Received: from evaki.its.uow.edu.au ([130.130.68.32]) by anubis.ad.uow.edu.au with Microsoft SMTPSVC(6.0.3790.3959); Mon, 17 Dec 2007 10:10:47 +1100 Received: from febris-nat.its.uow.edu.au ([130.130.68.210] helo=febris.its.uow.edu.au) by evaki.its.uow.edu.au with esmtp (Exim 4.63) (envelope-from ) id 1J42dD-0005WK-Hd for blane@uow.edu.au; Mon, 17 Dec 2007 10:10:47 +1100 Received: from vmail1.webshield.net.au (vmail1.webshield.net.au [202.78.46.227]) by febris.its.uow.edu.au (MOS 3.8.5-GA) with ESMTP id HAU92065; Mon, 17 Dec 2007 10:10:46 +1100 (EST) Received: (qmail 29889 invoked from network); 16 Dec 2007 23:10:22 -0000 Received: from vmail1.webshield.net.au (HELO COMP1) (202.78.46.227) by vmail1.webshield.net.au with SMTP; 16 Dec 2007 23:10:22 -0000 Received: from COMP1 ([118.67.221.168] helo=COMP1) by ASSP-nospam; 17 Dec 2007 09:40:21 +1030 From: "Fatherhood Foundation" To: "Lane, Brian" Subject: 17/12/2007 Wild at Heart Boot Camp Date: Mon, 17 Dec 2007 10:10:13 +1100 Message-ID: <06f101c84038$d082d300$6401a8c0@COMP1> MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: multipart/alternative; boundary="----=_NextPart_000_06F2_01C84095.03F34B00" X-Mailer: Microsoft Office Outlook 11 X-MimeOLE: Produced By Microsoft MimeOLE V6.00.2900.3198 Thread-Index: Acg/bn1JPGqu63InTDWRzAZFppKKpAAyfbXg X-Junkmail-Status: score=10/49, host=febris.its.uow.edu.au X-Junkmail-SD-Raw: score=unknown, refid=str=0001.0A090208.4765AF44.002C,ss=1,fgs=0, ip=202.78.46.227, so=2007-07-31 18:51:00, dmn=5.4.3/2007-11-16 Return-Path: info@fathersonline.org X-OriginalArrivalTime: 16 Dec 2007 23:10:47.0966 (UTC) FILETIME=[E4B7DBE0:01C84038] This is a multi-part message in MIME format. ------=_NextPart_000_06F2_01C84095.03F34B00 Content-Type: text/plain; charset="US-ASCII" Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit Unable to read this email? Please click here Issue 278 - 17th December, 2007 Go to our website Here * Hello <> & Welcome Friend * Grandads <> * Laughter <> * Single Dads <> * Special Feature <> * Thought of the Week <> * All You Need is Love <> * News <> & Info * Dad's Prayer <> * Help Us <> Hello & Welcome Friend Last weekend I attended a four day 'Wild at Heart' Bootcamp with John Eldridge at Stanwell Tops, NSW. I was joined by 500 other men from all over Australia and all over the world. Men came from USA, England, Canada, Europe, New Zealand and even China. In the USA one can only get into a Wild at Heart Bootcamp by random ballot, such is the demand. There was a waiting list for this Aus tralia's bootcamp of over 150 men, who wanted to attend but could not get in. I have been working in the men's movement in Australia since 1981 but have never been in a gathering of 500 men for four days in my whole life. How therapeutic it was, and history in the making, in more ways than one. What drew 500 men, some from countries on the other side of the globe to the Wild at Heart Bootcamp in Australia? More importantly perhaps, what drew me? John Eldridge's book, 'Wild at Heart', www.ransomedheart.com has sold several million copies worldwide, since its release in 2001. One could argue that John Eldridge's best selling book is all about the journey to discover the secret of a man's soul. John's basic premise is that every man has: 1) To discover his heart. 2) A wound to heal. 3) A battle to fight. 4) A beauty to rescue. 5) An adventure to live 6) A spiritual journey to embark on. Perhaps it would be best to let John Eldridge tell it in his own words. The way a man's life unfolds nowadays tends to drive his heart into remote regions of the soul. Endless hours at a computer screen; selling shoes at the mall; meetings, memos, phone calls. The business world - where the majority of American and Australian men live and die - requires a man to be efficient and punctual. Corporate policies and procedures are designed with one aim: to harness a man to the plough and make him produce. But the soul refuses to be harnessed; it knows nothing of Day Timers and deadlines and P&L statements. The soul longs for passion, for freedom, for life. As DH Lawrence said, "I am not a mechanism." A man needs to feel the rhythms of the earth; he needs to have in hand something real - the tiller of a boat, a set of reins, the roughness of rope, or simply a shovel. Can a man live all his days to keep his fingernails clean and trim? Is that what a boy dreams of? Society at large can't make up its mind about men. Having spent the last thirty years redefining masculinity into something more sensitive, safe, manageable and, well, feminine, it now berates men for not being men. Boys will be boys, they sigh. As though if a man were to truly grow up he would forsake wilderness and wanderlust and settle down, be at home forever in Aunt Polly's parlour. "Where are all the real men?" is regular fare for talk shows and new books. You asked them to be women, I want to say. The result is a gender confusion never experienced at such a wide level in the history of the world. How can a man know he is one when his highest aim is minding his manners? . . . As Robert Bly laments in Iron John, "Some women want a passive man if they want a man at all; the church wants a tamed man - they are called priests,; the university wants a domesticated man - they are called tenure-track people; the corporation wants a . . . sanitised, hairless, shallow man." It all comes together as a sort of westward expansion against the masculine soul. And thus the heart of a man is driven into the high country, into remote places, like a wounded animal looking for cover. Women know this, and lament that they have no access to their man's heart. Men know it too, but are often unable to explain why their heart is missing. They know their heart is on the run, but they often do not know where to pick up the trail. The church wags its head and wonders why it can't get more men to sign up for its programs. The answer i s simply this: We have not invited a man to know and live from his deep heart. Lovework Go on a journey to find your heart. Spend some time alone. The bush is always good. The wilder the better. The sea can also be wild. Sit still for a while and ask the question, "What makes my heart sing?" Write down the answers and your prayers in a book and let it be a record of your journey. The more you can live life, out of your heart, the happier you will be. As Sting sings, "We are spirits in a material world." Yours for being spiritually alive Warwick Marsh PS. This week we are beginning to advertise a new position at the Fatherhood Foundation for a development manager. Full details are available in News & Info