Received: from beru.its.uow.edu.au ([130.130.68.31]) by anubis.ad.uow.edu.au with Microsoft SMTPSVC(6.0.3790.3959); Mon, 10 Dec 2007 14:16:00 +1100 Received: from febris-nat.its.uow.edu.au ([130.130.68.210] helo=febris.its.uow.edu.au) by beru.its.uow.edu.au with esmtp (Exim 4.63) (envelope-from ) id 1J1Z7g-0002jQ-Fo for blane@uow.edu.au; Mon, 10 Dec 2007 14:16:00 +1100 Received: from vmail1.webshield.net.au (vmail1.webshield.net.au [202.78.46.227]) by febris.its.uow.edu.au (MOS 3.8.5-GA) with ESMTP id GXA87088; Mon, 10 Dec 2007 14:15:59 +1100 (EST) Received: (qmail 26698 invoked from network); 10 Dec 2007 03:15:28 -0000 Received: from vmail1.webshield.net.au (HELO COMP1) (202.78.46.227) by vmail1.webshield.net.au with SMTP; 10 Dec 2007 03:15:28 -0000 Received: from COMP1 ([118.67.221.168] helo=COMP1) by ASSP-nospam; 10 Dec 2007 13:45:28 +1030 From: "Fatherhood Foundation" To: "Lane, Brian" Subject: 10/12/2007 Vision Quest Date: Mon, 10 Dec 2007 14:15:17 +1100 Message-ID: <076601c83ada$e448b1b0$6401a8c0@COMP1> MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: multipart/alternative; boundary="----=_NextPart_000_0767_01C83B37.17B929B0" X-Mailer: Microsoft Office Outlook 11 X-MimeOLE: Produced By Microsoft MimeOLE V6.00.2900.3198 Thread-Index: Acg52lRCqzy0lk1ZQp+NZVWaEqk/8gBAHCMQ X-Junkmail-Status: score=10/49, host=febris.its.uow.edu.au X-Junkmail-SD-Raw: score=unknown, refid=str=0001.0A090204.475CAE9A.0005,ss=1,fgs=0, ip=202.78.46.227, so=2007-07-31 18:51:00, dmn=5.4.3/2007-11-16 Return-Path: info@fathersonline.org X-OriginalArrivalTime: 10 Dec 2007 03:16:00.0685 (UTC) FILETIME=[FD4A5DD0:01C83ADA] This is a multi-part message in MIME format. ------=_NextPart_000_0767_01C83B37.17B929B0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset="us-ascii" Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit Unable to read this email? Please click here Issue 277 - 10th December, 2007 Go to our website Here * Hello <> & Welcome Friend * Grandads <> * Laughter <> * Single Dads <> * Special Feature <> * Thought of the Week <> * All You Need is Love <> * News <> & Info * Dad's Prayer <> * Help Us <> Hello & Welcome Friend It was an early start, but I was excited. I was on my way to VisionQuest 07, a programme the Fatherhood Foundation has for Year 10 boys. VisionQuest is now in its second year and the reason I was so excited was that my good friend Paul Beckett was going to accompany us on the VisionQuest 10 km bush walk to Mt Kembla, NSW. Not only was Paul going to come with us, but he was going to bring along a diamond python, a poisonous small eyed snake AND his pet Cunningham skink. As you can tell, I still haven't quite grown up. I love lizards and snakes. Most boys do and Paul and I knew that the dozen Year 10 boys from Tongarra High School would be very interested in seeing Paul's snake collection too. When I was a boy I remember that my brother and I had an extensive snake and lizard collection housed in a box in our back yard. At one stage we had two 1.2 metre tiger snakes. The Australian tiger snake venom is one of the most deadly venoms in the world. This fact obviously escaped my brother and I as we used to let the tiger snakes out of the box for supervised exercise in the back yard. No wonder I was excited about Paul and his snakes. (Not quite as extreme as Johnny Knoxville of Jackass fame who jumped into a caged playpen with two giant anacondas.) Boys love doing dangerous things. Handling a 1.8 metre diamond python and watching Paul handle a venomous small eyed snake is still a lot safer than trying to keep up with Johnny Knoxville's insane exploits. The idea behind the VisionQuest programme is to provide some real life experience with some male mentor/father figures. Some of the boys' dads came on the hike which was fantastic. A secondary goal of VisionQuest is to provoke 16 year old young men to think about the future and get a vision for their lives. Most of us bump into life and blunder through. My challenge to these young men was to think about their need to set goals. My friend Wayne Larkin puts it this way: It is almost impossible to overestimate the value of goal-setting as a positive habit. It is recommended as a primary habit because it can truly be life changing. Research studies have shown that people who regularly set goals are far more likely to be successful than people who do not. Napoleon Hill, author of the best-seller, Think and Grow Rich, once said, ?Definiteness of purpose is the starting point of all achievement, and its lack is the stumbling block for ninety eight out of every one hundred people because they never really define their goals and start toward them.? A study was done to determine the importance of goal setting. College students who had gone on to achieve great success in business were asked to list their habits. The students who had made a habit of setting goals were in the top 3% of earnings in the population! Goal setting is simple, yet 97% of the population never do it. By making goal setting a habit, you can start placing yourself in the top 3% of the population of successful people. Your goal-setting habit can help you reach any of your goals, regardless of whether they are for business, personal, relationships, and so on. Some of the goal setting areas we challenged the Year 10 lads with included: Career goals Financial goals Giving goals Family goals Health goals Fun goals Education goals Attitude goals Truth goals - and last but not least Spiritual goals. Every young man needs to think about goal setting and so does every dad. Developing goals and setting goals is code for having a vision for your life. If you don't have a vision the cost can be very high. In Proverbs it says, "Without a vision the people perish." Lovework Lead from the front. Get a vision for your life. Go on a vision quest before the start of 2008. Develop some goals and give your life some forward motion. You can't give what you don't have. Make sure one of your goals is to 'always enjoy the journey'. A good snake collection will always put a smile on a boy's face whether young or old. Yours for great vision Warwick Marsh PS We would love to roll out our VisionQuest programme across Australia. Your regular or one off donation is Tax Deductible. When you give to the Fatherhood Foundation you are planting a seed of hope in the children of Australia. Together we can make a difference! ___________________________________________________________ Warwick Marsh has been married to Alison for 32 years. He is the father of five children, four boys and one girl, ranging in age from 26 years to 14 years. Warwick is a musician, songwriter, producer and public speaker who likes to think he can still laugh at himself. back to top <> Grandads Find out what you love