up. Defacto breakdown is even worse. It is ironic that research has shown that many of the problems listed on the background paper of the 2020 Summit are related to fatherlessness. The increased levels of domestic violence, drug addiction, gambling addictions, alcoholism, psychological problems, homelessness, sexual abuse, child abuse, rape, violence, crime, poverty and the declining birth rate are directly related to the epidemic of fatherlessness that is afflicting our nation. The very groups that could make a significant contribution to the issues being discussed were excluded from participation. Warwick Marsh continued, "The serious crisis in men's health was not even considered at the 2020 Summit and no mention was made of the ALP's promise at the last election to fast track a national Men's Health Policy. According to Professor Freda Briggs, even the subject of ending child abuse did not get any traction at the 2020 Summit. If there is a big idea in Australia today it must be ending child abuse. The fact that the pressing problems that working families face were overtaken by subjects such as a republic, bill of rights and a treaty shows how out of touch the 2020 Summit was with the needs of ordinary hardworking Australians." It has been reported in the national press that 2020 Summit facilitators were forced to meld their recommendations in line with ALP policy. This is nothing more than political opportunism by a government bent on bipartisan fraud. The new government has squandered a wonderful opportunity to advance the cause of working families. The Fatherhood Foundation renews its call for an urgent Fatherhood Summit. How much longer must our children wait? For further information please contact: Warwick Marsh Fatherhood Foundation www.fatherhood.org.au 0418 225 212 or 02 4272667 ___________________________________________________________________ Information Video of Dads in Distress ***** ____________________________________________________________________ The Lost Boys A new observational documentary series for TV called The Lost Boys is being produced. It focuses on 5 fathers and their sons who are currently experiencing some type of difficulty or strain in their relationship due to long working hours, divorce, absence etc. We would be taking the fathers and sons away on a cattle drove in Australia for 28 days with the idea that with help and time away together they will hopefully mend problems in their communications and create a new bond between them. This is a very professional project with backing from relationship councillors and droving experts who regularly host groups of public to take part in a similar experience. There is definitely no voting, panel of judges or elimination in the format. It really is about fathers and sons attempting to re-build their relationship with newly acquired skills through a combined experience. I am looking for fathers and sons who may be interested in participating. Sons would have to be minimum age 15 through to 24. I truly believe it's a really worthy project, but our biggest problem right now is time. We've been working on it for a couple of weeks and still are short of four or five case studies which will effect if we can get the show commissioned and since it's such a worthy cause I'd really hate to have it slip. I was hoping I may be able to speak with you in case you may know of any fathers/sons who may be interested in taking part. If you are interested please contact Catherine Cantwell 02 9434 0666 Catherine.Cantwell@fremantlemedia.com.au Kirsty de Vallance 02 9413 8640 & 0403 182293 kirsty@acastofthousands.com.au ___________________________________________________________________ Thanksgiving 08 The National Day of Thanksgiving is a unique opportunity for Australians to celebrate and give thanks for our God given heritage as a nation and to demonstrate the God given values of honour, respect, thankfulness and gratitude towards our fellow man that have made us the great nation we are. It is a day for us to pause as a nation and say thank you to God and to each other for those many things we often take for granted but which really make our lives worth living. Let us use this day to be a blessing to those who have been a blessing to us during the past year. An opportunity not an event-Take the link ____________________________________________________________________________ __ MTM Logo "Freedom to Love" 20-22 June 2008 Camp Somerset Rob Jones and Alan MacKenzie will speak on our childhood wounding and how these can be made sacred by the power of paradox. One of those paradoxes is that in order to become an integrated whole being, we must first separate and own all of the different parts of our self within. As long as we don't have clear boundaries between our self and others, we cannot know where we end and someone else starts - we cannot get clear on what is our stuff and what is theirs. As long as we don't have clear boundaries within ourselves, we are set up to be the victim of our own thoughts, feelings, and behaviour. Find out more & register Dad's Prayer Depressed man Dear God Shakespeare said, 'To thine own self be true and as night follows day you cannot be false to any man. Was he talking about the true man?' It seems logical that If we want to win the battle for the True man, We must first win the battle for truth! This is a hard battle to win because I am my greatest deceiver. You say in your word that you 'desire truth in the inward parts'. Give me the grace to want to know the truth however unpalatable it may be to my unbelieving ears. Give me the strength to make the truth part of my life, even if it kills me, as it surely will. The good news is, out of death comes life. Help Us! The Fatherhood Foundation is a Harm Prevention Charity. Fatherlessness and inadequate fathering has been proven to be a source of harm. The Fatherhood Foundation helps children by promoting excellence in fathering. Excellent fathers are in word and deed: responsible, involved, protective, loving and committed to the well-being of their children and their children's mother. If you would like to give financially to the Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund and receive tax deductibility: Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund (Name, address and amount details must be emailed for a receipt for tax deductibility) Westpac Branch Wollongong BSB: 032 695 A/C: 25-5558 Or mail cheque and address details to: PO Box 440 WOLLONGONG NSW 2520 AUSTRALIA The Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund is a public fund listed on the Register of Harm Prevention Charities under Subdivision 30_EA of the Income Tax Assessment Act 1997. You have received the fathersonline.org newsletter because you have subscribed, or you have been subscribed by a friend. If you do not wish to receive future emails, please click the UNSUBSCRIBE button below. Forward email Safe Unsubscribe This email was sent to info@fathersonline.org, by info@fathersonline.org Update Profile/Email Address | Instant removal with SafeUnsubscribe T | Privacy Policy . Email Marketing by Fatherhood Foundation | P.O. Box 542 | Unanderra | NSW | 2526 | Australia ------=_NextPart_000_0007_01C8B513.60158BD0 Content-Type: text/html; charset="us-ascii" Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable

