Received: from beru.its.uow.edu.au ([130.130.68.31]) by anubis.ad.uow.edu.au with Microsoft SMTPSVC(6.0.3790.3959); Sun, 3 Feb 2008 09:26:10 +1100 Received: from febris-nat.its.uow.edu.au ([130.130.68.210] helo=febris.its.uow.edu.au) by beru.its.uow.edu.au with esmtp (Exim 4.63) (envelope-from ) id 1JLQoL-0004cE-F7 for blane@uow.edu.au; Sun, 03 Feb 2008 09:26:09 +1100 Received: from c3.confirmedcc.com (c3.confirmedcc.com [64.95.77.164]) by febris.its.uow.edu.au (MOS 3.8.5-GA) with ESMTP id IAA51416; Sun, 3 Feb 2008 09:26:06 +1100 (EST) Received: from p1-ws008 (unknown [10.250.0.101]) by c3.confirmedcc.com (Postfix) with ESMTP id 8D85F98DB0 for ; Sat, 2 Feb 2008 22:26:04 +0000 (UTC) Message-ID: <1101958182262.1101938345415.1211.8.94172502@scheduler> Date: Sat, 2 Feb 2008 17:26:04 -0500 (EST) From: Fatherhood Foundation Reply-To: info@fathersonline.org To: blane@uow.edu.au Subject: Power through Presence Mime-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: multipart/alternative; boundary="----=_Part_9248551_57615525.1201991164513" X-Mailer: Roving Constant Contact 0 (http://www.constantcontact.com) List-Unsubscribe: http://visitor.constantcontact.com/d.jsp?p=un&v=001jm8CFGIzLJHYg-gJRLc-3d90mBLDU8ykoqH-8NmdB4I3h07-_APm5Q== X-Return-Path-Hint: ESC1101958182262_1101938345415_1211@in.confirmedcc.com X-Roving-ID: 1101938345415.1211 X-Lumos-SenderID: 1101938345415 X-Roving-CampaignId: 1101958182262 X-Roving-StreamId: 0 X-Junkmail-Status: score=10/49, host=febris.its.uow.edu.au X-Junkmail-SD-Raw: score=unknown, refid=str=0001.0A010208.47A4EE00.017E,ss=1,fgs=0, ip=64.95.77.164, so=2007-07-31 18:51:00, dmn=5.4.3/2008-02-01 Return-Path: ESC1101958182262_1101938345415_1211@in.confirmedcc.com X-OriginalArrivalTime: 02 Feb 2008 22:26:10.0160 (UTC) FILETIME=[9C731700:01C865EA] ------=_Part_9248551_57615525.1201991164513 Content-Type: text/plain; charset=iso-8859-1 Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 4 February 2008 Inspiring Fathers Encouraging Families Issue 285 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Power through Presence Why Children Need a Dad ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Dear Brian, Welcome to the Fatherhood Foundation new look newsletter and email information service for the Fathers and Families of Australia and the world. Be thankful for what we have especially our country and our family. Dads want to be home more: Check out this product Stay at Home Dad [http://rs6.net/tn.jsp?e=001EpVR4JAIqtfBT8r8NHfmiotWGUdvKhyThfXFz3luJKgmCBQRAmAUXM_egvNX5LkeRIjaCKbgHs6aob2s5eQ9DifXHxxkCZIIkd16_ItBmzOSeTOS_SMbY8APFwHOCE8BuqcuwyGcEf4=] In This Issue Frontline...The importance of Dads Grandfathers... A deep joy All You Need is Love..Marriage is not outdated Single Dads...In memory Special Feature...Children need a Dad Dad's Prayer..Teach me right & wrong ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Laughter A man owned a small farm in NSW. The Department of Industrial relations claimed he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to interview him. "I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them," demanded the agent. "Well," replied the farmer, "there's my farm hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $200 a week plus free room and board. The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $150 per week plus free room and board. Then there's the half-wit who works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night. He also sleeps with my wife occasionally." "That's the guy I want to talk to --- the half-wit," says the agent. "That would be me," replied the farmer. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Join our Mailing List! [http://visitor.constantcontact.com/email.jsp?m=1101938345415] ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Thought of the Week Every Dad is the family role model, whether he wants the job or not. Dennis Rainey ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Quick Links Fatherhood Foundation [http://rs6.net/tn.jsp?e=001EpVR4JAIqteE7CmyOt_o2m0AuD4jLXY9eSsCIdBJA1222HdAH-6h40UIuuBplF3b3y2puOdrtQPbBzQ_AI5MrISLG4GE1YwRCTf6cxwtgC_cG5Hzl_EfQw==] Dads in Distress The Fatherhood Project - Byron Bay [http://rs6.net/tn.jsp?e=001EpVR4JAIqteL1IvmHhATbxL88gjmLxJ__Tvqputr61X7R9d-vmzvEcJVMRU2TKNgKPzuGXnZEfUmFZGJG4oIURQjOfCSsRSmHa7j6WS-ElutzGCuw25nyv1uMqKQIu8SMIxa24ZrQ2g=] Fatherhood Institute - UK [http://rs6.net/tn.jsp?e=001EpVR4JAIqtcgbU400ljkR1e_uFEfI6uYe_7WJF9jjw_mYpnFr1NKzH9qN_z3DHDrsvxs1fGll2k24nElyC9-k90WBuRVRLlkBs2YfTXBSPE2ztZFQ_ChXmsdM43ZykWQ] Lone Fathers Association of Australia [http://rs6.net/tn.jsp?e=001EpVR4JAIqtcYPIJfe3UdzwyW0vapUcewALM52APBaGiDwBNZVVkzkISLzgOUun5XiheHsJMvth7iMXJUs5Z9Fz1Gk8gd3akHZ-uKCZybvpHJdJvRh8BQy1t2Aco5tG3E] CSA Adverts [http://rs6.net/tn.jsp?e=001EpVR4JAIqtd_2NJ-dSHAhHNPlXlptZ5utHoAocxpdhtrZfuKFC7j17YxK_R450V4xT0-PsKw-Wqs9PtOdN26jl_qJxUrYO2W6USysl-4MpX3OjghBS5oKQsezK4XQj_k5aQWvXfTHqV4q5gdU9BZWw==] ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Frontline Last week we published Alan Howe's article titled, ' [http://rs6.net/tn.jsp?e=001EpVR4JAIqteLk9cq55RNExkC8kiOuOL_Ls_xC19g6IDWOhuIgjNy-5cZSBD-MKMJEuH68B52R3f4ue-28jf4h0HbM80jzawJ_wvPFvkyx7xgKonn3oSNN_ZVF89woL3Gw27p9ADf38E63knTBfakxnNs0-07qP4Gvp5hR-9SL3JoDPZkP_-OJFnqSSjffWit]DADS - who needs them?' [http://rs6.net/tn.jsp?e=001EpVR4JAIqteLk9cq55RNExkC8kiOuOL_Ls_xC19g6IDWOhuIgjNy-5cZSBD-MKMJEuH68B52R3f4ue-28jf4h0HbM80jzawJ_wvPFvkyx7xgKonn3oSNN_ZVF89woL3Gw27p9ADf38E63knTBfakxnNs0-07qP4Gvp5hR-9SL3JoDPZkP_-OJFnqSSjffWit] in the Single Dad's section of our newsletter. Alan Howe postulates that men are by nature violent, quotes some questionable statistics, engages in some typical ideological man-hating, points out that some of our national icons have done well without a dad and concludes with the summary of his article - "No Man? No Problem? No argument from me." I know one young man who would strongly disagree with Alan Howe. His name is Brendan Hayward and his article, Power through Presence - Why Children Need a Dad, appears in our Special Feature this week. Brendan first approached me a year ago when he heard about our work in the Fatherhood Foundation. He told me that he grew up without a dad because his Dad died when he was two years of age. Brendan knows about the experience of living without a dad and has become an eloquent advocate for the need for a father and father figures in the life of a child. Brendan is not the only advocate for the importance of dads and positive