to do and you will never have to work another day in your life. James Huxley back to top <> Laughter An atheist was walking through the woods. "What majestic trees"! "What powerful rivers"! "What beautiful animals"! He said to himself. As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charge towards him. He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder & saw that the bear was closing in on him. He looked over his shoulder again, & the bear was even closer. He tripped & fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but saw that the bear was right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw & raising his right paw to strike him. At that instant the Atheist cried out, "Oh my God!" Time Stopped. The bear froze. The forest was silent. As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky. "You deny my existence for all these years, teach others I don't exist and even credit creation to cosmic accident." "Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer"? The atheist looked directly into the light, "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps you could make the BEAR a Christian"? "Very Well," said the voice. The light went out. The sounds of the forest resumed. And the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together, bowed his head & spoke: "Lord bless this food, which I am about to receive from thy bounty through Christ our Lord, Amen." back to top <> Single Dads If you want to fix external issues, You must first look within. By Chris. Last week we had a very brief overview of a journey I have recently undertaken; we spoke of the pains, trials and tribulations of marriage and family breakdown with a particular focus on the children, the innocent victims of these tragic events. This week I would like to share with you the first positive step that I took on the road to reaching a Shared Care arrangement. I say 'Positive' because in all honesty there were a few negatives ahead of that; I had been feeling very sorry for myself and, to an extent at least, it was all about poor me. Quite frankly I felt lost; my wife had left and taken our daughter, there were other material things that went along with her but they were and are insignificant in the bigger picture. Sleepless nights ensued as did an increased consumption of alcohol. Not to excess but noticeable, thankfully I quickly addressed that; it was doing absolutely nothing for me except cost money that I simply couldn't afford. To cut a long story short, in the lead up to the split, I was convinced by a friend of a friend that given my financial situation at the time my best course of action was to wind up my business and declare myself bankrupt; not the smartest move I ever made. It just added to the sense of misery and failure. We mere males do not handle failure well. There are and, in hindsight, were, other options. The combined effect of these things plus an ongoing, serious and debilitating illness that my son was experiencing, was soul destroying. One lonely and sleepless night I cried out to God for help. The next day I knew that I should go to the local Christian Church and talk with the Pastor; let's call him Tim. Tim listened and seemed to genuinely care about my situation. Together we prayed firstly for a reconciliation, and then for my wife and our daughter. For me to take part in this was unusual to say the least; I have had an on and off relationship with God for most of my life. Apart from praying and introducing me to another (lady) pastor who was also very understanding and helpful, Tim recommended that I see a counselor who attended the Church, Rose. This proved to be one of the most significant steps that I have taken. We set up and had a number of meetings over the ensuing weeks. She listened and gently guided me through the process. During the first meeting I was feeling pretty numb and trotted out the events almost as if they didn't involve me. The second meeting was a different style all together; part way through I started blubbering like a baby - I literally fell apart and all of the hurt and pain came pouring out. A watershed event in more ways than one. We had perhaps another 4 or so meetings and during each one I came to understand more and more about me and the person that I am and who I really wanted to be. Rose had effectively helped me clear the decks and give myself a platform from which I could start on my quest to gain better access to our daughter and hopefully better communication with my now ex-wife. It's a fact that, in these situations, the pain and hurt goes on. It's not like you can put up your hand and say, 'Stop, just wait a little whilst I get myself sorted out'! Perhaps for the first time I was able to see things clearly. Not only did I have a better understanding of me but I began to see things the way that my ex-wife might see them. Don't get this wrong-I didn't necessarily agree with the way that she saw things but it was important that I understood more about her feelings and what motivated her. In this way I was far better able to understand and manage any conflict situations that arose. We all need to understand that each of us is, by and large, a product of our upbringing, the experiences that we encounter on life's path and the support or lack of it in the process. These things create the lens through which we see life as we grow older. From this, the lesson learnt was the perceived problems I had with my wife were less with her than they were with her behaviour, a behaviour over which she had little control. My honest recommendation to you is, if you are in this situation then seek out your local Church leader whatever their denomination might be and ask for an introduction to an experienced counselor. Such people are skilled and able to help guide you and assist you to find your answers-the sort of answers that will put in place that foundation that you will definitely need if you are to achieve your goal. Before you start trying to have an impact on external situations the most critically important thing to do is to look within and fix that person first. Next week is all about what motivated me in this situation and, what was I really trying to achieve? back to top <> Special Feature Portraits of Passage By Brian Molitor Extract from Boy's Passage Man's Journey C 2004 Available through www.koorong.com THE BIRTH OF A CHILD Few moments in life hold as much wonder, excitement and promise. Months of anticipation and anxiety are quickly eclipsed as the baby miraculously appears. The new daughter or son fills your home with marvellous warmth. From that moment on, life is never the same for any member of the family. By perfect design, the child looks to you for everything he or she needs to survive and grow