 

3D"FF

28th  April 2008    =       Inspiring Fathers   Encouraging = Families

Issue = 297

The Battle for the True = Man

 

 

Dear = Friend,

Welcome to the Fatherhood = Foundation newsletter and email information service for the fathers and = families as we think about being true to ourselves

 

In This = Issue

=

Frontline...Woman advocating = for men

Laughter..Missing the = moment

Grandfathers...True = Man

All You Need is Love..New = Divisions

Single Dads...Men = Excluded

Special Feature...Battle for = True Man

News & Info..2020 a = failure

Dad's Prayer..Be true to = yourself

 

Next Week  =

 Long = Live Mothers

<= /font>

 =

Join our Mailing = List!

 

 

Quick Links

 

Thought of the = Week

       = 3DShakespeare

To thine own self be true and as night follows day you cannot be = false to any man

William Shakespeare

 

 

  =

 

Frontline

 

3D"ElizabethWhen it comes to advocacy for men and fathers in a parliamentary setting one good woman is worth 10 good men. Such a = woman is Dr Elizabeth Celi, a psychologist and author from Melbourne, = Australia www.qualityliving.com.au  Elizabeth was = one of 30 key leaders from within the men and fathers movement that gathered at = the historic Men and Father's Health Forum held at Parliament House, = 19th March 2008.

 

I have noticed that when men speak up in front of parliamentarians about the discrimination they experience in = today's society the eyes of the parliamentarians glaze over - you can = almost hear them thinking, 'another whinging male'. It has been reported that = that is exactly what Quentin Bryce, former Sex Discrimination Commissioner = and our new female Governor General elect, jotted on a letter of = complaint re discrimination by a man. As Andrew Bolt said, "A woman could = become a Governor General but you can be sure a man will never become a = Sex Discrimination Commissioner." Some things never = change.

 

However, when Dr Elizabeth Celi pointed out to the = many parliamentarians gathered at the Men and Father's Health Forum = that is was atrocious that men were still waiting for a National Men's = Health Policy almost 20 years after the same was granted to women in 1989 = you could see them jump in their seats.  It wasn't just what = Elizabeth said, it was the passion in her voice as she said it. At one point in Dr = Celi's presentation, as she spoke about some of the problems that men = face, tears came to her eyes. Elizabeth is a caring woman with a real = heart for the male of the species. Who can argue with = that?

 

Dr Elizabeth Celi is an extraordinary woman and she = has just released an extraordinary book titled, 'Battle for the True Man - = Regular Joe versus Mr Invincible'.

 

Last weekend I spoke at an 'Iron Man's' breakfast in Armidale, NSW. I told the men about one of my favourite sayings = about real men: 'Real Men: Accept Responsibility, Reject Passivity and = Expect God's Reward'. To illustrate the point I read a portion of Dr = Elizabeth Celi's book called, 'the greatest epidemic facing men today'. Interestingly enough, none of the men present disagreed. I'll let = you make your own judgement.