and at our website: http://www.fatherhood.org.au/employment.html We would greatly appreciate if you could pass this information on to anyone you know who is passionate for this cause and has the necessary qualifications for the job. ___________________________________________________________ Warwick Marsh has been married to Alison for 32 years. He is the father of five children, four boys and one girl, ranging in age from 26 years to 14 years. Warwick is a musician, songwriter, producer and public speaker who likes to think he can still laugh at himself. back to top <> Grandads To do for yourself the best that you have it in you to do - to grit your teeth and clench your fists in order to survive the world at its harshest and worst - is, by that very act, to be unable to let something be done for you and in you that is more wonderful still. The trouble with steeling yourself against the harshness of reality is that the same steel that secures your life against being destroyed secures your life also against being opened up and transformed. (The Sacred Journey by Frederick Buechner) back to top <> Laughter Murphy applied for an engineering position at an Irish firm based in Dublin. An American applied for the same job, and both applicants, having the same qualifications, were asked to take a test by the department manager. Upon completion of the test, both men had only missed one of the questions on the test. All the other questions were answered correctly. The manager went to Murphy and said, "Thanks to both of you for your interest, but we've decided to give the American the job." Murphy said, "And why would you be doing that? We both got 9 questions correct. This being Ireland and me being Irish, I should get the job!" The manager replied, "We have made our decision not on the correct answers, but on the question you missed." "And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the other?" asked Murphy. The manager replied, "Simple. The American put down for question five, 'I don't know.' You put down, 'Neither do I.' back to top <> Single Dads A Question of Motivation By Chris There's no doubt that living through a marriage break up, especially one that was not your decision, can be extremely difficult. In fact there may be times when you wonder whether it is worth living at all: It always is, don't give in - these feelings will pass. Before we get into what motivates, let's consider what it is that can de-motivate you to the level where life itself is under question; some of the words below are based on my experiences and some on those of others. Firstly here is a tremendous sense of loss and failure. Everything you had been working for has suddenly been taken away from you. Your home and physical assets soon pale into insignificance when it dawns on you that your child or children will now no longer be the same part of your life. It's as if the life that you knew was within a picture frame and your partner, your children, your extended family and friends were set in relief within that frame. When separation comes, all of those wonderful and precious parts of your life turn to dust. Suddenly you become disoriented; the 'frame' of reference for your life has disappeared. But don't give in, it will pass. It is at this time that you need to be talking to your pastor and counselors; they will help you find your way and put things back into perspective. A good friend, Max, put it this way 'All of the precious moments that you had with them (your children) will come flooding back and you will find grief and it will hurt badly; there will be other moments, they may never be the same because they will not be within the context of a real family, but you will share more moments and they will be beautiful and in some ways even more precious'. Max is right; now you need to concentrate on the present moments and not those that have past, there is no future in them. Next you may find that some of those who you once regarded as friends and even family will not be so readily available to you, very probably some will have taken sides and others will simply not know how to deal with the situation; you need to face up to the fact that you may lose contact with them. Now is the time that you must talk with your steadfast and true relatives and friends. They will listen and be a real rock for you. You may find that this 'alienation and isolation' process has reached into your child's school or Day Care and what was one a decent and pleasant relationship suddenly becomes strained. In one case a parent requested access to their child's records to have the request refused; unjustly in this case but should there be a Domestic Violence Order in place then those records could be refused to you. Worth checking out as you may need those records in any custody issues that may transpire, read the next paragraph for more information on this. Don't feel intimated if this happens to you, these people will have a very one sided view of the reality of the situation and will give way in the face of your persistence. If you simply don't have the energy to deal with this at the time, leave it until you do. But make sure that you address it at some time; it's these sorts of issues that can be very damagi ng to you and yours. Talk with the people concerned and if you don't get a satisfactory response then talk to the Government Department responsible. Simultaneously there may be Domestic Violence Applications made against you, allegations of stalking, breaking into homes, causing financial distress, physical abuse and worse may be laid at your door. Given that the allegations made are without foundation then you may be able to respond with a counter Domestic Violence Application; your application could be based on 'Intimidation'. Seek professional legal advice; you may be eligible for Legal Aid. Most lawyers will give you up to 1 hour free consultation and then if they think you are eligible, they will assist you with your Legal Aid application. Little wonder then that many become depressed and contemplate all of the options, little wonder then that Pastor Tim's words from last weeks article ring true. 