during the early years. But that soon changes. Days rush by and turn into years. Your boy's once tiny frame fills with muscle, and his mind fills with dreams. Perilous bicycle trips around the block become business trips around the world. All too soon the baby is grown and begins to leave his own legacy for others to see. Through the process, parents do their level best to equip their sons with all they need to succeed. Nutrition, tuition, transportation, lectures and love - all have been liberally supplied. Surely this is sufficient for our young men to prosper. Or is it? If these basics are all a young male needs to succeed, then why are so many in our society struggling to find purpose, identity and manhood itself? Why are so many men, young and old, depressed or anxious about life? What could possibly cause today's endless stream of horror stories involving crime, teen sex, drug and alcohol abuse, gangs, murder and suicide? Although experts have studied these questions, few seem to offer lasting answers, and the quality of young men's lives continues to disintegrate at an alarming rate. Since the tide has not turned, we have to reach one simple conclusion: we must be missing something. What is it? Do our sons need more government programmes or more money thrown at them? How about better schools and stricter punishment to shape them up? Maybe peppier youth ministries or in-depth counselling sessions would forever change the hearts and lives of the young. Perhaps. However, I am convinced that we can find more foundational and effective answers to our modern dilemma by looking at other societies, past and present, to discover a powerful secret of individual and national success. This secret is revealed as we study cultures that have long helped their sons to transition into mature manhood by design rather than by default. back to top <> Thought of the Week In lif e, as in football, you won't go far unless you know where the goalposts are. J.C. Penney back to top <> All You Need is Love Love Actually By Vanessa Waters December 02, 2007 Daily Telegraph WHAT keeps a relationship going through tough times. We speak to three couples to find out. Ralph Waldo Emerson said, 'Obey thy heart, give all to love.' We all know the benefits of surrendering our hearts to another, including increased health, greater happiness and a longer life. But what happens when life gets hard and your relationship hits rocky terrain? We ask three couples who have endured the tests of time for the secrets to a successful relationship and how they keep the love alive. Osnat Marshall (33) and Cameron Marshall (34) have been together for six years and are expecting their first child. Cameron: Osnat and I had been living together for a year when I went to Israel to meet her family. My bag got lost so when I arrived in Israel I didn't have any clothes, and then the war in Iraq started. I'd met Osnat's dad a few times in the first week and then he was tragically killed by a car crossing the road. We went through the whole Jewish mourning period, which was something really different for me. We overcame that time with lots of hugs and kisses and by talking a lot. The whole experience definitely made us stronger. As a man I obviously can't think like a woman, but it's important for me to respect, listen and try to understand her. It can be hard because we are made up differently, so it's good if you can understand that, be aware of it and give her the space she needs, or the opposite - be close to her when she needs it. Osnat: When we first met, the language barrier was very hard. I am Israeli and spoke French and Hebrew and Cam spoke English, but when we started talking, it just felt right. I wasn't sure if I was going to come back to Australia after my dad died because it felt like the end of the world for me. At the same time my application for Australian residency was rejected. I was extremely lucky to have Cam with me as he is so gentle and understanding. My advice for marriage. We are one, but you have to remember your husband is a different person and you can't control him or predict what he is going to do. Just plan to know each other more, and learn about the other person's needs. Surprise each other as well; that can be positive. Have fun now and deal with the big things when they come. Josephine McAleer (49) and Tim McAleer (53) have been married for over 20 years and have two children. Tim: I think we seek that which complements us, because Josephine and I are total opposites in every way. It gets pretty tempestuous at times, but for me it's really simple - there is nobody else I want. The biggest destroyer of relationships is trying to change somebody else's behaviour. A time that was hard for us was when Josephine was studying for her masters degree. As much as I could respect and admire her for going back to university, it drove me mad because I felt she was ignoring the family and there was a huge amount of friction between us. But I learnt to accept that the only person's behaviour I can change is my own, and to allow the other person to self-actualise and be who they have to be. I think love should be nurturing. A lot of what passes for love in our society isn't that at all; it's about ownership, control or making yourself look good. But if you are in the relationship for the other person to be bigger, stronger, better and brighter, then you are loving that person. Josephine: Tim is a very bright man, has a lot of integrity and is someone I have always respected. We do butt heads and I don't think we will ever stop. Initially, I thought, 'This is not going to work', but it was about getting to a place where I felt assured that conflict did not mean the end of our relationship. And while our personalities are different, our fundamental values are very much the same. One of the best things we did was go to a marriage counsellor, who gave us certain rules for engagement - now we won't interrupt each other, raise our voices or call each other names. For me, love is trust. It's knowing that Tim is not going to walk out the door if I mess up. He is going to catch me if I stumble and won't let me fall. Ethel May and Norman Treleaven are both in their nineties. They met just before World War II and have been married for over 65 years. Norman: The best thing that has ever happened to me was when May said 'Yes'. She was my first and only girlfriend and after 65 years together I am still in love with her. The secret is to give and take. It's impossible to have it all your own way. If you are determined to get your own way, you?ll have a row. The relationship will finish. When two people with strong personalities are together one has to give way, or you part. Just work it out. Know how to say, 'Yes, dear.' It