 

The SUSOWO Syndrome is a serious = funny. It is an unofficial diagnosis that neatly encapsulates a great = mechanism we can all use in appropriate situations. It's a generally healthy short-term coping mechanism we all engage in, especially in = situations where we feel distressingly overwhelmed and need some time out to = think, process and respond appropriately.

 

Women do it. Men do it better! The = SUSOWO Syndrome stands for The Shut Up, Switch Off and Walk Off Syndrome, = Men Shut Up from talking about their fears, concerns, feelings and = pressures they encounter from internal and external expectations. When the emotional system then overloads, it easily results in the Switch = Off. However, it is up for debate as to whether the emotional overload = results in the Switch Off first, which then leads to the Shut Up. Quite = frankly, you can't Speak Up about something that's been Switched Off in = your emotional system! . . .3D"Man

 

In men, there's a high potential = that the SUSOWO mechanism can go wrong and become a Syndrome. Men's = strengths of focus and diligence, which they apply well in the work context, = can be too rigidly applied to SUSOWO and make them their own worst enemy. = It seeps into their behaviour so frequently that is becomes hard to tell if = it's a mental health strategy gone wrong or a personality flaw. = Personally and professionally, I believe it's the former in most cases. Society = tends to see it as the latter.

 

Lovework

 

I believe Dr Celi's diagnosis to be correct. The = SUSOWO Syndrome is definitely alive and well in most of us. The anecdote, according to the good doctor, is SUSOSIT which means, Speak Up, = remain Situationally On and Stay In It and face the problem - and that's = a tough call for any man.

 

Yours for more True Men

Warwick Marsh

 

PS. I had such high hopes for the 2020 Summit. It was painful to see such active discrimination against men and fathers = when all 17 of the key leaders from the men's movement were excluded = from the Summit.

 

There were very few new ideas, mostly old, recycled, politically correct ideas. Working families didn't get a look in. = Men and fathers were on the outer and children were left out in the cold. = If you feel the same way, check out our Media Release /Call for a = Fatherhood Summit in the News & Info section. Write a letter to your = local paper or send a letter to your local parliamentarian. They need to know = what you think! Remember SUSOSIT!

______________= ________________________________________________________________

Warwick Marsh  has been married to Alison for 32 = years. He is the grandfather of two children and father of five children, four = boys and one girl, ranging in age from 27 years to 15 years.  Warwick is a musician, songwriter, producer and public speaker who = likes to think he can still laugh at himself.

 

Laughter

 

         = 3D"Man

 

 

During a visit to the mental asylum, a = visitor asked the Director how do you determine whether or not a patient = should be institutionalized.

"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, = then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him = or her to empty the bathtub."

"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal = person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."

"No." said the Director, "A normal person would = pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"

 

 

Grandfathers

 

         =           3D"Adopted

         =      

<= font size=3D5 color=3Dblack face=3D"Comic Sans MS">If there be any truer = measure of a man

<= font size=3D5 color=3Dblack face=3D"Comic Sans MS">than by what he = does,

<= font size=3D5 color=3Dblack face=3D"Comic Sans MS">it must be by what he = gives.

 

Robert = South

 

All You = Need is Love

New Class Divisions in Altared = States3D"Marraige

Miranda Devine
April 10, 2008

Despite = the concerted efforts of social revolutionaries over four decades, = marriage is making a comeback, at least for Australia's most educated = women.

Career-minded women used to be haunted by the prospect of never marrying, = because, according to conventional wisdom, men liked to marry down the = social scale.

"Oh my = God I forgot to have children," was the cry of a generation of = female university graduates who came of age in the = 1980s.

But in = a decade, everything changed for this subset of women, according to an = analysis of the 2006 census published this week in Monash University's = People And Place = journal.

In 1996 = a university-educated woman aged 30 to 34 was less likely to have a = husband than her less-educated counterpart. But by 2006 she was more = likely to be married.

Smart = women it seems, have worked out the value of traditional marriage as the = optimal way of ensuring health, happiness and success for their children. = In effect, they are reinventing the wheel, because the reason nuclear families came into existence in the first place was to protect the interests of women and children by harnessing men's energies. Sex = without strings is of benefit primarily to men.