'Divorce and anything that contributes to it is not the work of God'. Keep your faith in God and pray for His direction and guidance through all of these troubled and distressing times. He does listen; He will answer, be patient and have faith. As you have read between the lines the great news is that you can lift yourself from this and find a new and inspiring future for you and your children and a path towards improved communications for you and your ex partner. There is always hope if you allow it to enter your life and pray constantly for it. So, where and how to find motivation? Firstly and as pointed out above; take action. Not just any action but careful, well thought out and considered action including the most powerful action of all, getting down on your knees and praying. You will be amazed at the results you will get. Secondly, if you are looking to achieve a shared care agreement then you must spend time and prayer in examining your motives. - Do you really want a shared care agreement or do you want to simply win some points? - Is it really your children that matter most or is it an ego issue? - Have you really thought about just what is best for your children? - Will you be able to honestly maintain a shared care arrangement? - Have you researched to find out exactly what a shared care arrangement is? - Have you spoken with any organisations that may offer help by way of joint counseling for you and your ex partner? (Lifeline for example). - Have you seen and reviewed an example of a 'Parenting Agreement'? Thirdly, now that you have assessed and addressed the real issues you are now in a position to make some firm plans, to put a strategy in place for change that is just, fair and compassionate. To summarise: - Be persistent and consistent in your thoughts and prayers - Take well thought out and considered actions - Seek professional legal advice - Search deeply and examine your motives - With the help of your advisors, develop your strategy based on just, fair and compassionate outcomes Next week we will look at how my strategy went together, as well as some of the hurdles encountered on the way. back to top <> Special Feature Entering the Wound to Heal the Wound By John Eldridge Frederick Buechner's father committed suicide when he was ten. He left a note, to his mother: "I adore and love you, and am no good . . . Give Freddie my watch. Give Jaime my pearl pin. I give you all my love," and then he sat in the garage while the running car filled it with carbon monoxide. It happened on a Saturday morning in the fall. He was to have take Frederick and his brother to a football game that day. Instead, he took himself forever from their lives. What is a ten-year-old boy to do with such an event? A child takes life as it comes because he has no other way of taking it. The world had come to an end that Saturday morning, but each time we had moved to another place, I had seen a world come to an end, and there had always been another world to replace it. When somebody you love dies, Mark Twain said, it is like when your house burns down, it isn't for years that you realize the full extent of your loss. For me it was longer than for most, if indeed I have realized it fully even yet, and in the meantime the loss came to get buried so deep in me that after a time I scarcely ever took it out to look at it at all, let alone speak of it. (The Sacred Journey) That is the way we are with our wound, especially men. We bury it deep and never take it out again. But take it out we must, or better, enter into it. I entered my wound through the surprising door of my anger. After we moved to Colorado, about eleven years ago, I found myself snapping at my boys for silly things. A spilled glass of milk would elicit a burst of rage. Whoa John, I thought, there are things going on inside, you'd better have a look under the hood. As I explored my anger with the help of my dear friend Brent, I realized I was so furious about feeling all alone in a world that constantly demanded more of me than I felt able to give. Something in me felt young - like a ten-year-old boy in a man's world but without a man's ability to come through. There was much fear beneath the surface; fear that I was ultimately on my own. Where did all this fear come from? I wondered. Why do I feel so alone in the world . . . and so young inside? Why does something in my heart feel orphaned? My answer came through several movies. As I've written about in other places, I was blindsided by 'A River Runs Through It' because through its beautiful retelling of boys who never really had their father except during their fishing trips, and how in the end they lost even that. I realized I had lost my father, and like Buechner the loss got buried so deep in me that after a time I scarcely ever took it out. I was pierced by 'A Perfect World' because I saw there just how much a boy's father means to him and how I longed for that intimacy with a source of strength who loved me and could tell me my name. I so identified with Will Hunting because I, too, was a fighter who saw myself as up against the rest of the world and I had also accepted my wound and never grieved it. I thought it was my fault. In some ways God had to sneak up on me through those stories because I wasn't willing to just skip happily down the path to my heart's deepest pain. We fight this part of the journey. The whole false self, our 'lifestyle,' is an elaborate defense against entering our wounded heart. It is a chosen blindness. "Our false self stubbornly blinds each of us to the light and the truth of our own emptiness and hollowness," says Manning. There are readers who even now have no idea what their wound is, or even what false self arose from it. Ah, how convenient that blindness is. Blissful ignorance. But a wound unfelt is a wound unhealed. We must go in. The door may be your anger; it may be rejection that you've experienced, perhaps from a girl; it may be failure, or the loss of the golden bat and the way God is thwarting your false self. It may be a simple prayer: Jesus, take me into my wound. "Behold," he says, "I stand at the door and knock." back to top <> Thought of the Week Guard your hear t with all diligence for out of your heart flow the wellsprings of life. Proverbs back to top <> All You Need is Love Tips for a successful marriage Dr John Gottman, psychologist, relationship expert and co-author of The New York Times bestseller, The Seven Principles For Making Marriage Work (Crown) offers these tips for achieving a happy union: * Focus on the bright side - In a happy marriage couples make at least five times as many positive statements to and about each other and their relationship as negative ones. A good marriage must have a climate of positivity. * Edit yourself - Couples who avoid saying every critical thought when discussing touchy topics are consistently the happiest. * Have high standards - Happy couples have high standards for each other even as newlyweds. The most successful couples are those who refuse to accept hurtful behaviour from another. The