male role models. Burt Prelutsky's article 'Mums make Lousy Dads' [http://rs6.net/tn.jsp?e=001EpVR4JAIqtcifqqFG1k4pF3T6OFqJWcIsfPOljYlbFvqRXhTw-SaH98gDJdg5kzH_EoqU7arqtNvD-0IK96uxCp76ogeBfPSJmwDWtnksTzxTVp6KIl2V_N2GJmz-MOTHPiqgQT0VK4=] is a good case in point. Prelutsky writes, It simply makes sense that a boy needs a man in his life to act as a role model, to show him not only how to curb his temper and to temper his testosterone, but also how to avoid being feminized into something resembling a well-dressed eunuch. The point I am looking to make I saw made perfectly in a segment of a TV magazine show some years ago. It seems that in Africa, on a game preserve, the rangers were discovering the mutilated carcasses of several rhinos. They couldn't determine who was responsible for the carnage, and they couldn't imagine a motive. After conducting an investigation, they found to their amazement that a band of teenage elephants were killing the rhinos for no other reason than that they felt like it. It was their version of drive-by shootings. Like our own urban gangs, the young rogues even had a leader. The rangers thought long and hard about the problem. The first thing they realized was that the teenagers were free to make up their own evil rules of behavior because, like the blood-thirsty kids in "Lord of the Flies," there were no adults in their world. All the bull elephants had been slaughtered by poachers for their ivory. Then, because they didn't have to answer to politicians or social workers, the rangers did two essential things. First, having determined he was incorrigible, they killed the leader of the pack. Next, they flew in several bull elephants. In no time at all, order was restored. The big guys let it be known that if there was any more rhino-stomping, there would be hell to pay. Their message was short and sweet - namely that elephants don't behave that way. The real casualty in our modern world is the reality of good and evil. Tammy Bruce documents this brilliantly in her New York Times bestseller, 'The Death of Right and Wrong'. Over the last thirty years much of the evil in the world has been lumped on the male of the species. As Bettina Arndt says, "No gender has a monopoly on vice." Research has shown that 80% of rapists and 85% of youths in prison come from fatherless homes. Violence only increases when we derogate fathers and promote fatherlessness. The safest place for any child to grow up is with its biological mother and father. Children need a mother and a father. Our society needs to discover the truth of right and wrong and the importance of responsible manhood. Maybe the elephants are trying to tell us something? Lovework Your children need you more than you can imagine. Become the dad your children need. Yes, it is a challenge, but without a challenge life can be boring and what's the point of living a boring life? Yours for accepting the challenge. Warwick Marsh PS. The new grandchildren are doing well. All are healthy. Thanks for all the kind greetings! __________________________________________________________ Warwick Marsh has been married to Alison for 32 years. He is the grandfather of two children and father of five children, four boys and one girl, ranging in age from 27 years to 14 years. Warwick is a musician, songwriter, producer and public speaker who likes to think he can still laugh at himself. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Grandfathers Being a grandfather brings a deep joy to the soul. Warwick Marsh ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ All You Need is Love NOT ALL OUR YOUTH FIND MARRIAGE OUTDATED By Marylee Shrider, Jan 4 2008 The Bakersfield Californian It's a large moment when a young man asks permission to marry your daughter, a moment you would gladly relive over and over. It's overwhelming even when expected, a custom that honors parents, family and marriage. It's a moment some in this post-marriage age might dismiss as a polite formality or outdated custom. In truth, it's a tradition of great significance, which my husband and I discovered recently when our daughter's boyfriend showed up at our door, engagement ring in hand. He was nervous, but resolute; we were charmed and deeply touched. Once he'd received our blessing, he then bowled us over by inviting us to be there when he popped the question. Wow. Old-fashioned it may be, but what an optimistic beginning. The institution of marriage has taken quite a beating in the last 30 years, a victim of high divorce rates, family fragmentation, feminism, cohabitation and the courts. Understandably jaded by the behavior of their elders and duped by a pop culture that values self above all else, many of our youth have bought into the myth that marriage simply doesn't matter. Grown-ups are buying the myth, too, with four out of 10 Americans saying marriage isn't necessary to prove love and commitment, according to a just-released poll by AOL Personals and Zogby International. Most of those surveyed said they believe marriage should last until "death do us part," but also said they would prefer to live together first before marriage, according to news stories on the poll. The thinking there, apparently, is to test the marital waters before diving in headfirst, to be certain the one you love is the one you'll love for life. The idea that a couple could determine that by way of a test run is one of our society's most persistent fictions despite studies that show shacking up is significantly less stable than tying the knot. America's shameful divorce rate is hardly news either -- the probability of a first marriage ending in separation or divorce within five years is 20 percent, according to the National Center for Health Statistics. But the probability of a premarital cohabitation breaking up within five years is much greater at 49 percent. After 10 years, that probability rises to 33 percent for a first marriage, compared with 62 percent for cohabitations, according to the report. So much for commitment. Look, nobody ever said marriage was easy, but every study out there shows men and women who get married and stay married tend to live longer, enjoy better health and are generally happier than people who are single or divorced. And children born into the protective environs of marriage enjoy similar physical and mental health benefits. There's no arguing that marriage, as an institution, is showing some wear. But those of us who have somehow managed to make it work are encouraged when our youth choose to keep time-honored traditions like asking permission to take a bride. So, when Travis David took a knee a week ago Friday and proposed to Katie Shrider in the company of a couple-dozen teary-eyed relatives and friends, he did so with the enthusiastic blessing of both her parents. (Katie said yes, by the way.) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Single Dads In Memory Of By Tony Miller www.dadsindistress.asn.au [http://rs6.net/tn.jsp?e=001EpVR4JAIqtehzaatJ5UIAm-11QXm2XncRX6I_uZC35gniz8WRRSemBfx5chUe2m6fHeSDcctF6P_QcTPw8JiXWxwS4-PEigUEXs3-JOTBTq2pRghLICtKiyeFgvQxOO9] Unfortunately just a few days before Christmas Day I received a call from one of our men that one of our own had committed suicide. His name was Erich, he was just 44 years of age. I posted the following message out to all our men on the team. With great sadness I inform you of the suicide of one of our own. Erich Schultz. Erich was a founding member of the Dads in Distress group in Newcastle. Erich's death brings home the reality of just how fragile the situation is in which we deal on a daily basis. You never know who the guy is sitting next to you in the meeting, you never know what he feels unless he shares it with you. Erich knew what it was all about. He had all our numbers, he chose a different path. Erich's last act was of kindness in helping to move a new dad in distress to a new address. He attended the Newcastle dids Christmas party a couple of nights before. He leaves behind 2 beautiful boys, family and a bunch of mates who loved him. Please keep him and his family in your thoughts and prayers. I attended Erich's funeral a few days ago. I hugged his mum, I wept with his family and I wept again with his mates who came together for a special dids meeting in Newcastle that evening. We normally have an empty chair at our meetings to remind us of those that didn't make it. On this occasion I made it Erich's chair and I placed it in the middle of the circle of around 30 blokes who attended. I told the gathering that there he is, sitting right there on that chair in front of them and asked everyone who felt they could, to share with Erich how they feel, tell him how you feel. As the rock was passed Erich's brother addressed him first then I. I gotta tell you Erich, I am pissed off with you. I mean I love you mate, but this is the most stupid thing you have done. What good has it done Erich? You left behind a loving family in grief, a bunch of mates and ,more importantly, 2 little boys who are now fatherless. I spoke some more to him in between tears and passed the rock to the guy next to me and so it went around the circle only stopping between each dids sharing of his grief to Erich. There we were, around 30 men, all in tears, all in grief, all at a loss to explain. As I told the men as the rock eventually came back to me, Erich was no hero, I am not about to martyr him, love him yes, miss him yes, but what he did was bloody stupid, now is the time as you get up to leave, just touch the chair and leave your grief there with Erich. It's over. Get rid of it, lest it eats you away like a cancer. So we did and we left it with Erich. Driving back to Coffs Harbour I had Erich join me in the passenger seat and I have to say I gave him a mouthful. I cried and I am sure he was crying with me. There were times when I had to pull over because I couldn't see with the bl**dy tears in my eyes. There were times when I doubted the value of the work we do at Dads in Distress. "Was it enough?" I thought. I asked Erich. All I could see was that unique smile of his and him shaking his head slowly. Why Erich? Why... There are no reasons, you can only imagine you think you know. Erich wasn't the first and no doubt won't be the last. You can blame yourself, a system, a series of events or a momentary loss of judgement. The reality is, the Male of the species worldwide needs some help, needs some support. Male suicide across the world is rampant. Help is out there for women and so there should be, but little or none is there for men. No, we have to be strong, we have to grin and bear it. Big boys don't cry. Well it's BS. We can spend millions of dollars focussing falsely on deficit advertising all men as perpetrators or abusers but bugger all on any positive research into why our male suicide rate is so high. Guess What? You are killing us! The answer is simple, Stop spending millions advertising us as all being perpetrators and abusers (domestic violence is non gender specific) and stop fencing bridges and start using the money for some real research into what's happening to our men! To Erich's Family I was honoured to meet you all, I share your grief, please be assured you will all be in our thoughts, hearts and prayers. Tony Miller Founder Dads in Distress ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Special feature Power through Presence Why Children Need a Dad by Brendan Hayward At the ripe old age of 22, I have a lot to say on the issue of fatherhood. No, I haven't been sowing my wild oats since I hit puberty(!), what I mean is, I have a lot to say from the perspective of a son. At the age of 6 my mother died of lung cancer, but her and my father had separated when I was 1 month old. I never met the man, he died about 2 years ago of liver failure - an alcoholic from before my birth. Since then, I lived with two families and then a group home, and was finally adopted at age 12 by the Bragg family in the Blue Mountains. Over this time I came under the responsibility and/or care of a number of men. These included, but were not limited to: school teachers, government youth workers, sisters' boyfriends and defactos (my sisters are twenty years older than me, we have different fathers), coaches, fathers and older brothers of friends, sometimes even friends. As a boy trying to become a man, I looked to all these guys with respect and a desire for a father. It even gets to the point where I tried looking to women for this, but that didn't exactly work too well. You know that feeling you get when a guy you look up to gives you a good rap? You can't describe it, but you know you want it and you definitely know when you get it. It's this unexplainable kind of strength that never leaves or diminishes no matter what life throws at you. A 'boy' (I don't just mean young males here), looks to a man he sees as a 'father' (not just the biological type) and craves