And = smart men may have realised that marriage to the pretty airhead, who will uncomplainingly set out the pipe and slippers at the end of a hard = day and make sure the children are clean and fed, is not all it was = cracked up to be.

Increasingly, = in times of job uncertainty a marriage of equals, and two incomes, is = an economic necessity.

The = division of labour in a marriage may have changed - from a male breadwinner = and stay-at-home mother - to a more equal partnering based on shared = roles and a common purpose - but its value as an economic unit best = placed to advance the wellbeing of children remains.

But the = march towards the altar by educated women outlined in the paper, = Partnerships At The 2006 = Census, by Genevieve Heard, a research fellow at the Monash's Centre for = Population and Urban Research, is only a glimmer of light in what has been a = bleak picture for the future of marriage. What is yet to be seen is whether the phenomenon will filter down the social strata, to those most in = need of protection.

As = rates of traditional marriage have declined, fatherhood has been devalued = and rendered obsolete in the most needy parts of Australia. Whenever = we hear of a Jaidyn Leskie or Dean Shillingsworth, or any number of child = victims of abuse or neglect, the elephant in the room is always the family situation - or lack of it. Invariably the mother is in some sort = of chaotic de facto relationship, sometimes with numerous children to different fathers.

While = dispensing with formal marriage may once have been considered a logical = consequence of financial independence for better-educated women, for the = children of the underclass it has been a disaster.

As the = US social researcher Kay Hymowitz has pointed out in her 2006 book, Marriage And Caste In America: = Separate And Unequal Families In A Post-Marital Age, the breakdown = of marriage has created two unequal classes - one successful, = upwardly mobile and marriage-minded, the other = struggling.

In = Australia, Heard found the overall proportion of women aged 30 to 34 who were married fell to 56 per cent in 2006, from 65 per cent in 1996. For = those aged 35 to 39 the rate went from 70 per cent to 63 per cent. An increasing percentage of 25 to 29-year-old men and women are = living in de facto relationships - 21 per cent, up from 14 per cent in = 1996.

3D"Business"It seems men and women are increasingly = reluctant to enter marriage in the first place," wrote = Heard.

Yet = while marriage rates continue to decline steeply overall, far from = acceding to the United Nations declaration that "formal marriage is = receding everywhere", she suggests that "we are witnessing the redistribution of marriage."

Heard = writes the conventional wisdom held that increased female economic = independence lowered "the incentive to union formation", and that as = women become more educated they "acquire a less traditional = orientation, place less emphasis on the family and as a result are less likely = to form partnerships [particularly] marriage".

But, = she found: "This assumption has changed from true to false within the = space of a decade."

Among = women aged 30 to 34 in 2006, 61 per cent of those with degrees were married = compared with 53 per cent of those with just a high school = education.

Heard = joins Hymowitz in decrying the "disturbing phenomenon" in = which marriage becomes available only to the most educated and = prosperous. It is a self-perpetuating cycle, with children in intact marriages = receiving more care and attention from both parents, as well as the benefits = of two incomes.

A 1996 = Cornell University study highlighted the advantage. The analysis of a longitudinal study of almost 30,000 American high school students = showed that children who lived with two biological parents (that is, = almost always married) were twice as likely to attend an elite = university.

"Why do educated women marry before they have children?" asks = Hymowitz. "Because, like high-status women since status began, they are preparing their offspring to carry on their way of life. Marriage radically increases their chances of doing = that."

With = the decline of marriage, women at the bottom of the social scale lost not only = a husband but a reliable "life-scrip... a way of organising = their early lives that would...culminate in childbearing only after job training and marriage. Worst of all... low-income women lost a = culture that told them the truth about what was best for their = children."

Heard, = 30, and soon to be married herself, was surprised to find that, given the = choice, women wanted the very thing that 1970s feminists had labelled as = the greatest oppressor of women.

"It's = always been assumed that more educated women are at the vanguard of = change, that they are rebels, if you like, with regard to traditional steps = like getting married," she told ABC Radio. "In fact, these = data show that... those with the most choice in these situations are = choosing the most conservative route."