lower the tolerance for bad behaviour in the beginning of a relationship, the happier the couple is down the road. * Seek help early - The average couple waits six years before seeking help for marital problems, meaning that the average couple lives with unhappiness for far too long. * Learn to repair and exit the argument - Successful couples know how to exit an argument and repair the situation before it gets out of hand. Successful repair attempts include: changing the topic to something completely unrelated; using humour; making it clear you are on common ground; backing down (in marriage, as in martial arts, you have to yield to win); and, in general, offering signs of appreciation for your partner and his or her feelings along the way. If an argument gets too heated, take a 20-minute break, and agree to approach the topic again when you are both calm. back to top <> News & Info Development Manager - Fatherhood Foundation The Fatherhood Foundation is a tax deductible faith-based charity with the goal of inspiring fathers and renewing families. Our aim is to prevent the harm caused by fatherlessness to the children of Australia. We are looking for an energetic and enthusiastic man who is committed to the cause found in the words of Malachi 'to turn the hearts of the fathers to the children and the hearts of the children to their fathers'. The role of the Development Manager is to obtain funding and support to enable the cause of the Fatherhood Foundation to be fulfilled. The applicant would need to be highly disciplined, exhibit great management skills and posses s excellent communication abilities with an entrepreneurial attitude. An attractive salary package will be provided for the successful applicant. For more information visit www.fatherhood.org.au/beinvolved _______________________ Men4Life Information night 29 Jan 2008 New Venue:1A Stuart Street, East Nowra Time: 7pm Joanna Gash ,Member for Gilmore, will officially open the group. We hope you can all attend so you can hear what our goals and objectives are. Light refreshments will be available. Please send me an email or give me a call if you have any questions Please RSVP for catering. Men4Life Founder/coordinator - David Simister Phone:0431 549 593 www.men4life.net __________________ Men's Shed initiative From the desk of Alan Barron Convenor, The Memucan Institute. www.memucan.net A new phenomenon is afoot! The Men's Shed movement has arrived and it's thriving! There's nothing new about men gathering together in their own space to talk, share skills, swap ideas, solve problems or just discuss life in general - it's been happening since the beginning of time. There's nothing new either about men spending time in their backyard shed - an acknowledged Aussie pastime. What is new is that men, particularly retired men, are combining these two activities in a communal space simply called a Men's Shed. Activities within Sheds are many and various: woodwork, metal work, restoration of old cars, building pre-fab houses for war-torn countries, 'portable' Sheds taken to Alzheimer facilities or mobile Sheds for remote country areas. Men's Shed membership is open to all. Men from all backgrounds, ethnic and social mixes can join and enjoy bringing their unique cultural characteristics to enliven the activities. The common theme in all Sheds is about men feeling useful and contributing again to their communities, learning or sharing their skills, making friends, networking and availing themselves of health information programmes and opportunities. Men's Sheds are under the auspices of a variety of organisations whose ethos they tend to exemplify. Communities are keen to provide activity, identity and meaning for vast numbers of older, unemployed, job-redundant, isolated, depressed and happily retired, active, creating enthusiastic men. Men?s Sheds are fast being recognised as vital, viable places to fulfil these needs and provide relaxed, happy creative spaces for men to enjoy! Membership is free and open to men of all ages, but is primarily targeted at men over 55 years of age. The Sheds are alcohol drug and smoke free workplace and is compliant with occupational health and safety standards to minimise risk of injury to participants. There are very few rules, and the only obligation is for the blokes to enjoy their time at the shed and to contribute to the enjoyment of others. For a full list of Men's Sheds across Australia, visit: www.mensheds.com.au ______________________________ Institute of Family Practice Courses & Workshops available for 2008 http://www.burnside.org.au/organisation/page.cfm?id=35 back to top <> Dad's Prayer Dear God If only I could see you now I would see as I am seen. If only I could know you now I would know you as I am known. In seeing you I would know all things. In knowing all things I would understand my place in the story, and my part in the exquisite mystery of life. Then I would exclaim 'Heal me that I might be healed'. Heal me that I might become a source of healing for those who need a friend on the journey. back to top <> Help Us Click here for more information about us Help Us! The Fatherhood Foundation is a Harm Prevention Charity. Fatherlessness and inadequate fathering has been proven to be a source of harm. The Fatherhood Foundation helps children by promoting excellence in fathering. Excellent fathers are in word and deed: responsible, involved, protective, loving and committed to the well-being of their children and their children's mother. If you would like to give financially to the Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund and receive tax deductibility: Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund (Name, address and amount details must be emailed for a receipt for tax deductibility) Westpac Branch Wollongong BSB: 032 695 A/C: 25-5558 Or mail cheque and address details to: PO Box 440 WOLLONGONG NSW 2520 AUSTRALIA The Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund is a public fund listed on the Register of Harm Prevention Charities under Subdivision 30_EA of the Income Tax Assessment Act 1997. You have received the fathersonline.org newsletter because you have subscribed, or you have been subscribed by a friend. If you do not wish to receive future emails, please click the UNSUBSCRIBE button below or send an email to info@fathersonline.org with the word UNSUBSCRIBE in the subject heading. back to top <> Click Here to Unsubscribe ------=_NextPart_000_06F2_01C84095.03F34B00 Content-Type: text/html; charset="US-ASCII" Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable Fatherhood Foundation