is also good to please one another. May is often unwell, so I like to spoil her and I'm sure it helps. I know what she likes. When you are happily married you want to do things together. We are happy in one another's company. Even now we get up and go for a walk together before breakfast. I strongly recommend marriage. It's the friendship, the company, it's knowing you always have something to work towards. When you are on your own it can be lonely, but being married has so many benefits. It's life! I don't know what I'd do without her. May: When we got married, Norm's mother said to me, 'May, if ever you have a row with Norm, don't go to bed until you have straightened it out.' You can be cranky and snub one another all day, but come night we say we are sorry. When I first had the stroke Norm had to do everything - for 10 years he did all the housework and looked after me. Even now I can hardly bend and I have trouble balancing, so Norm dries my hair, puts my shoes on, gets the bed ready. Just the other night, Norm turned to me and said, 'I love you still!' Even after all this time we are in love and just want to be with one another. back to top <> News & Info THE GREATEST FUNDRAISING DVD EVER! A Great Gift at only $19.95 New Festival DVD highlights with John Butler and Pete Murray on sale until 18th December 2007 The long awaited highlights from the 2006 Fatherhood Festival is on sale at our online shop http://www.fatherhood.net.au/shop.php The DVD contains live footage from concerts over that special weekend, with artists talking about being or having a father. This heartfelt and beautifully performed DVD makes a great gift this season at $19.95 (RRP $29.95) and is packed with special performances by other great local artists including, Juzzie Smith, Tommee, Soulman and Nathan Kaye. It is a limited edition release and we have kept the cost low so that everyone can enjoy the magic of that Father?s Day weekend in 2006 at Bangalow. This offer is only valid until 18th December 2007. ______________________________ SYDNEY MEN'S FESTIVAL JAN 2008 Saturday 12 to Sunday 20 Jan 2008 Venue: Yaraandoo, 28 Nollands Road Fiddletown, Arcadia (near Hornsby) For more details view the website. Web: http://www.sydneymensfestival.org.au/ Email: info@sydneymensfestival.org.au Post: SMF PO Box 689 Rozelle NSW 2039 Contact: Johann: 02 6231 2544 Len: 04 1827 7896 A chance to talk, relax, participate in and run workshops. Children welcome (boys all ages & girls under 7). _________________________________ The Death of Feminism by Karen Murphy .........and now to describe yourself as a feminist has almost the same effect as if you had farted in a crowded lift. http://www.theage.com.au/cgi-bin/common/popupPrintArticle.pl?path=/articles/ 2007/12/03/1196530572754.html _____________________________________________ Letters RE: Good to Great Mentoring Course Dear Fatherhood Foundation I just wanted to again thank you guys for running a brilliant course on Fathering. The content of the course was really worthwhile and I am absolutely certain that the huge amount of personal time, energy and sacrifice that you invested has had great payoff and eternal reward. I know that it has helped focus a lot of what I attempt to do with my family and enabled me to engage with them in an even greater way. Last night was a great way to cap the course off. Please pass on my appreciation and thanks for making the night most memorable. It was so heart-warming to see you guys doing it together and enjoying yourselves. Rob Feeney, I have appreciated working with you, getting to know your heart and seeing how much you are dedicated to not only improving your own fathering and husband skills, but challenging and inspiring others to do likewise. You and Warwick are both huge role models and I congratulate and thank you both!!! I look forward to keeping in touch with both of you - Rob, continuing to grow each other and Warwick watching your ministry with great interest and hopefully partnering with you sometime next year by holding a course at our church. God bless. Rod __________________________ Dear Fatherhood Foundation We are a small number of lucky men who have privilege getting to know each other and really learn and gain from the course. I must say thank to Warwick, Rob Feeney and Rob Wolf for their efforts and facilitating works that make the course successful. Warwick said that this course is a journey and not a destination. I believe we should keep the spirit to support and cheer the men in order to make this world better and happier. Cheers Stephen Editors Note: The Good to Great Fatherhood Mentoring Course dates for 2008 will be released in the New Year. You can register your interest by emailing info@fatherhood.org.au back to top <> Dad's Prayer Dear God Early starts are good. Especially when fun beckons for the day To put off the monotonous And grab the moment as we play. The most important thing to do Is to grow a vision in our heart. Write it down, make it plain Rehearse it, make it part Of everything we do and say. So Father, Help us become the answer that we seek. Our children are waiting for a 3D image of your eyes. We know they will never see it, Unless we begin to prioritise. back to top <> Help Us Click here for more information about us Help Us! The Fatherhood Foundation is a Harm Prevention Charity. Fatherlessness and inadequate fathering has been proven to be a source of harm. The Fatherhood Foundation helps children by promoting excellence in fathering. Excellent fathers are in word and deed: responsible, involved, protective, loving and committed to the well-being of their children and their children's mother. If you would like to give financially to the Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund and receive tax deductibility: Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund (Name, address and amount details must be emailed for a receipt for tax deductibility) Westpac Branch Wollongong BSB: 032 695 A/C: 25-5558 Or mail cheque and address details to: PO Box 440 WOLLONGONG NSW 2520 AUSTRALIA The Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund is a public fund listed on the Register of Harm Prevention Charities under Subdivision 30_EA of the Income Tax Assessment Act 1997. You have received the fathersonline.org newsletter because you have subscribed, or you have been subscribed by a friend. If you do not wish to receive future emails, please click the UNSUBSCRIBE button below or send an email to info@fathersonline.org with the word UNSUBSCRIBE in the subject heading. back to top <> Click Here to Unsubscribe ------=_NextPart_000_0767_01C83B37.17B929B0 Content-Type: text/html; charset="us-ascii" Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable Fatherhood Foundation