If more = women realise that, far from being the "comfortable prison" of feminist lore, marriage has been the greatest social liberator for = women and children, life at the bottom may begin to look = up.

devinemiranda@hotmail.com

 

 

Single = Dads

 

Men Excluded

I have to say it was disappointing to say the least = 3D2020that our new Government kicks off with the 2020 = summit last weekend and then excludes representation of any major Fatherhood = group. Disappointing but not surprising. Fathers are being = forced into redundancy or at least it seems that is how they are feeling. = I never applied for the summit, maybe I should of. But for me it was = just another talk-fest and to be honest I'm over them. When this = Government announced the fast tracking of a national Men's Health Policy in = its election run up I was excited and came out in full support. Where = is it? What has happened? Nothing.

 

The Fatherhood Foundation is calling for an urgent = National Fatherhood Summit and Dads in Distress Inc would support that = fully.I would support that personally. Simply because I know personally = what it is like to feel, as a man, as a father, that you are no longer = relevant, that you are no longer needed.

 

I see and hear from men all over the country and from overseas who feel the same way.

 

According to the ABS our suicide rate has dropped = down from 5 a day to 4 a day. Unfortunately I still hear from far too many = who have lost loved ones to suicide due to a relationship breakdown. The = suicide rate still has a ratio of 4 to 1. That is 4 males to 1 female. = There are approximately 28 MALE suicides each and every week in this = country. The highest at risk group being 35-50 years. And dads going through = divorce or separation. Figures are not complete. We all know there are = many suicides that are reported as something else. Death by drowning, = single vehicle accidents, death by misadventure etc etc. We all know that = people are reluctant to admit suicide due to stigma, insurance etc. But = the reality is we are still losing far too many men to suicide, at = least 28 a WEEK.<= /span>

 

Now, we need a Men's Health Policy. We need to start = talking and then ACTIONING some strategies around what to do around men's = health. And it's not just about 'visit your GP more often', it's not just = about 'check your prostrate'. Its about Fatherlessness. Its about Men = feeling redundant in today's society. Its about, has this Government given = up on men, on its fathers? Its about has our society given up on its = men, on its fathers?Its about do Fathers have any relevance in today's = family? I am supposedly the leader of one the countries major Fatherhood organisations and I have gotta tell you, I don't know any = more!!

 

Its about the call for a NATIONAL FATHERHOOD SUMMIT. = This Government needs to wake up, because every week we wait another 28 = MALES will die needlessly, how many children will be left behind without = a dad or worst still how many will follow his lead? Believe me too = many.

 

Tony Miller

Dads in Distress

www.dids.org.au

 

Special = Feature

 

  

The Battle for the True Man3D"Blue

 

Excerpt from 'The Battle for the True Man: Regular = Joe versus Mr Invincible' by Dr Elizabeth Celi available from: = www.qualityliving.com.au

 

Paul is one of six men interviewed throughout the = book. This topic is about work/family balance, just one of the many topics = covered in this great book.

 

Paul:         You find = as you go on, the more senior positions you hold, prioritizing is one of the crucial things you have to = do.

 

Elizabeth: Sure.

 

Paul:         = Because there's no way you'll ever do 100 percent of things that people expect of you or the organisation expects of = you, so you've really got to prioritise but the thing that I've used = through life is, I've prioritised in two ways. I've prioritized in respect = of the job that I'm trying to do and I was ambitious when I was = younger.

 

Elizabeth:So prioritise within the job within the = role.

 

Paul:         = Within the job, within the role but also prioritise on the family side as = well.

 

Elizabeth:Right.

 

Paul:         And = then, I would have two lots of priorities and it's then a question of balancing priorities. If you don't do = that, and you're a conscientious person, you'll more than likely have a = nervous breakdown in the end because you'll find it becomes too big. The = only way you could handle it as the pressures come on is to break down the compartments into something that is manageable, but making certain = you've got your priorities right. . . .

 

. . . Men are sensitive beings. They are more = receptive to feelings and emotions than women are. On the emotional Richter = scale, what might register a one for women would register a five for men. = That may seem counter-intuitive, considering women are known to be more emotional and emotionally expressive. . . =

 

. . . Have the courage to express your = vulnerabilities and the strength to address them. This is where the True Man emerges, strengthens, reconnects and becomes a pillar of society, in his = own right and therefore in giving to others around = him.