 

 

Issue = 278 - 17th December, 2007

Go to our website Here<= /p>

 

 

 

 

Hello & Welcome = Friend

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Last weekend I attended a four day 'Wild at Heart' Bootcamp with John Eldridge at Stanwell Tops, NSW. I was joined by 500 other men from all over = Australia and all over the world. Men came from USA, England, = Canada, Europe, New = Zealand and even China. In the USA one can only get into a Wild at Heart Bootcamp by random ballot, = such is the demand. There was a waiting list for this Aus tralia's bootcamp of over 150 men, = who wanted to attend but could not get in.

 

I have been working in the men's movement in Australia since 1981 but have never been in a gathering of 500 men for four = days in my whole life. How therapeutic it was, and history in the making, in = more ways than one.

 

What drew 500 men, some from countries on the other side of the globe to the = Wild at Heart Bootcamp in Australia? More importantly perhaps, what drew me?

 

John Eldridge's book, 'Wild at Heart', www.ransomedheart.com   has sold several million = copies worldwide, since its release in 2001. One could argue that John Eldridge's best selling book is all about the journey to discover the secret of a = man's soul. John's basic premise is that every man = has:

 

1) To discover his heart.

2) A wound to heal.

3) A battle to fight.

4) A beauty to rescue.

5) An adventure to live

6) A spiritual journey to embark on.

 

Perhaps it would be best to let John Eldridge tell it in his own words. =

 

The way a man's life unfolds nowadays tends to drive his heart into remote = regions of the soul. Endless hours at a computer screen; selling shoes at the = mall; meetings, memos, phone calls. The business world - where the = majority of American and = Australian men live and die - requires a man to be efficient and punctual. = Corporate policies and procedures are designed with one aim: to harness a man = to the plough and make him produce. But the soul refuses to be harnessed; = it knows nothing of Day Timers and deadlines and P&L statements. The soul = longs for passion, for freedom, for life. As DH Lawrence said, "I am = not a mechanism." A man needs to feel the rhythms of the earth; he = needs to have in hand something real - the tiller of a boat,  a set of = reins, the roughness of rope, or simply a shovel. Can a man live all his days = to keep his fingernails clean and trim? Is that what a boy dreams = of?

 

Society at large can't make up its mind about men. Having spent the last thirty = years redefining masculinity into something more sensitive, safe, = manageable and, well, feminine, it now berates men for not being men. Boys will be = boys, they sigh. As though if a man were to truly grow up he would forsake wilderness and wanderlust and settle down, be at home forever in = Aunt Polly's parlour. "Where are all the real men?" is regular = fare for talk shows and new books. You asked them to be women, I want to = say. The result is a gender confusion never experienced at such a wide = level in the history of the world. How can a man know he is one when his = highest aim is minding his manners? . . .

 

As Robert Bly laments in Iron John, "Some women want a passive man if = they want a man at all; the church wants a tamed man - they are called = priests,; the university wants a domesticated man - they are called tenure-track = people; the corporation wants a  . . . sanitised, hairless, shallow = man." It all comes together as a sort of westward expansion against the = masculine soul. And thus the heart of a man is driven into the high country, = into remote places, like a wounded animal looking for cover. Women know = this, and lament that they have no access to their man's heart. Men know = it too, but are often unable to explain why their heart is missing. They = know their heart is on the run, but they often do not know where to pick up the = trail. The church wags its head and wonders why it can't get more men to = sign up for its programs. The answer i s simply this: We have not invited a = man to know and live from his deep heart.

 

Lovework

 

Go on a journey to find your heart. Spend some time alone. The bush is = always good. The wilder the better. The sea can also be wild. Sit still for a = while and ask the question, "What makes my heart sing?" Write down = the answers and your prayers in a book and let it be a record of your = journey. The more you can live life, out of your heart, the happier you will = be. As Sting sings, "We are spirits in a material = world."

 

Yours for being spiritually alive

Warwick Marsh

 

PS. This week we are beginning to advertise a new position at the Fatherhood Foundation for a development manager. Full details are available in = News & Info and at our website:http://www.fatherhood.org.au/employment.html

We would greatly appreciate if you could pass this information on to anyone = you know who is passionate for this cause and has the necessary = qualifications for the job.

__________________________= _________________________________ =

Warwick Marsh has been married to Alison for 32 years. He is = the father of five children, four boys and one girl, ranging in age from = 26 years to 14 years.  Warwick is a musician, songwriter, = producer and public speaker who likes to think he can still laugh at = himself.

back = to top

Grandads

 

 

 

To do for = yourself the best that you have it in you to do - to grit your teeth and clench = your fists in order to survive the world at its harshest and worst - is, = by that very act, to be unable to let something be done for you and in you = that is more wonderful still. The trouble with steeling yourself against the harshness of reality is that the same steel that secures your life = against being destroyed secures your life
also against being opened up and transformed.