recognition. Absolutely craves it. His 'father' might compliment him, telling him he is strong, or dangerous. He might ask his 'son' to do something important where everyone can see, a pat on the back, whatever. What his 'boy' actually receives is an invitation and commendation to pass through the gates of manhood. This is your power, through your presence. This invite only comes from those who are already inside the gates (that's where you fellas come into it), which is why women can't offer it. They can look after boys, yes. Raise men, no. Sometimes the ladies try to enter these gates, with unattractive results. So gentlemen, what this means for you, is far more powerful, and a lot easier than you think. Just hang out with them. Power through presence. Your 'children', biological or metaphorical, simply need you to be around. Children need a dad. The rest just happens automatically. You, nor they, will not even have to think about it. Just don't turn your children away or avoid them. I promise you guys if you get a hold of this, you will never spend a single day inside a retirement home! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ News & info OUCH!! * Primary school costs range from $5317-$12,551 a year * Secondary school costs range from $5618 and $21,112 a year Ten Tips to cut School Costs [http://rs6.net/tn.jsp?e=001EpVR4JAIqtdXhNgxY7HTnLPCwAei6bIE5dDRxcInQUrP9LwVnYtgqZc9VbaoMhCSKdKsGnaAdfh3CUFblHbHzb3OQjtZ719Ug_JFLpKjsLgMfxnsQROq_UBmYMhZEUHtcISVw7dbX3rLNiqIvvvxNuJurscpiJqQD79bz8JgRtzx_IH87rx0Z487f-QWmYGukc9u0Vemrao=] __________________________________________________________________________ PARENTS frantic to secure pre-school spots for their children for 2009 camped outside an inner west school. Read more: Bid Demand for Preschool [http://rs6.net/tn.jsp?e=001EpVR4JAIqtdCR1NyTPfvboOUrbbrAVI-ZUr7HwI2UUFzwSI068eSPCv8JFgqAKbP9HLACbwH3hWxc5idzXZECSwfI736neZH1Ra10dQCpNiOzNy_6GshRG1HzBLDUQaxqmWoNRlTwJRZz1nj8091fdoUUjZzS37nxng3E-oNuLfPDzbNM7w77EtHbW38e-XYazYj1SaTpHk=] __________________________________________________________________________ Busy Dad Still Finds Time for Kids Illawarra Mercury Thurs Jan 31, 2008 Read the article [http://rs6.net/tn.jsp?e=001EpVR4JAIqtdIuuaVjXHDtdvUjLmbhY1ZX0eKWpmPvTAeHRFiXROmPXkSAoIN8z4qZQGCKMcHGyw9L1ZzhfzqfZP3GN78yebyjWQtbRPsC9QMjdbun4DSpJp_z3D4oKo47fUd95JIheHZy6c8SyZha-Jy355fRteC6th7C_238WlzTEGQ7ZkPleAnHFneks1lrf74AKcgeM7CIpVNbmzwtYhGe_zgmF4N] _________________________________________________________________________ Men not needed for creating life!!! Read more about the mad scientists [http://rs6.net/tn.jsp?e=001EpVR4JAIqtcKuWbGPiPPsEjCggt2LHNg7ExoehbgncW_wCqKEfIu1JTdHyHUiHh5eo10LU7C2jm6WplRtTECspHQfhaHVj_Kn-02DEX47snLPjshoF_5g7xOCYKBU3PV_ekbZFiu5HnVI6sckNqYDmbbuHLStgE96V4RjtKCm7aeZLI0kJ5XqLIonZOF-Ymp] __________________________________________________________________________ Letters Dear Fatherhood Foundation, What's the deal with dads changing diapers? Twice in your recent issue, an issue was made about fathers and nappys - "no mean feat for any dad." There may be two or three things Mum can do that Dad can't (giving birth, breast-feeding), but changing a diaper is something anyone can do. Please respect the abilities of both parents. When we have confidence in ourselves, we can go on to greater things. Don Mathis Sherman, Texas, USA _______________________ Dear Fatherhood Foundation Thank you for your wonderful email newsletter - please continue sending them to me as I find my Men's Ministry here on the Sunshine Coast give me positive feedback for the content and messages. Warm regards John Pocklington ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Dad's Prayer Dear God Teach me the difference between right and wrong, so that I can teach my children - because my children will become what I am. When I do understand the difference, help me hold to the truth without fear or favour. Give me courage to live a life of love, to become the father my children need. Yes, it is a challenge, but life is boring without a challenge. Besides I think the elephants are trying to teach me something! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Help Us! The Fatherhood Foundation is a Harm Prevention Charity. Fatherlessness and inadequate fathering has been proven to be a source of harm. The Fatherhood Foundation helps children by promoting excellence in fathering. Excellent fathers are in word and deed: responsible, involved, protective, loving and committed to the well-being of their children and their children's mother. If you would like to give financially to the Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund and receive tax deductibility: Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund (Name, address and amount details must be emailed for a receipt for tax deductibility) Westpac Branch Wollongong BSB: 032 695 A/C: 25-5558 Or mail cheque and address details to: PO Box 440 WOLLONGONG NSW 2520 AUSTRALIA The Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund is a public fund listed on the Register of Harm Prevention Charities under Subdivision 30_EA of the Income Tax Assessment Act 1997. You have received the fathersonline.org newsletter because you have subscribed, or you have been subscribed by a friend. If you do not wish to receive future emails, please click the UNSUBSCRIBE button below. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Forward email http://ui.constantcontact.com/sa/fwtf.jsp?m=1101938345415&ea=blane@uow.edu.au&a=1101958182262 This email was sent to blane@uow.edu.au, by info@fathersonline.org Update Profile/Email Address http://visitor.constantcontact.com/d.jsp?v=001jm8CFGIzLJHYg-gJRLc-3d90mBLDU8ykoqH-8NmdB4LFRL712DzejleukVesLJE91uulIOHYdopJIfigtnz9wg%3D%3D&p=oo Instant removal with SafeUnsubscribe(TM) http://visitor.constantcontact.com/d.jsp?v=001jm8CFGIzLJHYg-gJRLc-3d90mBLDU8ykoqH-8NmdB4LFRL712DzejleukVesLJE91uulIOHYdopJIfigtnz9wg%3D%3D&p=un Privacy Policy: http://ui.constantcontact.com/roving/CCPrivacyPolicy.jsp Email Marketing by Constant Contact(R) www.constantcontact.com Fatherhood Foundation | P.O. Box 542 | Unanderra | NSW | 2526 | Australia ------=_Part_9248551_57615525.1201991164513 Content-Type: text/html; charset=iso-8859-1 Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable
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4  February 2008  = ;       Inspiring Fathers &nbs= p; Encouraging Families Issue 285
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  Power through Presence