 

 

Issue = 277 - 10th December, 2007

Go to our website Here<= /p>

 

 

 

 

Hello & Welcome = Friend

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It was an early start, but I was excited. I was on my way to = VisionQuest 07, a programme the Fatherhood Foundation has for Year 10 boys. = VisionQuest is now in its second year and the reason I was so excited was that my = good friend Paul Beckett was going to accompany us on the VisionQuest 10 = km bush walk to Mt Kembla, NSW.

 

Not only was Paul = going to come with us, but he was going to bring along a diamond python, a = poisonous small eyed snake AND his pet Cunningham skink. As you can tell, I = still haven't quite grown up. I love lizards and snakes. Most boys do and = Paul and I knew that the dozen Year 10 boys from Tongarra High School = would be very interested in seeing Paul's snake collection = too.

 

When I was a boy I = remember that my brother and I had an extensive snake and lizard collection = housed in a box in our back yard. At one stage we had two 1.2 metre tiger = snakes. The Australian tiger snake venom is one of the most deadly venoms in = the world. This fact obviously escaped my brother and I as we used to = let the tiger snakes out of the box for supervised exercise in the back = yard. No wonder I was excited about Paul and his snakes. (Not quite as = extreme as Johnny Knoxville of Jackass fame who jumped into a caged playpen = with two giant anacondas.) Boys love doing dangerous things. Handling a 1.8 = metre diamond python and watching Paul handle a venomous small eyed snake = is still a lot safer than trying to keep up with Johnny Knoxville's = insane exploits.

 

The idea behind the VisionQuest programme is to provide some real life = experience with some male mentor/father figures. Some of the boys' dads came on = the hike which was fantastic. A secondary goal of VisionQuest is to = provoke 16 year old young men to think about the future and get a vision for = their lives. Most of us bump into life and blunder through. My challenge = to these young men was to think about their need to set goals. My friend = Wayne Larkin puts it this way:

 

It is almost = impossible to overestimate the value of goal-setting as a positive habit. It is recommended as a primary habit because it can truly be life = changing.

 

Research studies have = shown that people who regularly set goals are far more likely to be = successful than people who do not. Napoleon Hill, author of the best-seller, = Think and Grow Rich, once said, ?Definiteness of purpose is the starting point = of all achievement, and its lack is the stumbling block for ninety eight = out of every one hundred people because they never really define their = goals and start toward them.?

 

A study was done to = determine the importance of goal setting. College students who had gone on to = achieve great success in business were asked to list their habits. The = students who had made a habit of setting goals were in the top 3% of earnings in = the population!

 

Goal setting is = simple, yet 97% of the population never do it. By making goal setting a habit, = you can start placing yourself in the top 3% of the population of successful people. Your goal-setting habit can help you reach any of your = goals, regardless of whether they are for business, personal, = relationships, and so on.

 

Some of the goal = setting areas we challenged the Year 10 lads with included:<= /p>

 

Career = goals

Financial = goals

Giving = goals

Family = goals

Health = goals

Fun = goals

Education = goals

Attitude = goals

Truth goals - and = last but not least

Spiritual = goals.

 

Every young man needs = to think about goal setting and so does every dad. Developing goals and = setting goals is code for having a vision for your life. If you don't have a = vision the cost can be very high. In Proverbs it says, "Without a = vision the people perish."

 

Lovework

 

Lead from the front. = Get a vision for your life. Go on a vision quest before the start of 2008. Develop some goals and give your life some forward motion. You can't = give what you don't have. Make sure one of your goals is to 'always enjoy = the journey'. A good snake collection will always put a smile on a boy's = face whether young or old.

 

Yours for great = vision

Warwick = Marsh

 

PS We would love to = roll out our VisionQuest programme across Australia. Your regular or one off donation is Tax Deductible. When you give to the Fatherhood = Foundation you are planting a seed of hope in the children of Australia. Together = we can make a difference!

__________________________= _________________________________ =

Warwick Marsh has been married to Alison for 32 years. He is = the father of five children, four boys and one girl, ranging in age from = 26 years to 14 years.  Warwick is a musician, songwriter, = producer and public speaker who likes to think he can still laugh at = himself.

back = to top

Grandads

 

 

Find out = what you love to do

and you will never have to work =
another day in your = life.

 

James Huxley

 

 

 

 

back = to top

Laughter

 

An atheist was walking through the woods.
"What majestic trees"!
"What powerful rivers"!
"What beautiful animals"!
He said to himself.

As he was walking alongside the river,
he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him.
He turned to look.
He saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charge towards him.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


He ran = as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder & saw that the = bear was closing in on him.

He looked over his shoulder again, & the bear was even closer. = He tripped & fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up = but saw that the bear was right on top
of him, reaching for him with his left paw & raising his right = paw to strike him.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 



 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

At that instant the Atheist cried out, = "Oh my God!"

Time Stopped.
The bear froze.
The forest was silent.

As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky. "You deny my existence for all these years, teach others I = don't exist and even credit creation to cosmic accident." "Do you = expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a = believer"?
The atheist looked directly into the light, "It would be = hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but = perhaps you could make the BEAR a Christian"?

"Very Well," said the voice.