(The Sacred Journey by Frederick = Buechner)

 

 

back = to top

Laughter

 

Murphy applied for an = engineering position at an Irish firm based in Dublin. An American applied for the same job, and both applicants, having = the same qualifications, were asked to take a test by the department manager. =

Upon completion of the test, both men had only missed one of = the questions on the test. All the other questions were answered = correctly. The manager went to Murphy and said, "Thanks to both of you for = your interest, but we've decided to give the American the job." =

Murphy said, "And why would you be doing that? We both = got 9 questions correct. This being Ireland and me being Irish, I should get the job!"

The manager replied, "We have made our decision not on = the correct answers, but on the question you missed." =

"And just how would one incorrect answer be better than = the other?" asked Murphy.

The manager replied, "Simple. The American put down for question five, 'I don't know.'   You put down, 'Neither do I.' 

back = to top

Single Dads =

 

 

   =

 

A Question of = Motivation

By Chris

 

There's no doubt that living through a marriage break up, especially one that = was not your decision, can be extremely difficult. In fact there may be = times when you wonder whether it is worth living at all: It always is, don't = give in - these feelings will pass.

 

Before we get into what motivates, let's consider what it is that can de-motivate = you to the level where life itself is under question; some of the words = below are based on my experiences and some on those of others. =

 

Firstly here is a tremendous sense of loss and failure. Everything you had been = working for has suddenly been taken away from you. Your home and physical = assets soon pale into insignificance when it dawns on you that your child = or children will now no longer be the same part of your life. It's as = if the life that you knew was within a picture frame and your partner, your = children, your extended family and friends were set in relief within that = frame. When separation comes, all of those wonderful and precious parts of your = life turn to dust. Suddenly you become disoriented; the 'frame' of = reference for your life has disappeared. But don't give in, it will pass. It is at = this time that you need to be talking to your pastor and counselors; they = will help you find your way and put things back into = perspective.

 

A good friend, Max, put it this way 'All of the precious moments that you = had with them (your children) will come flooding back and you will find grief = and it will hurt badly; there will be other moments, they may never be the = same because they will not be within the context of a real family, but = you will share more moments and they will be beautiful and in some ways even = more precious'. Max is right; now you need to concentrate on the present = moments and not those that have past, there is no future in = them.

 

Next you may find that some of those who you once regarded as friends and even = family will not be so readily available to you, very probably some will = have taken sides and others will simply not know how to deal with the = situation; you need to face up to the fact that you may lose contact with them. Now = is the time that you must talk with your steadfast and true relatives and = friends. They will listen and be a real rock for = you.

 

You may find that this 'alienation and isolation' process has reached into your = child's school or Day Care and what was one a decent and pleasant = relationship suddenly becomes strained. In one case a parent requested access to = their child's records to have the request refused; unjustly in this case = but should there be a Domestic Violence Order in place then those = records could be refused to you. Worth checking out as you may need those records = in any custody issues that may transpire, read the next paragraph for more information on this. Don't feel intimated if this happens to you, = these people will have a very one sided view of the reality of the = situation and will give way in the face of your persistence. If you simply don't = have the energy to deal with this at the time, leave it until you do. But = make sure that you address it at some time; it's these sorts of issues that = can be very damagi ng to you and yours. Talk with the people concerned and = if you don't get a satisfactory response then talk to the Government = Department responsible.

 

Simultaneously there may be Domestic Violence Applications made against you, = allegations of stalking, breaking into homes, causing financial distress, = physical abuse and worse may be laid at your door. Given that the allegations = made are without foundation then you may be able to respond with a = counter Domestic Violence Application; your application could be based on 'Intimidation'. Seek professional legal advice; you may be eligible = for Legal Aid. Most lawyers will give you up to 1 hour free consultation = and then if they think you are eligible, they will assist you with your = Legal Aid application.

 

Little wonder then that many become depressed and contemplate all of the options, = little wonder then that Pastor Tim's words from last weeks article ring = true. 'Divorce and anything that contributes to it is not the work of = God'. Keep your faith in God and pray for His direction and guidance through = all of these troubled and distressing times. He does listen; He will = answer, be patient and have faith.

 

As you have read between the lines the great news is that you can lift yourself = from this and find a new and inspiring future for you and your children = and a path towards improved communications for you and your ex partner. = There is always hope if you allow it to enter your life and pray constantly = for it.

 

So, where and how to find motivation? Firstly and as pointed out above; take = action. Not just any action but careful, well thought out and considered action including the most powerful action of all, getting down on your = knees and praying. You will be amazed at the results you will = get.

 

Secondly, if you are looking to achieve a shared care agreement then you must = spend time and prayer in examining your motives.

 

- Do you really want a shared care agreement or do you want to simply win = some points?

- Is it really your children that matter most or is it an ego issue? =

- Have you really thought about just what is best for your children? =

- Will you be able to honestly maintain a shared care arrangement? =

- Have you researched to find out exactly what a shared care arrangement is? =

- Have you spoken with any organisations that may offer help by way of joint counseling for you and your ex partner? (Lifeline for example). =

- Have you seen and reviewed an example of a 'Parenting = Agreement'?