 

The True Man status doesn't just fall into your lap. = It takes drive and it takes focus. You have to put in the hard yards, = make the tough decisions, face the fears and be vulnerable when the = situation calls for it. The more you connect with your True Man, the more = you sense his true power in your daily life. That power becomes grounded in = your daily life, which facilitates connecting with your True Man = through your life experiences.

 

Simultaneously, you become a tower of genuine = strength, strong in your principles and convictions, a role model of ethical = and respectful behaviour. The strong connection with your True Man = makes all of this happen with ease. You inevitably become a beacon for other = men. Your charisma becomes a magnet for a solid and quality network of = True people within your circles.

 

Even more than that, you can look forward to = experiencing sheer joy, appreciation for the smallest of events that carry the = deepest significance, quality moments in your interactions with people, = priceless moments with your kids and the rapture of a mind-blowing intimacy = with your partner, especially when that partner is your soul = mate.

 

That's only a taste of what makes reconnecting with = the True Man so valuable.

 

www.qualityliving.com.au

 

   News & = Info

          =             &= nbsp;           &n= bsp;           &nb= sp;

3D"Fatherhood

Media = Release

 

<= font size=3D2 color=3Dblack face=3DVerdana>2020 Summit - a Failure for Working = Families

<= font size=3D2 color=3Dblack face=3DVerdana>Call for Fatherhood Summit to Help our = Children

 

The Fatherhood Foundation first raised the = need for a National Fatherhood Summit to turn the tide of fatherlessness = and family breakdown in 2002.

 

The Fatherhood Foundation = has renewed the call for a National Fatherhood Summit in the light of = the dismal failure of the 2020 Summit to provide a voice for the = working families of Australia.

 

Warwick Marsh from the Fatherhood Foundation = said, "The outcomes of the = Summit prove our earlier assertion that the 2020 Summit held last weekend was = fatally flawed. Seventeen key leaders (including two professors) from the = men and father's movement were excluded whilst Labor-friendly = politically-correct activist group 'GetUp' had 118 of their members included in what = proved to be a stacked deck for summit delegates. Those that suffered = from gender disorientation pathology were well represented as well as = many other fringe groups such as president of the prostitutes group = 'Scarlet Alliance', but where was the voice for ordinary Australian = families and more importantly a voice for our = children."

 

Families are in meltdown = with one in two marriages breaking up. Defacto breakdown is even worse. It = is ironic that research has shown that many of the problems listed on = the background paper of the 2020 Summit are related to = fatherlessness.

 

The increased levels of domestic violence, = drug addiction, gambling addictions, alcoholism, psychological = problems, homelessness, sexual abuse, child abuse, rape, violence, crime, = poverty and the declining birth rate are directly related to the epidemic = of fatherlessness that is afflicting our nation.

 

The very = groups that could make a significant = contribution to the issues being discussed were excluded from = participation.

 

Warwick Marsh continued, "The serious crisis in men's health was not even = considered at the 2020 Summit and no mention was made of the ALP's promise at = the last election to fast track a national Men's Health Policy. = According to Professor Freda Briggs, even the subject of ending child abuse did = not get any traction at the 2020 Summit. If there is a big idea in = Australia today it must be ending child abuse. The fact that the pressing = problems that working families face were overtaken by subjects such as a = republic, bill of rights and a treaty shows how out of touch the 2020 Summit = was with the needs of ordinary hardworking Australians." =

 

It has been reported in the national press = that 2020 Summit facilitators were forced to meld their recommendations in = line with ALP policy. This is nothing more than political opportunism = by a government bent on bipartisan fraud.

 

The new government has squandered a wonderful opportunity to advance the cause of working families.  The = Fatherhood Foundation renews its call for an urgent Fatherhood Summit. =

How much longer must our = children wait?

 

For further information please = contact:

Warwick Marsh

Fatherhood Foundation

www.fatherhood.org.au

0418 225 212  or  02 = 4272667

 

________________= ___________________________________________________

 

 

________________= ____________________________________________________

 

 

The Lost = Boys

 

A new observational documentary series for TV called The Lost Boys = is being produced.  It focuses on 5 fathers and their sons who are = currently experiencing some type of difficulty or strain in their = relationship due to long working hours, divorce, absence etc.   We would be = taking the fathers and sons away on a cattle drove in Australia for 28 = days with the idea that with help and time away together they will hopefully = mend problems in their communications and create a new bond between = them.