The light went out. The sounds of the forest resumed. And the bear = dropped his right paw, brought both paws together, bowed his head & = spoke:

"Lord bless this food, which I am about to receive from thy = bounty through Christ our Lord, Amen."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

back = to top

Single Dads =

 

 

   =

 

If you want to fix = external issues,

You must first look within.

By = Chris.

 

Last week we had a = very brief overview of a journey I have recently undertaken; we spoke of the = pains, trials and tribulations of marriage and family breakdown with a = particular focus on the children, the innocent victims of these tragic = events.

 

This week I would = like to share with you the first positive step that I took on the road to = reaching a Shared Care arrangement.

 

I say 'Positive' = because in all honesty there were a few negatives ahead of that; I had been = feeling very sorry for myself and, to an extent at least, it was all about = poor me. Quite frankly I felt lost; my wife had left and taken our daughter, = there were other material things that went along with her but they were = and are insignificant in the bigger picture. Sleepless nights ensued as did = an increased consumption of alcohol. Not to excess but noticeable, = thankfully I quickly addressed that; it was doing absolutely nothing for me = except cost money that I simply couldn't = afford.

 

To cut a long story = short, in the lead up to the split, I was convinced by a friend of a friend = that given my financial situation at the time my best course of action = was to wind up my business and declare myself bankrupt; not the smartest = move I ever made. It just added to the sense of misery and failure. We mere = males do not handle failure well. There are and, in hindsight, were, other options.

 

The combined effect = of these things plus an ongoing, serious and debilitating illness that my son = was experiencing, was soul destroying.

 

One lonely and = sleepless night I cried out to God for help. The next day I knew that I should go to = the local Christian Church and talk with the Pastor; let's call him Tim. = Tim listened and seemed to genuinely care about my situation. Together = we prayed firstly for a reconciliation, and then for my wife and our = daughter. For me to take part in this was unusual to say the least; I have had = an on and off relationship with God for most of my = life.

 

Apart from praying = and introducing me to another (lady) pastor who was also very = understanding and helpful, Tim recommended that I see a counselor who attended the = Church, Rose. This proved to be one of the most significant steps that I = have taken.

 

We set up and had a = number of meetings over the ensuing weeks. She listened and gently guided me = through the process. During the first meeting I was feeling pretty numb and = trotted out the events almost as if they didn't involve me. The second = meeting was a different style all together; part way through I started = blubbering like a baby - I literally fell apart and all of the hurt and pain came = pouring out. A watershed event in more ways than one. =

 

We had perhaps = another 4 or so meetings and during each one I came to understand more and more = about me and the person that I am and who I really wanted to be. Rose had effectively helped me clear the decks and give myself a platform = from which I could start on my quest to gain better access to our daughter and hopefully better communication with my now ex-wife. It's a fact = that, in these situations, the pain and hurt goes on. It's not like you can = put up your hand and say, 'Stop, just wait a little whilst I get myself = sorted out'!

 

Perhaps for the first = time I was able to see things clearly. Not only did I have a better = understanding of me but I began to see things the way that my ex-wife might see = them. Don't get this wrong-I didn't necessarily agree with the way that = she saw things but it was important that I understood more about her = feelings and what motivated her. In this way I was far better able to understand = and manage any conflict situations that = arose.

 

We all need to = understand that each of us is, by and large, a product of our upbringing, the = experiences that we encounter on life's path and the support or lack of it in = the process. These things create the lens through which we see life as = we grow older. From this, the lesson learnt was the perceived problems I had = with my wife were less with her than they were with her behaviour, a = behaviour over which she had little control.

 

My honest = recommendation to you is, if you are in this situation then seek out your local Church = leader whatever their denomination might be and ask for an = introduction to an experienced counselor. Such people are skilled and able to help = guide you and assist you to find your answers-the sort of answers that will put in = place that foundation that you will definitely need if you are to achieve = your goal.

 

Before you start = trying to have an impact on external situations the most critically important = thing to do is to look within and fix that person = first.

 

Next week is all = about what motivated me in this situation and, what was I really trying to = achieve?

back = to top

Special = Feature

 

Portraits = of Passage

By Brian = Molitor

Extract from Boy's = Passage Man's Journey © 2004 Available through www.koorong.com

 

THE BIRTH OF A = CHILD<= /p>

 

Few moments in life = hold as much wonder, excitement and promise. Months of anticipation and = anxiety are quickly eclipsed as the baby miraculously appears. The new daughter = or son fills your home with marvellous warmth.

 

From that moment on, = life is never the same for any member of the family. By perfect design, the = child looks to you for everything he or she needs to survive and grow = during the early years. But that soon changes.

 

Days rush by and turn = into years. Your boy's once tiny frame fills with muscle, and his mind = fills with dreams. Perilous bicycle trips around the block become business = trips around the world. All too soon the baby is grown and begins to leave = his own legacy for others to see.

 

Through the process, = parents do their level best to equip their sons with all they need to = succeed. Nutrition, tuition, transportation, lectures and love - all have = been liberally supplied. Surely this is sufficient for our young men to = prosper.

 

Or is = it?

 

If these basics are = all a young male needs to succeed, then why are so many in our society = struggling to find purpose, identity and manhood itself? Why are so many men, = young and old, depressed or anxious about life? What could possibly cause = today's endless stream of horror stories involving crime, teen sex, drug and alcohol abuse, gangs, murder and = suicide?