 

Thirdly, now that you have assessed and addressed the real issues you are now in = a position to make some firm plans, to put a strategy in place for = change that is just, fair and compassionate.

 

To summarise:

 

- Be persistent and consistent in your thoughts and = prayers

- Take well thought out and considered actions

- Seek professional legal advice

- Search deeply and examine your motives

- With the help of your advisors, develop your strategy based on just, fair and compassionate outcomes

 

Next week we will look at how my strategy went together, as well as some of the = hurdles encountered on the way.

back = to top

Special = Feature

 

Entering the Wound to Heal the = Wound

By John Eldridge

 

Frederick Buechner's father committed suicide when he was ten. He left a note, = to his mother: "I adore and love you, and am no good . . . Give = Freddie my watch. Give Jaime my pearl pin. I give you all my love," and = then he sat in the garage while the running car filled it with carbon = monoxide. It happened on a Saturday morning in the fall. He was to have take = Frederick and his brother to a football game that day. Instead, he took = himself forever from their lives. What is a ten-year-old boy to do with such = an event?

 

A child takes life as it comes because he has no other way of taking it. The = world had come to an end that Saturday morning, but each time we had moved = to another place, I had seen a world come to an end, and there had = always been another world to replace it. When somebody you love dies, Mark Twain = said, it is like when your house burns down, it isn't for years that you = realize the full extent of your loss. For me it was longer than for most, if = indeed I have realized it fully even yet, and in the meantime the loss came = to get buried so deep in me that after a time I scarcely ever took it out = to look at it at all, let alone speak of it. (The Sacred = Journey)

 

That is the way we are with our wound, especially men. We bury it deep and never = take it out again. But take it out we must, or better, enter into it. I = entered my wound through the surprising door of my anger. After we moved to Colorado, about eleven years ago, I found myself snapping at my boys = for silly things. A spilled glass of milk would elicit a burst of rage. = Whoa John, I thought, there are things going on inside, you'd better have = a look under the hood. As I explored my anger with the help of my dear = friend Brent, I realized I was so furious about feeling all alone in a = world that constantly demanded more of me than I felt able to give. Something = in me felt young - like a ten-year-old boy in a man's world but without a = man's ability to come through. There was much fear beneath the surface; = fear that I was ultimately on my own. Where did all this fear come from? I = wondered. Why do I feel so alone in the world . . . and so young inside? Why = does something in my heart feel orphaned?

 

My answer came through several movies. As I've written about in other places, = I was blindsided by 'A River Runs Through It' because through its = beautiful retelling of boys who never really had their father except during = their fishing trips, and how in the end they lost even that. I realized I = had lost my father, and like Buechner the loss got buried so deep in me = that after a time I scarcely ever took it out. I was pierced by 'A = Perfect World' because I saw there just how much a boy's father means to him = and how I longed for that intimacy with a source of strength who loved = me and could tell me my name. I so identified with Will Hunting because I, = too, was a fighter who saw myself as up against the rest of the world and = I had also accepted my wound and never grieved it. I thought it was my = fault.

 

In some ways God had to sneak up on me through those stories because I wasn't = willing to just skip happily down the path to my heart's deepest pain. We fight = this part of the journey. The whole false self, our 'lifestyle,' is an = elaborate defense against entering our wounded heart. It is a chosen = blindness. "Our false self stubbornly blinds each of us to the light and = the truth of our own emptiness and hollowness," says Manning. There = are readers who even now have no idea what their wound is, or even what = false self arose from it. Ah, how convenient that blindness is. Blissful ignorance. But a wound unfelt is a wound unhealed. We must go in. = The door may be your anger; it may be rejection that you've experienced, = perhaps from a girl; it may be failure, or the loss of the golden bat and = the way God is thwarting your false self. It may be a simple prayer: Jesus, = take me into my wound.

 

"Behold," he says, "I stand at the door and = knock."

back = to top

Thought of the = Week

 

 

 

 

 

 

Guard your hear

 t with all diligence

for out of your heart flow the wellsprings of = life.

 

Proverbs

 

 

 

back = to top

All You Need is = Love

Tips for a successful = marriage

 

Dr John Gottman, psychologist, relationship expert and co-author of The New = York Times bestseller, The Seven Principles For Making Marriage Work = (Crown) offers these tips for achieving a happy union: =

 

* Focus on the bright side - In a happy marriage couples make at least = five times as many positive statements to and about each other and their = relationship as negative ones. A good marriage must have a climate of positivity. =

 

* Edit yourself - Couples who avoid saying every critical thought when discussing touchy topics are consistently the happiest. =

 

* Have high standards - Happy couples have high standards for each other = even as newlyweds. The most successful couples are those who refuse to = accept hurtful behaviour from another. The lower the tolerance for bad = behaviour in the beginning of a relationship, the happier the couple is down = the road.

 

* Seek help early - The average couple waits six years before seeking help = for marital problems, meaning that the average couple lives with = unhappiness for far too long.