This is a very professional project with backing from relationship councillors and droving experts who regularly host groups of = public to take part in a similar experience. There is definitely no voting, = panel of judges or elimination in the format.  It really is about = fathers and sons attempting to re-build their relationship with newly = acquired skills through a combined experience.

I am looking for fathers and sons who may be interested in = participating.
Sons would have to be minimum age 15 through to 24.

I truly believe it's a really worthy project, but our biggest = problem right now is time.  We've been working on it for a couple of = weeks and still are short of four or five case studies which will effect = if we can get the show commissioned and since it's such a worthy cause = I'd really hate to have it slip.  I was hoping I may be able to = speak with you in case you may know of any fathers/sons who may be = interested in taking part.

 If you are interested please contact
Catherine Cantwell         = 02  9434 = 0666           &nb= sp;    =             Catherine.Cantw= ell@fremantlemedia.com.au

Kirsty de Vallance          = 02  9413 8640 & 0403 182293     kirsty@acastofthousands.c= om.au

 

________________= ___________________________________________________

 

3D"ThanksgivingThe National Day of Thanksgiving is a unique = opportunity for Australians to celebrate and give thanks for our God given heritage as a nation and to demonstrate the God = given values of honour, respect, thankfulness and gratitude towards our = fellow man that have made us the great nation we are.

 

It is a = day for us to pause as a nation and say thank you to God and to each other for those many things we often take for granted but which = really make our lives worth living.  Let us use this day to be a = blessing to those who have been a blessing to us during the past = year.

________________= ______________________________________________________________=

 

 <= /font>

3D"MTM"Freedom = to = Love"

20-22 June 2008 Camp = Somerset

 <= /font>Rob Jones and Alan MacKenzie will speak on = our childhood wounding and how these can be made sacred by the power = of paradox. One of those paradoxes is that in order to become an = integrated whole being, we must first separate and own all of the different = parts of our self within. As long as we don't have clear boundaries between = our self and others, we cannot know where we end and someone else = starts - we cannot get clear on what is our stuff and what is theirs. As long = as we don't have clear boundaries within ourselves, we are set up to be = the victim of our own thoughts, feelings, and = behaviour.

 

 

Dad's Prayer

         &nbs= p; 3D"Depressed        &= nbsp;   

 

 

Dear = God

 

Shakespeare said, =

'To thine own self be = true

and as night follows = day

you cannot be false to = any man.

Was he talking about = the true man?'

 

It seems logical that =

If we want to win the = battle

for the True = man,

We must first win the = battle for truth!

This is a hard battle = to win

because I am my = greatest deceiver.

You say in your word = that you

'desire truth in the = inward parts'.

 

Give me the grace to = want to know the truth

however unpalatable it = may be to my unbelieving ears.

Give me the strength to = make the truth part of my life,

even if it kills me, as = it surely will.

The good news is, = out of death comes = life.

 

Help Us!

The Fatherhood Foundation is a Harm Prevention = Charity.
Fatherlessness and inadequate fathering has been proven to be a source of harm. The Fatherhood Foundation helps children by promoting excellence  in fathering. Excellent fathers are in = word and deed: responsible, involved, protective, loving and committed = to the well-being of their children and their children's mother. =

 

If you would like to give financially to the = Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund and receive tax = deductibility:

 =

Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund =
(Name, = address and amount details must be emailed for a receipt for tax = deductibility)
Westpac Branch Wollongong
BSB: 032 695
A/C: 25-5558

 

Or mail cheque and address details to:
PO Box 440
WOLLONGONG  NSW  2520
AUSTRALIA

 

The Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund  is a = public fund listed on the Register of Harm Prevention Charities under Subdivision 30_EA of the Income Tax Assessment Act = 1997.

 

You have received the fathersonline.org newsletter because you have subscribed, or you have been = subscribed by a friend.  If you do not wish to receive future emails, please = click the UNSUBSCRIBE button below.

 

 

3D"Safe

This email = was sent to info@fathersonline.org, by info@fathersonline.org

Fatherhood Foundation | P.O. Box 542 | Unanderra | NSW | 2526 | = Australia

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