 

Although experts have = studied these questions, few seem to offer lasting answers, and the quality = of young men's lives continues to disintegrate at an alarming rate. = Since the tide has not turned, we have to reach one simple conclusion: we must = be missing something. What is it? Do our sons need more government = programmes or more money thrown at them? How about better schools and stricter punishment to shape them up? Maybe peppier youth ministries or = in-depth counselling sessions would forever change the hearts and lives of = the young. Perhaps.

 

However, I am = convinced that we can find more foundational and effective answers to our modern = dilemma by looking at other societies, past and present, to discover a = powerful secret of individual and national success. This secret is revealed = as we study cultures that have long helped their sons to transition into = mature manhood by design rather than by = default.

back = to top

Thought of the = Week

 

 

 

 

In lif

 e, as in football,

you won't go far

unless you know where
 the goalposts are.

 

J.C. Penney

 

 

 

 

 

back = to top

All You Need is = Love

Love = Actually

By Vanessa = Waters

December 02, 2007 = Daily Telegraph

 <= /p>

WHAT keeps a = relationship going through tough times. We speak to three couples to find = out.

Ralph Waldo Emerson = said, 'Obey thy heart, give all to love.' We all know the benefits of surrendering our hearts to another, including increased health, = greater happiness and a longer life. But what happens when life gets hard and your relationship hits rocky terrain?

We ask three couples = who have endured the tests of time for the secrets to a successful = relationship and how they keep the love alive.

Osnat Marshall (33) = and Cameron Marshall (34) have been together for six years and are = expecting their first child.

Cameron: Osnat and I = had been living together for a year when I went to Israel to meet her family. My bag got lost so when I arrived in = Israel I didn't have any clothes, and then the war in Iraq started. I'd met Osnat's dad a few times in the first week and then = he was tragically killed by a car crossing the road. We went through the = whole Jewish mourning period, which was something really different for me. =

We overcame that time = with lots of hugs and kisses and by talking a lot. The whole experience definitely made us stronger.

As a man I obviously = can't think like a woman, but it's important for me to respect, listen and = try to understand her. It can be hard because we are made up differently, = so it's good if you can understand that, be aware of it and give her the = space she needs, or the opposite - be close to her when she needs it. =

Osnat: When we first = met, the language barrier was very hard. I am Israeli and spoke French and = Hebrew and Cam spoke English, but when we = started talking, it just felt right.

I wasn't sure if I = was going to come back to Australia after my dad died because it felt like the end of the world for me. = At the same time my application for Australian residency was rejected. I = was extremely lucky to have Cam with = me as he is so gentle and understanding.

My advice for = marriage. We are one, but you have to remember your husband is a different person and = you can't control him or predict what he is going to do. Just plan to = know each other more, and learn about the other person's needs. Surprise each = other as well; that can be positive. Have fun now and deal with the big = things when they come.

Josephine McAleer = (49) and Tim McAleer (53) have been married for over 20 years and have two = children.

 

Tim: I think we seek = that which complements us, because Josephine and I are total opposites in = every way. It gets pretty tempestuous at times, but for me it's really simple - there is nobody else I want. =

The biggest destroyer = of relationships is trying to change somebody else's behaviour. A time = that was hard for us was when Josephine was studying for her masters = degree. As much as I could respect and admire her for going back to university, = it drove me mad because I felt she was ignoring the family and there = was a huge amount of friction between us.

But I learnt to = accept that the only person's behaviour I can change is my own, and to allow the = other person to self-actualise and be who they have to be. I think love = should be nurturing. A lot of what passes for love in our society isn't that = at all; it's about ownership, control or making yourself look good. But if = you are in the relationship for the other person to be bigger, stronger, = better and brighter, then you are loving that person. =

 

Josephine: Tim is a = very bright man, has a lot of integrity and is someone I have always = respected. We do butt heads and I don't think we will ever stop. Initially, I = thought, 'This is not going to work', but it was about getting to a place = where I felt assured that conflict did not mean the end of our relationship. = And while our personalities are different, our fundamental values are = very much the same.

One of the best = things we did was go to a marriage counsellor, who gave us certain rules for engagement - now we won't interrupt each other, raise our = voices or call each other names.

For me, love is = trust. It's knowing that Tim is not going to walk out the door if I mess up. He = is going to catch me if I stumble and won't let me fall. =

 

Ethel May and Norman = Treleaven are both in their nineties. They met just before World War II and = have been married for over 65 years.

 

Norman: The best = thing that has ever happened to me was when May said 'Yes'. She was my first = and only girlfriend and after 65 years together I am still in love with her. = The secret is to give and take.

It's impossible to = have it all your own way. If you are determined to get your own way, you?ll have = a row. The relationship will finish. When two people with strong = personalities are together one has to give way, or you part. Just work it out. Know = how to say, 'Yes, dear.'

It is also good to = please one another. May is often unwell, so I like to spoil her and I'm sure it = helps. I know what she likes. When you are happily married you want to do = things together. We are happy in one another's company. =

Even now we get up = and go for a walk together before breakfast. I strongly recommend marriage. = It's the friendship, the company, it's knowing you always have something to = work towards. When you are on your own it can be lonely, but being = married has so many benefits. It's life! I don't know what I'd do without her. =

 

May: When we got = married, Norm's mother said to me, 'May, if ever you have a row with Norm, = don't go to bed until you have straightened it out.' You can be cranky and = snub one another all day, but come night we say we are sorry. =

When I first had the = stroke Norm had to do everything - for 10 years he did all the = housework and looked after me. Even now I can hardly bend and I have trouble = balancing, so Norm dries my hair, puts my shoes on, gets the bed = ready.