 

* Learn to repair and exit the argument - Successful couples know how to = exit an argument and repair the situation before it gets out of hand. = Successful repair attempts include: changing the topic to something completely unrelated; using humour; making it clear you are on common ground; = backing down (in marriage, as in martial arts, you have to yield to win); = and, in general, offering signs of appreciation for your partner and his or = her feelings along the way. If an argument gets too heated, take a = 20-minute break, and agree to approach the topic again when you are both calm. =

back = to top

News & = Info

 = ;

 

 

 

 

 

 

  

 

Development Manager - = Fatherhood Foundation

 

 

 

 

The Fatherhood = Foundation is a tax deductible faith-based charity with the goal of inspiring = fathers and renewing families. Our aim is to prevent the harm caused by = fatherlessness to the children of Australia. We are looking for an energetic and enthusiastic man who is = committed to the cause found in the words of Malachi 'to turn the hearts of the = fathers to the children and the hearts of the children to their fathers'. = The role of the Development Manager is to obtain funding and support to = enable the cause of the Fatherhood Foundation to be fulfilled. The applicant = would need to be highly disciplined, exhibit great management skills and = posses s excellent communication abilities with an entrepreneurial attitude. = An attractive salary package will be provided for the successful = applicant.

 

For more information = visit www.fatherhood.org.au/be= involved   

_______________________

 

Men4Life =

Information night =

29 Jan 2008 =

New Venue:1A = Stuart Street, East Nowra =

Time: = 7pm

Joanna Gash ,Member = for Gilmore, will officially open the group. =

We hope you can all = attend so you can hear what our goals and objectives are. =

Light refreshments = will be available.

Please send me an = email or give me a call if you have any = questions

Please RSVP for = catering.

 

Men4Life=

Founder/coordinator - = David Simister

Phone:0431 549 = 593

www.men4life.net =

__________________

 

Men's Shed initiative

From the desk of Alan = Barron

Convenor, The Memucan Institute.

www.memucan.net =

 

A new phenomenon is = afoot!  The Men's Shed movement has arrived and it's thriving!  There's = nothing new about men gathering together in their own space to talk, share = skills, swap ideas, solve problems or just discuss life in general - it's been = happening since the beginning of time.  There's nothing new either about = men spending time in their backyard shed - an acknowledged Aussie = pastime.

 

What is new is that = men, particularly retired men, are combining these two activities in a = communal space simply called a Men's Shed.  Activities within Sheds are = many and various: woodwork, metal work, restoration of old cars, building = pre-fab houses for war-torn countries, 'portable' Sheds taken to Alzheimer facilities or mobile Sheds for remote country areas.  Men's = Shed membership is open to all.  Men from all backgrounds, ethnic and social = mixes can join and enjoy bringing their unique cultural characteristics to enliven = the activities.

 

The common theme in = all Sheds is about men feeling useful and contributing again to their = communities, learning or sharing their skills, making friends, networking and = availing themselves of health information programmes and opportunities.  = Men's Sheds are under the auspices of a variety of organisations whose ethos = they tend to exemplify.

 

Communities are keen = to provide activity, identity and meaning for vast numbers of older, unemployed, job-redundant, isolated, depressed and happily retired, = active, creating enthusiastic men.

 

Men?s Sheds are fast = being recognised as vital, viable places to fulfil these needs and provide relaxed, happy creative spaces for men to enjoy!   = Membership is free and open to men of all ages, but is primarily targeted at men over 55 = years of age.  The Sheds are alcohol drug and smoke free workplace and = is compliant with occupational health and safety standards to minimise risk of = injury to participants.  There are very few rules, and the only = obligation is for the blokes to enjoy their time at the shed and to contribute to the = enjoyment of others.  For a full list of Men's Sheds across = Australia, visit: www.mensheds.com.au =

__________________________= ____

 = <= /p>

Institute of = Family Practice

Courses & = Workshops available for 2008

http://= www.burnside.org.au/organisation/page.cfm?id=3D35

back = to top

Dad's = Prayer

Dear God

 

If only I could
see you now

I would see as
I am seen.

If only I could
know you now

I would know you as I am known.

In seeing you I would know all things.

In knowing all things I would understand
my place in the story,

and my part in the exquisite mystery of life.

Then I would exclaim

'Heal me that I might be healed'.

Heal me that I might become a source of healing

for those who need a friend on the journey.

 

back = to top

Help Us

Click here for more information about us

Help Us!

The Fatherhood Foundation is a Harm Prevention Charity. =
Fatherlessness and inadequate fathering has been proven to be = a source of harm.

The Fatherhood Foundation helps children by promoting excellence  in fathering. Excellent fathers are in word and = deed: responsible, involved, protective, loving and committed to the = well-being of their children and their children's = mother.

If you would like to give financially to the Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund and receive tax = deductibility:

Fatherhood Foundation Public = Fund
(Name, address and amount details must be emailed for a receipt for = tax deductibility)
Westpac Branch Wollongong
BSB: 032 695
A/C: 25-5558

Or mail cheque and address details to:
PO Box 440
WOLLONGONG  NSW  2520
AUSTRALIA

The Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund  is a public = fund listed on the Register of Harm Prevention Charities under = Subdivision 30_EA of the Income Tax Assessment Act 1997.

You have received the fathersonline.org newsletter = because you have subscribed, or you have been subscribed by a friend.  = If you do not wish to receive future emails, please click the UNSUBSCRIBE = button below or send an email to info@fathersonline.org with the word UNSUBSCRIBE in the subject = heading.

back = to top

 

 

 

Click Here to Unsubscribe

 

------=_NextPart_000_06F2_01C84095.03F34B00--