Why Children Need a Dad
 
=09
=09=09
Dear Brian,
Welcome to the Fatherh= ood Foundation new look newsletter and email information service for the Fa= thers and Families of Australia and the world. Be thankful for what we have= especially our country and our family.=20
 
Dads want to be home more:
Check out this product
=09=09 =09=09 =09=09 =09=09=09 =09=09 =09=09 =09=09=09 =09=09 =09=09=09 =09=09 =09=09=09 =09=09 =09=09=09 =09=09 =09=09=09 =09=09 =09=09=09 =09=09 =09=09
In This Issue
Frontline...The importance of Dads
Grandfathers... A deep joy
All You Need is Love..Marriage is not outdated
Single Dads...In memory
Special Feature...Children need a Dad
Dad's Prayer..Teach me right & wrong
Laughter
 =20

3D"Farmer"A man owned a small farm in NSW. The Department of Industrial r= elations claimed he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an age= nt out to interview him. "I need a list of your employees and how much you = pay them," demanded the agent.

"Well," replied the farmer, "there's my= farm hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $200 a week plus free = room and board.

 

The cook has been here for 18 months, a= nd I pay her $150 per week plus free room and board.

Then there's the half-wit who works abo= ut 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He ma= kes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle= of bourbon every Saturday night. He also sleeps with my wife occasionally.= "

"That's the guy I want to talk to --- t= he half-wit," says the agent.

"That would be me," replied the farmer.=

=09=09=09=09 =09=09
Join our Mailing List!<= /td>
=09=09
Thought of the Week
=    =3D"Dad_Daughter

Every Dad is the family role model,

whether he wants the job or not.

 

Dennis Rainey

<= /div>
Quick Links
 
 
 
 
 
=09
=09=09
Frontline
  3D"Father_Son_Oc=
 
Last week we published A= lan Howe's article titled, 'DADS - who nee= ds them?' in the Single Dad's section of our newsletter. Alan Ho= we postulates that men are by nature violent, quotes some questionable stat= istics, engages in some typical ideological man-hating, points out that som= e of our national icons have done well without a dad and concludes with the= summary of his article - "No Man? No Problem? No argument from me."