Just the other night, = Norm turned to me and said, 'I love you still!' Even after all this time = we are in love and just want to be with one another. =

back = to top

News & = Info

 = ;

 

 

 

 

 

 

  

 <= /p>

 = <= /p>

THE = GREATEST FUNDRAISING DVD EVER!

 

A Great Gift at only = $19.95

New Festival DVD = highlights with

John Butler and Pete = Murray on sale until 18th December 2007

 

The long awaited = highlights from the 2006 Fatherhood Festival is on sale at our online = shop

 

 http://www.fatherhood.net.= au/shop.php 

 

The DVD contains live = footage from concerts over that special weekend, with artists talking about = being or having a father. This heartfelt and beautifully performed DVD = makes a great gift this season at $19.95 (RRP $29.95) and is packed with = special performances by other great local artists including, Juzzie Smith, = Tommee, Soulman and Nathan Kaye.

 

It is a limited = edition release and we have kept the cost low so that everyone can enjoy the = magic of that Father?s Day weekend in 2006 at Bangalow. This offer is only = valid until 18th December 2007.

 

__________________________= ____

 

SYDNEY MEN'S FESTIVAL

JAN = 2008

Saturday 12 to Sunday = 20 Jan 2008

Venue: Yaraandoo, = 28 Nollands Road

Fiddletown, Arcadia (near Hornsby)

 

For more details view = the website.

Web: http://www.sydneymensfesti= val.org.au/

Email: info@sydneymensfestival.or= g.au

 

Post: SMF PO Box 689 Rozelle NSW = 2039

Contact: Johann: 02 = 6231 2544 Len: 04 1827 7896

A chance to talk, = relax, participate in and run workshops.

Children welcome = (boys all ages & girls under 7).

 

__________________________= _______

The Death = of Feminism

by Karen = Murphy

.........and now to describe yourself as = a feminist has almost the same effect as if you had farted in a = crowded lift.

 

http://www.theage.com.au/cgi-bin/common/popupPr= intArticle.pl?path=3D/articles/2007/12/03/1196530572754.html

 <= /p>

 

_____________________________________________

 <= /p>

Letters

RE: Good to Great = Mentoring Course

 

Dear Fatherhood = Foundation

 

I just wanted to = again thank you guys for running a brilliant course on Fathering.  The = content of the course was really worthwhile and I am absolutely certain that the = huge amount of personal time, energy and sacrifice that you invested has = had great payoff and eternal reward.  I know that it has helped = focus a lot of what I attempt to do with my family and enabled me to engage with = them in an even greater way.

 

Last night was a = great way to cap the course off.  Please pass on my appreciation and thanks = for making the night most memorable.  It was so heart-warming to see you = guys doing it together and enjoying yourselves.  Rob Feeney, I have = appreciated working with you, getting to know your heart and seeing how much you are = dedicated to not only improving your own fathering and husband skills, but challenging and inspiring others to do likewise.  You and = Warwick are both huge role models and I congratulate and thank you = both!!!

 

I look forward to = keeping in touch with both of you - Rob, continuing to grow each other and = Warwick watching your ministry with great interest and hopefully partnering = with you sometime next year by holding a course at our = church.

 

God bless.  =

Rod

__________________________=

 

Dear Fatherhood = Foundation

 

We are a small number = of lucky men who have privilege getting to know each other and really learn = and gain from the course.  I must say thank to Warwick, Rob Feeney and = Rob Wolf for their efforts and facilitating works that make the course = successful.  Warwick said that this course is a journey and not a = destination.  I believe we should keep the spirit to support and cheer the men in = order to make this world better and happier.

 

Cheers

Stephen<= /font>

 

Editors Note: The = Good to Great Fatherhood Mentoring Course dates for 2008 will be released in = the New Year. You can register your interest by emailing info@fatherhood.org.au  =

 

back = to top

Dad's = Prayer

 

Dear God

 

Early starts are good.

Especially when fun beckons for the day

To put off the monotonous

And grab the moment as we play.

The most important thing to do

Is to grow a vision in our heart.

Write it down, make it plain

Rehearse it, make it part

Of everything we do and say.

 

So Father,

Help us become the answer that we seek.

Our children are waiting for a 3D image of your = eyes.

We know they will never see it,

Unless we begin to prioritise.

 

back = to top

Help Us

Click here for more information about us

Help Us!

The Fatherhood Foundation is a Harm Prevention Charity. =
Fatherlessness and inadequate fathering has been proven to be = a source of harm.

The Fatherhood Foundation helps children by promoting excellence  in fathering. Excellent fathers are in word and = deed: responsible, involved, protective, loving and committed to the = well-being of their children and their children's = mother.

If you would like to give financially to the Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund and receive tax = deductibility:

Fatherhood Foundation Public = Fund
(Name, address and amount details must be emailed for a receipt for = tax deductibility)
Westpac Branch Wollongong
BSB: 032 695
A/C: 25-5558

Or mail cheque and address details to:
PO Box 440
WOLLONGONG  NSW  2520
AUSTRALIA

The Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund  is a public = fund listed on the Register of Harm Prevention Charities under = Subdivision 30_EA of the Income Tax Assessment Act 1997.

You have received the fathersonline.org newsletter = because you have subscribed, or you have been subscribed by a friend.  = If you do not wish to receive future emails, please click the UNSUBSCRIBE = button below or send an email to info@fathersonline.org with the word UNSUBSCRIBE in the subject = heading.

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