 

I know one young man who would strong= ly disagree with Alan Howe. His name is Brendan Hayward and his article, Po= wer through Presence - Why Children Need a Dad, appears in our Special Feat= ure this week. Brendan first approached me a year ago when he heard about o= ur work in the Fatherhood Foundation. He told me that he grew up without a = dad because his Dad died when he was two years of age. Brendan knows about = the experience of living without a dad and has become an eloquent advocate = for the need for a father and father figures in the life of a child.=

 

Brendan is not the only advocate for = the importance of dads and positive male role models. Burt Prelutsky's arti= cle 'Mums make Lousy Da= ds' is a good case in point. Prelutsky writes,

 

It simply makes sense that a boy needs a man in his life to act= as a role model, to show him not only how to curb his temper and to temper= his testosterone, but also how to avoid being feminized into something res= embling a well-dressed eunuch.

 

The point I am looking to make I saw made perfectly in a segmen= t of a TV magazine show some years ago. It seems that in Africa, on a game = preserve, the rangers were discovering the mutilated carcasses of several r= hinos. They couldn't determine who was responsible for the carnage, and the= y couldn't imagine a motive.

 

After conducting an investigation, they found to their amazemen= t that a band of teenage elephants were killing the rhinos for no other rea= son than that they felt like it. It was their version of drive-by shootings= . Like our own urban gangs, the young rogues even had a leader.<= /p>

 

The rangers thought long and hard about the problem. The first = thing they realized was that the teenagers were free to make up their own e= vil rules of behavior because, like the blood-thirsty kids in "Lord of the = Flies," there were no adults in their world. All the bull elephants had bee= n slaughtered by poachers for their ivory.

 

Then, because they didn't have to answer to politicians or soci= al workers, the rangers did two essential things. First, having determined = he was incorrigible, they killed the leader of the pack. Next, they flew in= several bull elephants. In no time at all, order was restored. The big guy= s let it be known that if there was any more rhino-stomping, there would be= hell to pay. Their message was short and sweet - namely that elephants don= 't behave that way.

 

The real casualty in our modern world= is the reality of good and evil. Tammy Bruce documents this brilliantly in= her New York Times bestseller, 'The Death of Right and Wrong'. Over the la= st thirty years much of the evil in the world has been lumped on the male o= f the species. As Bettina Arndt says, "No gender has a monopoly on vice."  Research has shown that 80% o= f rapists and 85% of youths in prison come from fatherless homes. Violence = only increases when we derogate fathers and promote fatherlessness.<= /p>

 

The safest place for any child to gro= w up is with its biological mother and father. Children need a mother and a= father. Our society needs to discover the truth of right and wrong and the= importance of responsible manhood. Maybe the elephants are trying to tell = us something?

 

= Lovework

 

Your children need you more than you = can imagine. Become the dad your children need. Yes, it is a challenge, but= without a challenge life can be boring and what's the point of living a bo= ring life?

 

Yours for accepting the challenge.

Warwick Marsh

 

PS. The new grandchildren are doing w= ell. All are healthy. Thanks for all the kind greetings!

 =20
__________________________________________________________
 

Warwick Marsh  = ;has been married to Alison for 32 years. He is the grandfather o= f two children and father of five children, four boys and one girl, ranging= in age from 27 years to 14 years.  Warwick is a musician, songwr= iter, producer and public speaker who likes to think he can still laugh at = himself.

=09=09
Grandfathers

3D"Grandpa_Warwick"Being a grandfather brin= gs

a deep joy= to the soul.

 

Warwick Marsh

 
All You Need is Love
 

3D"ManNOT ALL OUR YOUTH FIND MARRIAGE OUTDATED<= /img>

By Marylee Shrider, Jan 4 2008 The Bakersfield California= n

 

It's a large moment when a young man asks permission to m= arry your daughter, a moment you would gladly relive over and over.<= /span>

 

It's overwhelming even when expected, a custom that honor= s parents, family and marriage.

 

It's a moment some in this post-marriage age might dismis= s as a polite formality or outdated custom. In truth, it's a tradition of g= reat significance, which my husband and I discovered recently when our daug= hter's boyfriend showed up at our door, engagement ring in hand.

 

He was nervous, but resolute; we were charmed and deeply = touched.

 

Once he'd received our blessing, he then bowled us over b= y inviting us to be there when he popped the question.

 

Wow. Old-fashioned it may be, but what an optimistic begi= nning.

 

The institution of marriage has taken quite a beating in = the last 30 years, a victim of high divorce rates, family fragmentation, fe= minism, cohabitation and the courts.

 

Understandably jaded by the behavior of their elders and = duped by a pop culture that values self above all else, many of our youth h= ave bought into the myth that marriage simply doesn't matter.=

 

Grown-ups are buying the myth, too, with four out of 10 A= mericans saying marriage isn't necessary to prove love and commitment, acco= rding to a just-released poll by AOL Personals and Zogby International.

 

Most of those surveyed said they believe marriage should = last until "death do us part," but also said they would prefer to live toge= ther first before marriage, according to news stories on the poll.

 

The thinking there, apparently, is to test the marital wa= ters before diving in headfirst, to be certain the one you love is the one = you'll love for life.

 

The idea that a couple could determine that by way of a t= est run is one of our society's most persistent fictions despite studies th= at show shacking up is significantly less stable than tying the knot. Ameri= ca's shameful divorce rate is hardly news either -- the probability of a fi= rst marriage ending in separation or divorce within five years is 20 percen= t, according to the National Center for Health Statistics.

 

But the probability of a premarital cohabitation breaking= up within five years is much greater at 49 percent. After 10 years, that p= robability rises to 33 percent for a first marriage, compared with 62 perce= nt for cohabitations, according to the report.

 

So much for commitment.

 

Look, nobody ever said marriage was easy, but every study= out there shows men and women who get married and stay married tend to liv= e longer, enjoy better health and are generally happier than people who are= single or divorced.

 

And children born into the protective environs of marriag= e enjoy similar physical and mental health benefits.

 

There's no arguing that marriage, as an institution, is s= howing some wear.

 

But those of us who have somehow managed to make it work = are encouraged when our youth choose to keep time-honored traditions like a= sking permission to take a bride.

 

So, when Travis David took a knee a week ago Friday and p= roposed to Katie Shrider in the company of a couple-dozen teary-eyed relati= ves and friends, he did so with the enthusiastic blessing of both her paren= ts.

 

(Katie said y= es, by the way.)

=09=09 =09=09
Single Dads

= In Memory Of

By Tony Mill= er

www.dadsindistress.asn.au 3D"Eric

 

Unfortunatel= y just a few days before Christmas Day I received a call from one of our me= n that one of our own had committed suicide. His name was Erich, he was jus= t 44 years of age. I posted the following message out to all our men on the= team.

With great sadness I i= nform you of the suicide of one of our own. Erich Schultz. Erich was a foun= ding member of the Dads in Distress group in Newcastle. Erich's death bring= s home the reality of just how fragile the situation is in which we deal on= a daily basis. You never know who the guy is sitting next to you in the me= eting, you never know what he feels unless he shares it with you. Erich kne= w what it was all about. He had all our numbers, he chose a different path.= Erich's last act was of kindness in helping to move a new dad in distress = to a new address. He attended the Newcastle dids Christmas party a couple o= f nights before.

He leaves behind 2 beautiful boys, family and = a bunch of mates who loved him. Please keep him and his family in your thou= ghts and prayers.

 

I attended E= rich's funeral a few days ago. I hugged his mum, I wept with his family and= I wept again with his mates who came together for a special dids meeting i= n Newcastle that evening. We normally have an empty chair at our meetings t= o remind us of those that didn't make it. On this occasion I made it Erich'= s chair and I placed it in the middle of the circle of around 30 blokes who= attended. I told the gathering that there he is, sitting right there on th= at chair in front of them and asked everyone who felt they could, to share = with Erich how they feel, tell him how you feel. As the rock was passed Eri= ch's brother addressed him first then I.

I gotta tell you Erich, I am pissed off with you. I mean= I love you mate, but this is the most stupid thing you have done. What goo= d has it done Erich? You left behind a loving family in grief, a bunch of m= ates and ,more importantly, 2 little boys who are now fatherless.

 

I spoke some= more to him in between tears and passed the rock to the guy next to me and= so it went around the circle only stopping between each dids sharing of hi= s grief to Erich.

There we were, around 30 men, all in tears, a= ll in grief, all at a loss to explain. As I told the men as the rock eventu= ally came back to me, Erich was no= hero, I am not about to martyr him, love him yes, miss him yes, but what h= e did was bloody stupid, now is the time as you get up to leave, just touch= the chair and leave your grief there with Erich. It's over. Get rid of it,= lest it eats you away like a cancer. So we did and we left it with Eri= ch.

Driving back to Coffs Harbour I had Erich join me in the pa= ssenger seat and I have to say I gave him a mouthful. I cried and I am sure= he was crying with me. There were times when I had to pull over because I = couldn't see with the bl**dy tears in my eyes. There were times when I doub= ted the value of the work we do at Dads in Distress. "Was it enough?" I tho= ught. I asked Erich. All I could see was that unique smile of his and him s= haking his head slowly. Why Erich? Why...

There are no reasons,= you can only imagine you think you know. Erich wasn't the first and no dou= bt won't be the last. You can blame yourself, a system, a series of events = or a momentary loss of judgement. The reality is, the Male of the species w= orldwide needs some help, needs some support. Male suicide across the world= is rampant. Help is out there for women and so there should be, but little= or none is there for men. No, we have to be strong, we have to grin and be= ar it. Big boys don't cry. Well it's BS. We can spend millions of dollars f= ocussing falsely on deficit advertising all men as perpetrators or abusers = but bugger all on any positive research into why our male suicide rate is s= o high. Guess What? You are killing us!

The answer is simple, S= top spending millions advertising us as all being perpetrators and abusers = (domestic violence is non gender specific) and stop fencing bridges and sta= rt using the money for some real research into what's happening to our men!=

To Erich's Family I was honoured to meet you all, I share your= grief, please be assured you will all be in our thoughts, hearts and praye= rs.

Tony Miller

Founder Dads= in Distress

 

<= a name=3D"LETTER.BLOCK14" />
Special feature
 

= 3D"ThreePower through Presence

= Why Children Need a Dad

by Brendan H= ayward

 

At the ripe = old age of 22, I have a lot to say on the issue of fatherhood. No, I haven'= t been sowing my wild oats since I hit puberty(!), what I mean is, I have a= lot to say from the perspective of a son. 

 

At the age of 6 my mother died of lung cancer, but her and my father = had separated when I was 1 month old. I never met the man, he died about 2 = years ago of liver failure - an alcoholic from before my birth.

 

Since then, I lived with two families and then a group home, and was = finally adopted at age 12 by the Bragg family in the Blue Mountains. Over t= his time I came under the responsibility and/or care of a number of men. Th= ese included, but were not limited to: school teachers, government youth wo= rkers, sisters' boyfriends and defactos (my sisters are twenty years older = than me, we have different fathers), coaches, fathers and older brothers of= friends, sometimes even friends.

 

As a boy try= ing to become a man, I looked to all these guys with respect and a desire f= or a father. It even gets to the point where I tried looking to women for t= his, but that didn't exactly work too well.

 

You know tha= t feeling you get when a guy you look up to gives you a good rap? You can't= describe it, but you know you want it and you definitely know when you get= it. It's this unexplainable kind of strength that never leaves or diminish= es no matter what life throws at you.

 

A 'boy' (I d= on't just mean young males here), looks to a man he sees as a 'father' (not= just the biological type) and craves recognition. Absolutely craves it. Hi= s 'father' might compliment him, telling him he is strong, or dangerous. He= might ask his 'son' to do something important where everyone can see, a pa= t on the back, whatever.

 

What his 'bo= y' actually receives is an invitation and commendation to pass through the = gates of manhood. This is your power, through your presence.<= /p>

 

This invite = only comes from those who are already inside the gates (that's where you fe= llas come into it), which is why women can't offer it. They can look after = boys, yes. Raise men, no. Sometimes the ladies try to enter these gates, wi= th unattractive results.

 

So gentlemen= , what this means for you, is far more powerful, and a lot easier than you = think.

 

Just hang ou= t with them. Power through presence. Your=   'children', biological or metaphorical, simply need you to be= around. Children need a dad. The rest just happens automatically. You, nor= they, will not even have to think about it. Just don't turn your children = away or avoid them.

 

I promise yo= u guys if you get a hold of this, you will never spend a single day inside = a retirement home!

 

<= u>
News & info

 

 

OUCH!! 3D"School
 
  • Primary school= costs range from $5317-$12,551 a year
  • Secondary scho= ol costs range from $5618 and $21,112 a year
    •  
    _______________________________________________________= ___________________
     
    PARENTS frantic to sec= ure pre-school spots for their children for 2009 camped outside an inner we= st school.=20
     
    ______________________________________________________________________= ____
     

    Busy Dad Still Finds Time for Kids

    Illawarra Mercu= ry Thurs Jan 31, 2008
     
    ______________________________________________________________________= ___
     
    Men not needed for creating life!!!=
     
    ______________________________________________________________________= ____
     
    Letters
     &= nbsp;   

    Dear Fa= therhood Foundation,

     

    What's the deal with dads changing d= iapers? Twice in your recent issue, an issue was made about fathers and nap= pys - "no mean feat for any dad." 

     

    There may be two or three things Mum= can do that Dad can't (giving birth, breast-feeding), but changing a diape= r is something anyone can do.

     

    Please respect the abilities of both= parents. When we have confidence in ourselves, we can go on to greater thi= ngs.

     

    Don Mathis

    Sherman, Texas, USA

     

    _______________________

     

    Dear Fatherhood Foundation

     

    Thank you for your wonderful email ne= wsletter - please continue sending them to me as I find my Men's Ministry h= ere on the Sunshine Coast give me positive feedback for the content and mes= sages.

     

    Warm regards

    John Pocklington

     
     

     

    Dad's= Prayer
      &= nbsp;          3D"Faher_son

    Dear God

     

    Teach me the difference between <= /p>

    right and wrong,

    so that I can teach my children -=

    because my children will become what I am.

    When I do understand the difference,

    help me hold to the truth without fear or favou= r.

    Give me courage to live a life of love,<= /span>

    to become the father my children need.

    Yes, it is a challenge,

    but life is boring without a challenge.<= /span>

    Besides I think the elephants are trying to tea= ch me something!

     
     
     

     
    =09 =09
    =09=09 =09=09
    Help Us!

    The Fatherhood Foundation is a Harm Prevention Charity.
    Fatherless= ness and inadequate fathering has been proven to be a source of harm. =

    The Fatherhood Foundation helps children by promot= ing excellence  in fathering. Excellent fathers are in word and deed: = responsible, involved, protective, loving and committed to the well-being o= f their children and their children's mother.

    If you would like to give financially to the Fatherhood Found= ation Public Fund and receive tax deductibility:

    Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund
    (Name, address and amount details must be emailed for a receipt for= tax deductibility)
    Westpac Branch Wollongong
    BSB: 032 695
    A= /C: 25-5558

    Or mail cheque and address details to:
    PO Box 440
    W= OLLONGONG  NSW  2520
    AUSTRALIA

    The Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund  is a public fund = listed on the Register of Harm Prevention Charities under Subdivision 30_EA= of the Income Tax Assessment Act 1997.

    You have received the fathersonline.org news= letter because you have subscribed, or you have been subscribed by a friend= .  If you do not wish to receive future emails, please click the UNSUB= SCRIBE button below.

    =09=09 =09=09
    =09 =09
    =09 =09
    This email was sent to blane@uow.edu.au, by i= nfo@fathersonline.org
    Fatherhood Foundati= on | P.O. Box 542 | Unanderra | NSW | 2526 | Australia
    ------=_Part_9248551_57615525.1201991164513--